MY FIRST STORY.....

She dialed the number again with not much support from her mind. As the ring started, her heartbeat began to rise. Lots of thoughts were puzzling her, worries and tension; even the ring became less audible. Speculations and predictions, where he could possibly be, or why he was not attending the call. When the no response tone came, it seemed her heartbeat stopped. She got numb, stupefied. The events of recent started flashing in her mind like a film and she was suddenly filled with guilt and remorse.

“Why didn’t you answer my call?” He asked with a mixed feeling of agony and anger.

“Because I was busy due to some work,” She replied without any expression on her face.

“But you may have called back later when you were free, it can’t be as if you were busy through out the day and didn’t see my missed calls”. His frustration level was rising but not by that intensity as his grief was.

“ Ohh come on, why do you boys make issue of everything? I never understand, I don’t think it’s a big deal to not attend your call or call back. There is no sense in this entire thing. You just seek for reasons to fight with me!!” She seemed to be unaffected by his weak protest.

“All right, so are we meeting today evening at the restaurant?” Realizing all his efforts of complaining are in vain, he switched the topic.

“NO, not today and not in a restaurant, what would the people think, you have no concern for my image”. Suddenly she was back in the fighting mood.

“But you often hang out there with other boys, your old friends. Then what’s the problem in coming with me”. He replied in a tone, not sure whether he must speak or not.

“Why do you interfere in my life so much? You have no right to comment on what I do and with whom. Ohh gosh!!! That’s the problem with you boys, if a girl is talks sweetly to you; you misinterpret it and try to act as her protector cum bodyguard. Why do you try to impose yourself on me? You are not my boy friend!” Her expressions were enough to make him drop all his weapons.

“All right, thank you for reminding me about my position in your life. I would remember that”. Words were coming out from his mouth after much filtering from great sorrow.

“Now there is no need of doing any emotional drama. Old friends are always the first priority, you came later in my life, don’t expect my full attention. Can’t you just simply act like a friend”. She left in a haste, furious; and he remained there transfixed, watching helplessly his self respect and ego burning in the fire of negligence..

She was now on the verge of bursting into tears. She was reminded of all the times she avoided him with out any valid reason or sometimes without any reason. She realized his worth in her life and his contribution in making her life happy. He was there for her through thick and thin without any complain for bad treatment on her part. He endured her fury, negligence and orders without any complains. He neither protested nor did he ever leave her side no matter how rude she was to him at times. But she misinterpreted his silence as his weakness and helplessness. She started to build the perspective, that no matter what happened he would never leave her. He is like a mental slave and she could use him and treat him as she wanted. She started to make fun of his care for her and his devotion to their friendship.

She now realized the pain that he faced when she was not talking to him intentionally. She now realized his helplessness and frustration when she didn’t answer his calls or texts when she could have. She just wanted to apologize once, cry on his shoulder and beg for forgiveness but he had disappeared. There was no sign of him for the past 4 days. She had called more than 8 times.

She remembered how she used to cut his phone just to attend others’ calls or for some useless work. She, for the first time in life felt that he has now become a vital part in her life and without him she is incomplete. Tears now began to come to her eyes and they brought more pain as she realized how he wiped her tears and said that no matter what happen I will always be there with you to wipe your tears and if I can’t , I will cry with you. But now he was not there to cry with her and she was the only culprit.

She prayed to god to give her a chance to rectify all her mistakes. She decided now to answer his every call and every text. She would go with him wherever he wanted to take her. She wouldn’t do any work that would make him suffer and she would talk to him kindly giving him the respect and attention he deservers. She won’t hang up the phone abruptly and won’t be furious without any reason. Suddenly her phone rang and whole the world appeared to come alive when she saw his number flashing.

“Hello, I am sorry I wasn’t able to receive your calls.”

“Shut up, who do you think you are, where were you, how dare you disappear without informing me, can you imagine how worried I was! How can you boys imagine that, you take everything so lightly and carelessly!”?

“My cell had some technical problem and today it was in silent mode and I had some work so I wasn’t able to check my phone.”

“Don’t lie, it’s not possible that you didn’t check your phone even once! Couldn’t you just call back once to check whether I am all right or not? But why would you bother! What I am to you. I hate you! I won’t talk with you again!” She hung the phone in a fury.

He called back again. She was smiling now watching how she wrecked all the resolutions made just a few minutes back. She now knew what she had to do. It was the beginning of a new sweet and healthy relation.

