The night of 31st December, 2014

What difference a year can make to a person’s life?

If someone has asked me this question last year, I would have replied either not much or something very vague and uncertain but the kind of roller coaster year I had, I would say today that a year can turn your life upside down. It can change not only your current position, but your perspective, your attitude and the way you look at life in general.

The night of 31^st December, 2014 is still very clear in my memories. It was one of the darkest phase of my life. Perhaps, I have reached rock bottom in almost everything. I was stuck in a job that I hated and which made me feel miserable daily, I failed to get respectable scores in CAT or IIFT exam, my escape route towards a higher world, my redemption from my previous sins. The light at the end of the tunnel was fading very sharply and I was falling into sheer stark darkness at an uncontrolled pace.

Every year, at the onset of New Year, I used to ponder over the failures in the previous year and I used to start the coming year with the hope that this year will be good, this year will be the comeback year, this year will compensate for all the early years but it never happened. On the night of 31^st December, 2014 I have given hope completely. I was just tired that day. Tired of being optimistic, tired of preaching positivity and hope to the world when my own life was just inducing sympathy from everywhere. I was crowned with the well-deserved titled of a ‘choker’, the guy with the potential who never succeeded because of bad luck or situation beyond control. I was exhausted and future looked bleak to me, I was not even remotely excited about the possibility of something good.

I had my last b school entrance exam, XAT 4 days later and I was not even sure whether I would be appearing in it or not. I was suffering through a hand infection and going through severe pain because of swelling. Unable to study and also unable to write, I was wondering whether all these late night studies when the world is partying is worth it or not. Year after year, sacrificing so much just to chase dreams which are always uncertain to conquer and indomitable at times because of situations. I was sure that if I went to a doctor he would do a surgery and I would miss the examination.

The only important decision to make was to whether appear in the examination or not with a swelling hand and 2 back to back failures within 2 weeks. All the Dragonball Z fans might recall that Vegeta achieved the stage of super saiyan when he has given hope completely, when he stopped caring about Goku being a super saiyan or being better than Goku. On the night of 31^st December 2014, I stopped caring about being successful or better than anyone. I stopped caring about going into a good b school or to get a better position in society or to be happy and satisfied. I stopped caring about everything. I was done with torturing my body and destroying my peace just for the sake of running into an endless race where the winner is burdened with maintain the success rather than celebrating it.

 

I decided to appear in the examination without any hope or expectation, but for the sake of testing my intensity of desire. I decided to appear for the sake of desperation and not for the sake of dream. On the night of 31^st December 2014, I decided not to do anything just to prove to the society or for the sake of revenge. I stayed up 2 nights, learnt to write with my left hand so that I can appear in the examination. I took multiple pain killers on the examination day, attempt everything with my left hand as much as I could, except the essay part where I decided to switch hand because of bad handwriting. 10 minutes of excruciating pain and I was done. I was relieved, I went straight to hospital and had a surgery.

As they say, god tests you to the extreme and then grant you your wishes, I cleared XAT 2015 (I still think it was because of my desperation to clear it), and later converted SP Jain and XLRI Jamshedpur. 1 year down the lane, all these looks like a fairy tale. A dream from which I don’t want to wake up. I am living my dream and I have come to it from rock bottom, all in 1 year. 1 year changed my life completely, every 31^st I used to make resolution on how to aim high, how to achieve targets, how to stay at top but today, 31^st December 2015, I just look forward to wish people a happy new year and sleep peacefully.

I have not written this article to tell my filmy story with happy ending, but to tell all those who have a bad year that a year can change everything. You might have failed this year, a year before or may have successive failures in many previous years, but you never know what this year will bring to you. Believe in your destiny, believe in god’s plan for you, do not compete but improve yourself, do not torture yourself but take care of yourself, don’t panic and don’t get negative, embrace 2016 with full positivity because success may be hiding in disguise waiting for you to identify it.

