RISE OF MODIWAAD..............

Though I refrain from writing anything about politics because I was saturated  long ago ( guess it’s been 2 years now) and secondly writing about politics allow many random  people to start a debate and  they usually get carried away because of their sentiments and create scenes which I don’t like. Anyway, I couldn’t resist the tempt to write about 'rise of Narendra Modi' and relevant events after the drama of past few days.

Those who know me and know my political stand consider me as very pro Narendra Modi and as a matter of fact I am. I proudly accept this. I remember the first day when Narendra Modi has made a solid impact on me. It was during some election campaigning and he was giving a speech. He was having one 'fatwa' in his hand issued by some terrorist organization and he was reading it with eloquent style and great confidence stating how he was responsible for prevention of terrorism in Gujarat and that was the first day I appreciated him as a leader. Excellent speaker, confident, different and dominating; a perfect man who can lead the nation.

Later I become familiar with all the controversies that revolves around him, his portrayal as pro Hindu anti Muslim leader and many other adjectives like ‘ maut ka saudagar’. I always used to wonder that time that there are many states but no chief minister gains such a massive popularity. Modi remains in highlight whether he is speaking or silent, whether he is in Gujarat or in any other state, whether opposite parties are talking about him or not. Rise of  Modi into central politics was always an undeniable truth, it was inevitable, sooner or later it was going to happen and it’s a happy news that it has happened finally.

I won’t speak of any known facts or statistics about development of Gujarat or how Modi has reformed it or how he has successfully encapsulated traditional farming and industries with modern corporate culture or any such praise of him. What is most appealing in him is his attitude, his firmness, his tenacity, the way he never leaves what he is just for the sake of politics. I guess to every person knowing the basics of politics, it’s very apparent that he could have easily gained popularity and could be redeemed of all his sins by taking all the blames of Gujarat riots on his head and asking for forgiveness. But he has never done this; he stood against Atal Bihari ji and many other prominent leaders for this. Now in politics, this stunt is always very expensive and a person like Modi can easily comprehend the costs and side effects of this but he sticks to it. So we can safely conclude that this person is more on being the person he is rather than playing cheap politics.  

I would not comment on his portrayal as ‘vikas purush’ or whatever adjectives he gets these days but no one can deny the fact that Gujarat has developed in past couple of years with due credit to policies of Narendra Modi. He remained firm on many of his projects though they were not supported by many but this is the quality of a true leader; standing for whatever is right as per you. He remains mostly silently when others criticize him; he doesn't talk about Gujarat riots or Hindu-Muslim or any kind of fundamentalism these days. He talks only about building a new India or development of the nation. Now one may say that he is just escaping from his past sins and diverting the attention of people but even if he is doing this; what’s the harm?? Only our country is getting benefit.

My support for Narendra Modi as a candidate for prime minister is not because of his charismatic character, or him being a brilliant orator or his policies or anything but only because of the fact that there is no better alternative. No one is in fact near him as of now. Mr. Rahul Gandhi, no doubt I supported him very much in his initial political career. It was like more mature, stable and supported Rajeev Gandhi, but sadly he lacked everything. He was not like his iron lady grandmother, or his fierce and courageous Uncle or his simple and visionary father.

 I support Rajeev Gandhi in everything; he was an honest man away from politics in his early days. He brought computers in India. He was the only person so far in India who openly opposed caste based reservation by saying that it’s a way to divide the country again. Rahul Gandhi, initially tried to walk on footsteps of his father. He also said many revolutionary things interacted with students and in fact opposed the reservation system in higher institutes but sadly he was muted by his party. He now says only those things that party approves or party talks. There is no vision of Rahul Gandhi, there is no separate perspective of him and there is no opinion of him. He remains silent on majority of issues when people of our country are expecting the leader of the future to walks in and give them some assurance. In fact I appreciate people like Digvijay Singh and Jayram Ramesh. At least, they say something opposite to party and party discard their statements by saying that these are their personal views. But they at least have some contradicting opinions. Rahul Gandhi has no personal opinions, no agenda, no vision, no direction. He is not a person who can lead the country because he has no decision making power or skill. He acts on wills and guidelines of party and all of our great prime ministers share one skill. The ability to stand for their decision even if the whole world is against them.