One child policy : solution of growing population ??

The census results are out, and the figure give the environmentalists the same shock as a student get when he sees his AIEEE rank. Both just pray to have got lesser number of digits than the actual ones. So we are 121 crores now. It seems huge, and we are chasing China very fast who is still on the top with 134 crores. So finally India will top at least one list. A list on which every countries wish to remain on the bottom side.

Now, we Indians have a tendency to waste all our energy and time on discussing only the problems. So I won’t get into the detail of the catastrophic effect of growing population. Lets discuss the solutions. Now the question arises, do we have any possible solution to almost nullify our growing population rate?

“ bacche 2 hi acche”, the quote which I guess must have formed before lalu prasad came into the politics is still well known, but has it been implemented effectively. People back in 80s wouldn’t have thought that in future, even the basic commodities would become out of reach of normal person. Price rise will broke even the records of DU cut offs. Its ok, they were lacking the sources of entertainment that we enjoy but it I never understand why they started factories of children. 7 to 10 children a family, thank god now people plan children according to their annual income and budget.

So is the one child policy the correct solution. China has implemented it, and to a good extent it has controlled its population very well. It also has enough land to accommodate all. Now leave all this statistics and imagine your life without your brothers and sisters. No one to fight with, no one to compete with, no one to hug in your success, no one to give your shoulders to cry on.

Every child whether animals or human first compete with their siblings to grow stronger and learn. We all had competed with our brothers and sisters in everything. Every piece of chocolate, every toy, clothes and the comparison of every performance in school. The achievements of our brothers and sisters always compelled us to work hard. The mistakes of our elder siblings told us what not to do and we always guided the younger ones. We never had to search someone to play cards, crickets or other outdoor games. There is no fun in eating the pizza alone, you must have your siblings to fight for every single piece, and the feeling of victory gives the real taste.

Alone child will never get full time and support of parents. He will felt alone and soon would come under obsession. Either he will become anti social or a computer geek. He’ll have no one to compete with, thus no sense of competition would generate in his mind. Neither he will have any one to give him emotional stability. So we may improve statistically but our social structure will collapse. We are already suffering from single-family problems now that family would loose its complete entity too. Guess better education and spreading more awareness and restrictions for the two child plans must be continued. We don’t want to have obsessed army of large old peoples after 50 years.

Ride for us, race for them !!

Whenever I get down from a bus, I always pray to find a city bus. The reason being my childhood aversion from public transport, like city vans and tempos. Why I hate them, it’s not hard to guess. They are always overloaded and the situation inside these vans are like a third degree torture to war slaves. Often there are 5 people sitting on the seat where at most 3 can park and both the conductor and driver, if by some mean they can, are willing to place more people.

Many a times in emergency people had to stand between the spaces, some of them are drunk so the condition became further worse. Suffocation almost kills you and you just wish to jump from the moving van so that you can grasp some fresh air. Guess, its better to die from wounds than lack of air. Long before when I avoided public transport I often used to think that they must have some phenomenon of extra dimensions in these vans as almost triple the amount of people are sitting at a time on a van and sometimes the figure rise exponentially. 2 people escape and 10 more get in. I had once traveled when the gear rod was between my both legs and I had to concentrate more than the driver to protect myself from a life threatening accident.

So this time too I didn’t get a city bus and I had to travel in a city van. I was daunted by the fact that I was the first one to get in. It means I may have to wait for more than half an hours if it didn’t get full completely. By full I mean 3 people along with the driver, 4 people on both seats and a conductor hanging on the gate and crying for money. I began to panic when only 3 people come after 5 minutes.

Just then I had started to analyze the driver and for the first time I started viewing things from his point of view. He was panicked and unstable. He was wandering around his van, calling loudly for the passengers. His eyes were in horror. Horror of other drivers, horror of impatient passengers, horror of city buses and horror of remaining behind in this everlasting race for survival. A race, which uses your blood as a fuel and it is converted into lots of sweatand little money.

He started the van with only 5 passengers in it and I was baffled. Baffled by his decision and baffled by my own inner paradox of thoughts. I always imagined this situation and rated it as impossible, sitting comfortably in a city van. But now here I was, sitting with as much space as 3 people use usually but I wasn’t happy. I was sympathetic towards the fellow whose eyes were still rolling 360 at the road to find another passenger. But he didn’t get any more. I just got down, finished my work and coming back to stand again sat in an overloaded van, suffocating, perspiring and abusing the van driver and thinking “ kash agle stop par sab utar jaye “ !!