A very happy new year everyone. May this year make you realize all your dreams. J

1 year of a software engineer

Exactly 1 year I worked in the IT industry as a software engineer and I find the life quite similar to what we have always heard. Most of the stereotypes are indeed correct in one way or another. All the jokes about ‘Monday’ or the ‘Salary Day’, all the fear and anxiety about bonus, onsite opportunities, unrealistic expectations, insults, politics, pressure, people who have no knowledge judging your knowledge and deciding your future. But still it’s indeed one of the must have experience in life. It makes you more responsible not only in terms of your job but also in terms of what you want to do in life. You meet some of the best people in your life here and they might play a pivotal role in your future growth. It’s a journey comprising of variety of experience, a road full of multiple navigations and directions and at the end of the day it’s up to your conscience to choose a particular way.

Imagine an organized world from your unorganized college life. Getting up, dressing up and going to office daily at a regular time and then coming very late where you don’t have any energy left to do anything else. Imagine a routine that you never followed in college but now you have to. Well, that’s pretty much office life. A routine that has to be followed. It is complete opposite of the unorganized scattered random life we live during college because we are supposed to act ‘professional’. There are rules that are meant to be followed and no one never dared to break them so no one knows what will happen if they are ever broken. An unsaid inexperienced unwritten fear of not making mistake and perpetual attempt to please your superiors.

There are many things all software engineer shares in common. A feeling of being underutilized in terms of talent and over utilized in terms of hard work. Constant bitching about people getting more perks, appreciation and opportunities while sharing a feeling that their life is very unfair. A constant wait for weekends during the entire weekdays and spending most of the weekends sleeping because they are too lazy and tired to enjoy. Drinking multiple coffees not because they felt the urge,but because everyone else is doing the same. Complaints from parents and gf/bf that they are not giving them any attention and you have no energy to explain that either you have no time or no energy.

You can always find multiple characters in the office. There is someone who doesn’t give much shit about the work but is very smart to put proper mails and get credit for someone’s work. There is someone who works very hard but doesn’t know how to display and show off and thus always unsatisfied with life. Some person who keep regretting why he joined IT and many persons who are determined to quit the job but they never do. There is a team lead who doesn’t know much about the project but who thinks it is his birth right to boss around. There is a manager who literally doesn’t even know the name of project but always wanted to know when things will be done. They want you to draw blue lines with red pen and they can’t take no for an answer. According to lead and manager, every problem is simple and can be done in only half hour but we aren’t able to produce results because either we are lazy or incompetent.

Most of the time you had no idea about the work allotted to you and somehow you are able to finish it by luck, by help by a generous colleague or the famous last day hardworking routine. Then there are vacations, you are encouraged to take vacations in most formal meetings but whenever you ask for vacations you are treated as if you are asking for kidneys. Asking for vacations is seen like a cardinal sin one can never get redemption of. It's always tough to get vacations on Diwali and Rakhi because everyone is asking for the same. Same is the case with onsite opportunities, there are so many people already in queue, you have to wait for a long time before even asking for it. A person is your friend till he doesn't get an onsite opportunity, once he flies you just bitch about his incompetency and his treason. A person coming back from onsite will always bring same kind of chocolates and everyone keep asking the same repetitive question and gets same repetitive answers. The one who resigns get promoted faster than the one who does his work properly. One who threatens the most move the ladder faster than the generous one. The diplomats gets promotion faster than the whistle-blowers. The one who keeps their head low and floor clean rise faster than those who raise their voice. It doesn't matter how efficient a resource you are, marketing matters, putting proper mails matter, showing off your work matter and having good terms with superiors matter. I guess there would be only very few exceptions to above mentioned rules.

If you are working offshore then there is 1 golden rule. Onshore is always right, they are the people with higher capability and authority. It really amuses me that how we treat ourselves as slave just because we want to please someone with a fairer skin. There are people who work much more than what is expected and then they cry that they do not get enough reward. I guess this is exactly the point where we start spoiling our work culture. Our ambitions drive us into unrealistic expectations; we raise the bar not only for ourselves but also for everyone. We keep on working more in blind lust of rewards and eventually we not only screw our own life but also life of everyone who were doing their job properly.