Many times people talk about the dominant character of Modi that he has the tendency to destroy every other leader in his regions. He doesn't incorporate any other leader. He is not a good person for an alliance. He works like a single man army. I think it’s not a negative point instead it’s a great quality. Now we all know what happens when one tries to take care of every other person’s demand. UPA government failed to implement various reforms like FDI, Food Security, women reservation bill and many other just because of the oppose of people in their alliance. In fact many a times, their own party leader opposed their ministers (like Ajay Makan’s proposal of brining BCCI under RTI). So unlike the popular opinion; more diversification in a government brings more instability and lesser productivity. Whereas uni-polar forces always brings solid results like Indra Gandhi’s decision of 71 war or Atal Bihari’s decision of nuclear tests. So a person like Modi, who only cares about his decision and doesn't pay much heed to what the party is saying or what opposition or alliance are saying may bring some much needed reforms in the country which hitherto are not done due to lack of decision making power.

I was just reading some facts about how Muslims have developed and progressed in Gujarat after riots. I don’t know whether the facts are right or not but one thing for sure that no government can continue for 3 runs if they haven’t got support from whole society. There have been no riots in Gujarat after 02 but UPA failed in many riots. The recent one in Assam is an example of failure of congress government. Riots of 84 and 93 happened in congress’s rule. No FIR or cases are running for many riots at least lots of BJP leaders are indeed arrested for Gujarat riots but I won’t get into details of that. Congress has remained a hypocrite in accepting the facts and has given rise to this opportunistic politics where every one can form alliance on the basis of secularism and communalism. No BJP leader ever talk about betterment of Himduism or any think but congress leaders continue to polarize and divide country on the name of religion and create separation by cheap blame games and dirty politics. It’s such a shame to see hypocrisy of Nitish Kumar and JDU these days and the way they are on the same track as Congress, RJD, SP and BSP, dividing the Indian Voters further into hindu, muslims and other minorities. I don’t understand according to what criteria Advani ji is secular but Modi isn’t.

Anyway, in a nutshell, my support to Narendra Modi is plainly because of lack of any other good alternative. Apart from this, he is a man of his words, a standalone leader, and a visionary. Now even European Union and senators of USA are also favoring him. He is connected with ground, popular among the workers of BJP and there is no godfather of him. Rise of Modi is something that has happened gradually. From a tea stall owner, then a worker of RSS, then rise in Gujarat, transfer to Delhi, winning the battle there, coming back to Gujarat and taking power from his own mentor Keshu Bhai and then Gujarat riots and the politics afterwards. He has proved himself on every level. He may not be perfect but I guess he is the best in present circumstances.

PS: Do not wish to provoke any discussion or debate. Just my personal views and I don’t want to get into any argument about how bad Modi is or what he has done or what happened in Gujarat or whatever. 

BYE BYE XP.............. !!!!!

Let me clarify first that I am not making any official announcements of ending of XP (I guess though they have already declared the date for it). I am just writing the post because of all my feelings attached with this operating system with which I have almost spend my entire life so far. Recently I upgraded to windows 7. Now all of you must be using Windows 7 for guess 3 or 4 years so it’s no big deal for you but for some reasons I decided to stick to XP for a really long period and now I am giving up on it eventually.

Now, from where I should start? So many memories are associated with XP. I started working on XP as soon it was launched in market (or as soon it reached Ujjain) and I really enjoyed the change. Everything was so colorful, so bright, everything looked upgraded and new, it was like entering into a complete new dimension. While I started my computer journey with Windows 95, I have learnt most of it with Windows 98. 98 was so simple, basic and easy to use operating system, I always consider it like father of all new modern operating system or more like a switch from basic computing operating system to an entire new generation of operating system supporting multimedia, gaming and other cool stuff.

I still remember the big windows icon that flashed on opening 98. The simple yet elegant start menu and task bar. The simple screen and icons and everything was so simple and the beauty of using 98 always lied in its simplicity and that somehow increased the magnitude of delight on using XP. Everything was fresh and new, bright and cheerful; XP always resembled ‘youth’ as it was full of life and energy. The green start button; the use of ‘TURN OFF’ word instead of ‘SHUT DOWN COMPUTER’; the starting wallpaper showing clouds, mountains and greenery, every change was very positive and appealing to a young child just getting familiar with computers. Even after XP, I used 98 for a relatively large period of time (I finally quit it in 2006) and ever since there was a monopoly of XP in both my desktop and laptop.