We are just friends, what are you saying ?

As the title suggests, I’m gonna talk about friendship and love once again. One of the most monotonous topic I think but it keeps on emerging in front of me again and again. Only the faces and places change and some times the circumstances. So the newly free teenagers who just enter the college are the most vulnerable victimस of the most deadly and painful disease called love. Its symptoms are not very apparent and when you finally realize you are in love, it is too late for any medicine to work. You can only share your pain with others and it is a positive surprise that many of your friends that seems superficially emotionless and practical are also its victim and are suffering more than you.

So now I will take you the point where the whole thing begins. Yes people … I’m talking about the very first interaction of a girl and a boy in the college campus. Some may become wounded by cupid’s arrow in the first encounter; other may resist for a long time but eventually drop down their arms. Some have a forced crush as at first they have no feelings, but their friends keep on talking and make them to dream about some one so they are also caught. And finally the rude ones, after getting jealous again and again by watching their fellow friends in a relation, they also quit eventually.

Now the problem phase starts. If u are lucky you can get a line segment like relation. You have crush on a girl and that girl too have a crush on you. Story ends. Waittt…. But there is a small problem here... in fact a big problem … known as ego problem… We people always deal with double standards. In most of the fields in life we want to be the first one, the initiators, but while proposing to some one we do not want to be the first one. The blame can be poured either to fear of being rejected or to the inner ego. Well it has one positive aspect too. We are on the safe side and prevent girls from having the excuse that we didn’t propose u it was you who came behind me.

Some gaanv chaap mentality people still think that getting into a relation is a bad thing and only misguided and much frank people do that. Some others are just confused that their lover may prove a hindrance later to their future, ambition and career. Some are just concerned about their image that getting into a relation would be a severe blow to their good social image while some keep changing decision and keeps on fluctuating eventually getting exhaust and reach no where.

But what if the person you are having a crush think you just as a friend. This is the only time when the word friend sounds to be the harshest word to you. But you can’t do any thing about it. You are not the choice of your choice but you have to respect her choice. Love is a self-inductance property not a mutual inductance once and it can’t be induced forcefully. Although I believe that it follows Lenz law some time. Emulating it I can say that if you run behind a girl she would ignore you but if you start to ignore her she would run behind you. A love is induced in any case, which opposes the change that causes it. The bottom line is that, don’t miss the chance of having a soul mate. Just go on, express your feelings, bow down on your knee and tell your love that “ we are just friends what are you saying as for me you are everything I want “

A poem by me showing the confusion that whether she is a friend or soul mate.

कभी हाथ को हाथ से स्पर्श कर सकुचाती हो
कभी हाथ थामे रहा बतलाती हो
कभी कंधो को पकड़ होले से दबाती हो
कभी कंधो को जकड़ थपथपाती हो
कभी एक पहेली बन उभर आती हो
कभी खुद सुलझन बन खिलखिलाती हो
बुझता रहा हुँ ताउम्र तुम्हें मैं
हर रोज नया पेंच ले आती हो
कभी सखी कभी प्रेयसी
कभी ख्वाब कभी हकीकत
कभी मंजिल, कभी राह
कभी धूप, कभी छाह
कभी मेरे मन के साहिल से टकराती लहर
कभी ह्र्दय में उठा तुफ़ान का कहर
तुम्हारे साथ से मन हर्षित तन पुलकित
असंयम अस्थिर असहाय सा चंचल चित्त
सोचता हुँ इस कशमकश से
मेरे मन की असमजस से
तुम्हें अवगत कराऊ कैसे
इस रिश्तें की जटिलता तुम्हें बताऊ कैसे
खो न दु इस ख्वाब को
इस फ़रिश्ते नायाब को
स्वप्न दुस्वप्न न बन जाये
अगर चला बदलने मै किस्मत के अलफ़ाज को
बने रहो वो प्रकाश तुम जीवन में
महसूस तो करु पर छु न सकु

ps: originally written in November, I had to postpone its posting numerous time due to various personal problems :P :P :P

Give women the respect they deserve...