Though I indeed switched to windows 7 when it was introduced, but the earlier versions were quite unstable and there was some display driver problem in my version and so I regressed back to XP. I guess I was the only person in my class using XP and many people indeed find it weird but guess other operating systems were never able to make such a profound impact on people’s life as XP did and recently I read somewhere that XP is still in great demand and majority of people still use it. Ironically, I am writing this article on my desktop which is still having XP and as its hardware constraint would never allow it to upgrade, I guess I will always remain in touch with XP. Also, in our college labs every pc is having XP so XP is something that we can never leave permanently for say some more years.

Nowadays most of the people have upgraded to Windows 8 and I guess I will also install it after 3 or 4 years. I am enjoying Windows 7 as of now though I was not very comfortable with it in the first half hour and there was always a tempt to insert the Windows XP Service Pack 2 CD again but some how I get over it.

Kids nowadays are beginning their childhood with computer so I guess they will never understand the thrill of switching from normal video game to a PC game, from Windows 98 to Windows XP, playing GTA Vice City or Age of Empire in your new upgraded operating system and see, feel and enjoy the changes from the old operating system. At times I still miss listening to songs on my 2 speaker in high volume as with laptop we use headphones most of the time. Life is changing from bulky to micro and though the change is convenient sometimes it’s not enjoyable. The upgrades in life will go on but the enjoyments they are going to provide will only decrease in magnitude as we are getting used to the comfort.

Mall vs Mela

At first, this comparison may seem a bit weird and it is indeed weird; but what I am trying is to compare two sources of enjoyment and recreation. Mall represents the choice of modern shining India while Mela is usually the choice of rural India and urban middle and below middle families.  Though we may see some bunch of people both at Malls and Melas who we think doesn’t belong to the respective places.

Mall has gathered widespread publicity in the past decade and it has become favorite place of almost every middle person to the aristocrats. Teenagers like it because it’s a safe and standard meeting place to impress both their friends and ‘beloved ones’. Women like it because it’s a matter of maintaining standard to visit malls for shopping or for nothing. Men like it because they got no choice; they have to comply with their kids and wives. 

Mela existed for a long time and in past its primary purpose was to facilitate business by providing a common place where every useful commodity can be made available. In recent days there is a shift in the trend and apart from a business place Mela has also become a fun place. Common men like it as it’s cheap, it’s a good source of escape from day to day trouble and tension and a good place for a family hangout.

Though the classes of people visiting these places are different but purpose of each class is same. Some fun, some shopping, and an escape from day to day monotonous routine. Children, no matter, whether they are in mall or Mela have the same curiosity and enthusiasm. They want to play; they want to eat; they want to experience everything that the surrounding environment is providing them. Mela usually have speedy and quick entertainment stuff like magician’s show, death well, giant wheels and other kind of thrilling adventures whereas mall has standardized entertainment also; it provides multiplexes, ice skating, bowling, 3-d and virtual reality games etc etc which only rich people can enjoy. A middle class person can only enjoy the view of rich people enjoying these games from outside and he makes firm resolution that one day I will also enjoy life in the same way.  

If I talk from economic point of view, then there is an amazing similarity between shopkeepers of both places. In malls, a major chunk of profit earned by shopkeepers is given as rent and other service taxes so they have to fight real hard to survive in the luxurious competition inside. Scenes of new shops opening in malls, struggling for few days, and shutting down are very common these days. So we may get a feel that people owning a shop in a mall are very rich but we don’t know in reality how well they are doing, and is it sufficient to thrive. Similarly people owning a shop in Mela basically belong to the middle level shop keepers and they also have to give huge rents to local municipality, administrations and bribes to local officers.  There is a limited amount of time to earn profit, and there is excessive competition. I was once watching this shop, they were selling every item for 5rs and I was wondering how much profit they will earn eventually and will it be enough? 

Though the mannerism, clothes, shoes and other accessories may be different for a person having a shop in Mall and Mela but if you closely observe the expressions on their face is almost same. Worried, tensed and hoping that customer will come to their shop and they can continue their struggle. Such kind of partiality can occur only in a country like India where employment means just to increase the quantity and give people a basic medium to survive no matter if it’s not enough to assure any quality life to them. 

It seems peculiar to me, 2 places, completely different yet serving the same purpose and you can trace as many similarities as there are dissimilarities. Ultimately, both places show the human spirit of enjoying the life, having a little fun, a little get together with family and friends after a long time, different colors of life with all possible variations and a perpetual struggle for survival and an attitude of never giving up.

 

An open letter to all IIMs

Dear IIMs,

It’s a sincere appeal from me with a very little expectation that it would be ever read or taken seriously by any concerned authority. I don’t know whether I should call it an appeal, a request, a frustrated letter or something else but I want to express myself so that I won’t have the regret that I also remained silent against a system that was intended to serve me.

Every young Indian has, at some part of his life, lived the big IIM dream, no matter even for a miniature amount of time. Some continued with this dream for a long time, and for some chasing this dream became their life. The comfortable life afterwards, the fat pay packages, the great alumni, the huge infrastructure, secure future; life becomes a paradise once you achieve the big IIM brand.

People who failed to get into a good graduate college see this as an opportunity to wash their previous sins, rectify their old mistakes and to achieve what they thing they truly deserve. Many are willing to work hard to the edge of their potential and even beyond that. Many are willing to sacrifice all the comfort, fun and luxuries of their life for a while just for focusing on their CAT preparation. But the inner fire, the internal source of motivation that ignites one’s spirit and keep on pushing students to work hard fades soon when they realize that this time hard work is not the sole factor.

Many who start their preparation with great enthusiasm, quits in midway, when they realize that there are many factors that will control their admission into a good B school and no matter how well they do in CAT, there will always be some uncertainty. This is the time, when one realizes the worth of board marks and even graduation marks.

Now how many of us really knew that we will try for CAT when we were in 10^th and 12^th?? I don’t think there is much and in fact if there were, who cares at that time. No one has even a faint idea that board marks will be such a huge factor in deciding ones eligibility in an IIM.  

Now what I want to ask all the IIMs is how come board marks decides one’s ability to be a good manager. What’s the relevance?? In 10^th class we have subject like Hindi, English, and Science; how come they are even minutely related to one’s ability to be a good manager? Then comes the 12^th class, be it commerce or be it PCM, how are physics, chemistry related to ones analytical or problem solving ability? I agree that board marks indeed define a certain level of consistency and hard work but I find no sense in laying such a huge stress on them and making them mandatory for admission criteria. They can be given certain weightage but they can’t be a deciding factor.

There is no guarantee that those who secure 90+ in boards are born genius, though, no doubt they are hard working but I guess top institutes generally seek sheer genius in one and not the ability to work hard. Also we can safely assume that those who secure less than 70 can be discarded for admission just because they don’t satisfy these criteria. This is absurd, one bad day or one bad week shouldn’t affect a person’s entire life.

Now we move to the most illogical part. 10^th and 12^th usually have a common system so we can give them some weightage, but graduation marks. It’s like judging on an entire different dimension. It’s like a competition in which there is no common quality or attribute. Every university has different system of checking, teaching and evaluation and graduation percentage may vary due to many stupid things.

One needs to secure at least around 80 for IIM A and around 85 for IIM S. Now 85 in graduation sounds like a joke to me, and in fact it is. I heard that in some universities like Pune University the topper lands at somewhat around 80, so no matter how hard you try you are already out of the race for A and S, that’s height of being unfair.

Besides percentage in graduation varies according to the practical and class work marks, for which, one is at pure mercy of teachers and luck. No matter how talented or hard working one is, the major chunk of practical marks is awarded on one’s ability of sycophancy. So unless IIMs think a good manager most posses the quality of sycophancy I find no plausible reason in giving graduation percentage such a strong preference.

What I find most senseless is IIM ahmedabad’s criteria of providing points. The table is like ( a*b*c+d+e) where a stands for 10^th board marks, b stands for 12^th , c stands for graduation, d stands for masters degree and e stands for work experience. ‘d’ and ‘e’ hardly have any effect on ones selection so let us focus on a, b and c. 60 and above gets 1 point, 70 and above gets 2 point and 80 and above gets 3 point. And for sure shot call you have to secure at least 80+ in all a, b and c else you are doomed. What I find hardly irrational is that one scoring 79.9 gets 2 point while one scoring 80 gets 3. Isn’t this the height of nonsense? Why not give one scoring 79 2.9 points so the system will judge every student fairly. I don’t know why they created such a system where a student’s admission is based on luck than brilliance.