21st century, an era of modernism, an era of leaving previous prejudices and going into a society of equality of gender where there would be no difference between a girl and boy. But have we achieved it? I am not talking about the paper statistics. One can always fabricate them. I am not talking about the various high positions which many girls are holding at present. I am not talking about the different degrees that many girls are having. What I am talking about that have we really achieved an unbiased mentality towards girl? Have all the men had finally given them a position equivalent to them or have they started giving them the respect they deserve?

Well although I am a boy but still honestly saying I don’t think so we have yet achieved that state of modernity. We are still biased and we still thinks that if we are getting in a relation with a girl, no matter what relation it is, it is a girls duty to be flexible enough to maintain and sustain that relation. Now some pseudo western people may think that now parents are allowing girls to wear western short dresses, girls are roaming late nights outside the city, girls are leaving their cities and living in other cities alone for education and girls are making boyfriends are enough proof of India getting modern. But all this are superficial changes.

We still have the medieval mentality towards girl. They are constrained in the cobwebs of culture, relation, security and prejudices. They can’t do anything on their own. Every step or decision of a word had to be first passed through a unfair filter called “ log kya sochenge”. And after they are married only they are supposed to compromise with their career and dreams. They are supposed to burn their desires and wishes themselves to enlighten the future of family and to keep the family warm. It’s a double standard loop as when they become mother in law again they have to compromise for modernity with their daughter in law. In short, in each every phase of life a women is doing her moral duty and man are consuming and exploiting her.

I’m not saying to take their work in our hand but at least we can make them realize that we know their worth for us. We respect and realize what they have done for us and they have done it all with out any personal gain. Just say to your mom that food is brilliant today and see the smile on her face. Say to your sister that without her u feel very lonely and even her presence make you cheer up. Say to your daughter that she is the beautiful gift of god that is given to you. Say to your grand mother that she is like a banyan tree whose shelter and experience give us relief. One never needs stardom or limelight one just need proper realization of her selfless efforts.

A short poem on the change that a girl suffers after marriage….

जो कल उन्मुक्त बेखौफ़ चलती थी
आज अकेले खामोश बैठी है
कल तक जिसका अलग अस्तित्व था
अब दुसरो से पहचान ही उसका अस्तित्व होगा
कल तक जो हर जिम्मेदारी से बचती थी
मदमस्त उल्लासित हो चहकती थी
अब दूसरो की जिम्मेदारी संभालेगी
अपनी हँसी लुप्त कर दूसरो को सँवारेगी
दुल्हन के सुर्ख लाल जोड़े में
एक बंदनी की भाँति लग रही
फ़ेरो की पवित्र अग्नि में
उसकी ख्वाहिशे सुलग रहीं
सर पर जड़ित स्वर्ण टीका
उसके विषाद मे लग रहा फ़ीका
मस्तक पर सुशोभित चमकती बिंदी
उभरती लकीरों में गिरती संभलती
नाक में चमचमाती नथनी
बेधती उसके मासूम जज्बात
गुलाबो से लाल होंठ
सुख रहे अनजान भय से
गले मे इठलाते आभूषण
जकड़ते जीवन उसका हर क्षण
हाथों में रंगबिरंगी चूड़िया
सुहागिन की मनचाही हथकड़िया
कमर मे चमचमाती करधनी
अश्रुमिश्रित हँसी लिये बैठी बंधनी
पैरो मे छनकती पायल
दुल्हन पर सब कायल
पर उसके मन की न कोई टोह पाया
सामजिक बंधनो मे सबने मोह पाया
छोड़ रही वो बाबुल का आँगन
बिता जहाँ हर फ़ागुन हर सावन
अब घुघट के आड़े ढकी रहेगी
हर चाल हर आह हर खुशी हर हँसी
एक गांठ ने बांध दी
अनेको बंधनो की डोर
हलकी सिसकिया कौन सुनेगा
हर तरफ़ हर्षो उल्लास का शोर
बाबुल कर चले कन्यादान
बेटी को पराया धन मान
मंगल सूत्र भी बंध गया
चारो तरफ़ हो रहा मंगल गान
कल जो बस एक लड़की थी
आज बहु है, पत्नी है भाभी है
अधिकार उसे अब कुछ नही
बस जिम्मेदारियो कि चाभी है
इतने कष्ट सब रग दे चले
एक दिन ये भी साथ छोड़ जायेंगे
सफ़ेद भावशून्य असहाय उसे
तिरस्क्र्त बेइज्जत और कर जायेंगे।