Then other IIMs also joined this non sense, some of the IIMs like Indore completely nullify CAT score in their criteria. So no matter you get 100 percentile, you won’t get a call from IIM Indore if you have sinned in past. Then what’s the sense of taking a different exam?? Making students study vigorously for 3 years and then give them no credit of scoring very high? I don’t know, maybe I am not smart enough to find the reason behind all of this. But how come a person scoring 97 in CAT better than a person scoring 100 just because he got 85+ in boards and the other one got 80+?? Guess our country wants to give a message of preferring mugging our talent.

What I don’t understand is that are IIMs only for formality? To intake certain amount of students having well past records and getting them placed? What about nation building, what about developing future leaders, what about making India a leader in global economy? Why not give a fair chance to all possible leaders and managers by setting fair and plausible criteria where everyone can participate equally in the competition of best B schools in the country. Because of these stupid, senseless and irrational criteria a majority of sheer talent derails soon from IIM pursuit. Some switches to GRE, some other manages to satisfy them by college placements, some other remains happy in the technical line or whatever their graduation field was. So at the end of the day, it’s our country that is losing pure talent which may change the future for good. 

Those who deserves to be in good colleges are wasting their talent and time elsewhere and the crowd which enters IIM, no doubt talented, represents only similar perspective and thought processes. The consistent ones they are and as such bring no creativity to class which could have been brought by the one wasting their time elsewhere. The whole country opposed when board marks were involved in admissions to IITs, even the present pattern is criticized a lot. So why IIM continues with the same pattern I don’t understand. I hope they will change this pattern soon, and give chances to the people with best potential to be upcoming leaders or else we would soon be trapped in a vicious circle of coaching, mugging and parental pressure on children, end result of which will be nothing more than slowing down of our growth and unbalance in our entire education and professional structure.

   

CSC Rejection and beyond.....

Well, for those who have seen me in the past weeks I would like to clear that I am not here to cry on my failure as some people think I am doing it a lot these days. I don't want to write how unfortunate circumstances were for me that day or what could possible have happened correctly to get me a position as a project trainee in CSC. I don't want to blame god or fate or even myself. I just want to bookmark this event as I am sure its a starting point of something big. I just want to bookmark it so that when I will look back after many years I will know that once in life I was completely faithless, my confidence was shook, I was broken completely yet I somehow struggled and continued to fight and I hope there will be one day when I will reach a good position and I will feel good about this failure too as it taught me a lot. It's more like a public diary entry and I would always like to keep it in front of me.

I was not expecting to clear the written test so I have no feelings associated with being a CSC project trainee or anything like that. I was perfectly happy with my life and the way I had planned it. So getting selected in written was an unexpected event as lot of questions were out of syllabus and I used common sense in most of the questions to tick the right answer. So the chain of unfortunate events started between the period of getting selected for the interview and in between the interview. Interview was something I always considered as my forte. I always thought that I am one of the best person in expressing myself very clearly and I have a very decent communication skills and attitude which will definitely give me an edge over others. Besides I am a person who is always full of confidence and have full faith on himself no matter what happens. I keep myself away from expectations and too much attachment for anything. It keeps me emotionally safe and strong though at times it gives an impression of being heartless.

Anyway between 2 hours from result to interview, suddenly I developed a lot of attachment for this post. I planned many things according to it in my life. I was so hopefully not even  even for a second I  thought that I won't clear the interview. I was not at all nervous, I was even not thinking about what I will be going to say in side the interview, I was so confident that I will say something brilliant and they would be impressed and they would take me easily. But as it happens, the old hindi quote ' khushiyo ko apni hi najar lag jana', I used to utter that once I clear the written, interview won't be a big deal for me, I would definitely clear it with flying colors. So guess God was in full mood to prove me wrong and to kick me to make me realize that I am getting overconfident again.

Interview started very well, they asked me about what kind of person I am and what are my weaknesses, I answered well.Interviewers seemed impressed but then suddenly they said that I am giving very perfect and nice answers, and perfect is always bookish, and it seems to them that I already came up with a mindset of giving those answers. Now I don't know how come they got this idea but a thing started so positively suddenly became slightly negative. I didn't know what to answer for that argument and I said that I was just describing what I am. Anyway I recovered well in answering the technical questions and I was back on track again.I was answering everything correctly and with full confidence and I was getting really comfortable with the whole situation now. So as it happen with me always, the beginning of something bad when everything is going so good unexpectedly. They asked the same question of what you think about your life 5 years after, and I told them the same old answer, to be a good programmer and employee and worker and blah blah. They asked me to elaborate it ( which they didn't ask anyone else to do), I told the same ;using my potential in company's interest ramayana again, they asked me to elaborate it further, and bang as Saravasthi made kumbhakarna to say 'nindrasan' in place of 'indrasan', I said given a chance a project leader.

Now it suddenly wake up the third interviewer which was so far not so much interested in taking interview and who hasn't asked anything much to any other candidate. He started banging tons of question to me and I was replying everything calmly which was definitely impressing the other 2 interviewers but he was not satisfied. He asked me an out of syllabus question again and I told him that sir i haven't heard that term before as it was not in our syllabus, he thought that I was lying and faking confidence and guess this might be the reason of my doom and again I don't know how come he came to that idea.Anyway  I somehow responded good to the rest of the questions and I was sure that I did the best that I can do in those circumstances. I consulted some people and they said it was a stress interview and I performed well, they were just checking my confidence as I was replying the questions very well so I was somewhat assured about my selection.

Anyway 4 days were hell, and when the result came it was much more than hell. I could have danced in hell rather than facing those days after result. Many cleared, and I was not in the list. I could literally feel now the filmy scenes when someone kicks the wall, punches something hard, break things and cry loudly. The world was falling, I lost my faith in myself, I lost every piece of confidence that accumulated in me for 20 years. I lost faith in god being helpful to me always, I doubted on every good thing in my life. It was like suddenly everything changed polarity, me who was 99.9% positive was now 101% negative. The whole interview thing seemed to be a very well planned conspiracy by god to make my life bleak and devoid of any hope.

It took me only a few minutes to get over IIT, it took me only a few hours to get over personal setbacks ( which I guess most of boys had definitely suffered during college days) but for the first time in my life I failed to motivate myself. I failed to recollect myself, I failed to rise again and start running. I failed even to save me from collapsing. Generally I use to concept of 'bigger success' very well to get someone motivated but for the first time I just feel that there are only bigger failures in life. There is nothing such as ' jo hota hai acche ke liye hi hota hai' or ' aage kuch accha definitely hoga'. I felt like it was the last chance in the world to prove myself and I was comprehensively beaten.

Ironically whatever I had written in the essay of written test became true in my own interview. I had written that no matter how brilliant or hardworking you are, if you are not lucky you would definitely fail. I had written that at times a deserving person is wrongly judged and misinterpreted by a wrong person or system, I had written that at times a person may be rejected in an interview as the interviewer may fail to analyze him properly. So it seems like I was writing my own future there which I find very amusing now.

Anyway with one bad thing came many good things in my life. I was supported very well by my family first then friends then seniors. I was revived by my friends making me to realize what I am and I should not loose myself. I am thankful to many people who were a great support to me at that time and who brought me back somehow. I got support from most unexpected people and suddenly the whole world seemed to comfort me and trying to heal me. Also coincidentally, I got more than expected marks in this semester which usually never happens with me. God comforted me with a small band-aid after injuring me greatly as he always did throughout my life. It seems like I was sent through a NOT gate, everything I ever wished and never happened was happening but I can't be happy about it as everything I thought will never happen has happened.

Anyway, almost a week has passed now. I am not fully recovered yet. I am sure I will be alright soon. I often feel like something has snapped, something is missing now, a part of me is killed now. But I won't change my attitude, I would not bow down to the accepted standard of the world, I would continue acting the way I am and I hope one day the world will accept me as I am. I won't fake anything or pretend anything just to be on the safe side. I would be a rebel no matter how much failure it will cost me. I will be the same; honest, direct, optimistic and full of energy. I am finishing this post with a hope that one day surely everything on which my life was based on will come true, the hope, the optimism, the concept of a bigger success, the concept of learning from your mistakes and whatever happened happened for a good reason. The idea of god taking exam and eventually paying you the deserving reward. The idea of having extraordinary failure before extraordinary success. I won't give up and I hope this is the last time I am crying on something, this is the last time I am disappointed over something so people let me cry, let me be sad, let me be dejected and hopeless cause this is the last time you are seeing me like this.