Office hours are fixed for all and except a few emergencies case one can always finish their work in normal timelines but of course we won’t do that. We are Indians; we are hard working from birth and by nature. We like to finish 5 days work in 3 days and then we will do more work. We will work very hard until we will make everyone’s life miserable. We raise the expectations bar too much and we keep ourselves in the delusions that we are just being responsible and professional. We love to boast off the fact that we have no work life balance and we never demand for one. We don’t have guts to say NO because everything is related to our promotion. We don’t oppose the management, we let them exploit us, and we let them put more work on us only because we are too timid and insecure to raise our voice for the right.

Work culture is something that we create for ourselves. If we keep on spoiling it for the sake of our ambitions we have no right to complain about it in the near future. It’s our responsibility to have a work life balance. To spend time with our dear ones, to travel, to relax and to enjoy. It’s our responsibility to maintain our self esteem and self respect. It’s our responsibility to earn success instead of pleading for it. Sycophancy might get you far enough but what good a life is where everyone around you is having a low opinion about you. Only a sadist can be pleased by a success which came on cost of precious relations but of course you would find many sadists.

Well, life isn't that bleak in any office. You can always find people joking around and making the atmosphere light. You may find very supportive and helping leads and manager who not only help in your professional aspirations but also in your personal aspirations. There are numerous people with whom you form a very strong bond because of the similar life tragedies and conditions. You can always crack joke on the hard-working or the desperate ones. Bitching has its own fun in office. Office trips make you see the other side of many people whom you didn’t know much before. There are always birthday celebrations and then there are farewells where people say good stuff about you most of which are big fat lies. Some of us are lucky to get a very good team and very good work. Some people really excel and live a happy and satisfactory life. Some people get proper recognition and encouragement. It’s not always rainy, it’s not always sunny.

Office always add spice to life. Many people fall in love and get settled. For a fresher, it’s a whole new world where you learn to interact with much experienced and knowledgeable people. Where you learn to set your priorities right and accept the fact that life is fair sometimes and unfair most of the time. Where you are actually able to summon the strength to fight and tame your demons. Office life gives you insight about your real interests and how you want yourself to be represented in the world. Some people get lost in the crowd while some become part of the crowd. Few leaves the crowd and chose path which everyone in the crowd always thinks to be a part of. There are no permanent friends and no foes, there are just competitors, and there is competition, both healthy and unhealthy. There are dreams and there are restrictions. There are imaginations and there are realities, there are wills and there are responsibilities, there is freedom and there is golden cage, there is struggle and there is comfort zone, there is an open sky and there are tied feathers, there is open sea and there is a powerful flow, you are what you chose to become in this world. If you strive for an identity you have to fight the conventions of silence and insecurity and take the responsibilities of your risk. Your endeavours might not be fruitful but satisfactory. You can break out and become an example, worth mentioning or worth laughed upon, worth remembering or long forgotten, choices are uncertain but mandatory.

1 year of a software engineer or 12 years of a slave, you decide what kind of life you want. You might blame the system, your managers, your HR policies, life but at the end of the day you should take responsibilities of your action. No one forced you to join a software company or to work hard for weeks and then expect rewards. Whatever you are doing, do it for yourself and expect only from yourself. Life might be rewarding or punishing, unsatisfactory or fulfilling, enriching or dull; all depends on your actions and your responses. So next time when you feel bad about your life as a software engineer do think what you can do to improve it.

I may never live the life of a software engineer again. I loved coding, I was good at it, I enjoyed it. Last 1 year would certainly be memorable because it pushed me to chase things beyond my imagination. I hope everyone would be able to chase their dreams. Good luck people!

PS: You might have a very different experience than mine. A complete different life than mine so I am not generalizing. Please feel free to add more into the experience for a more holistic view.

Being Mayank

23 years have been passed, 23 long years full of ups and downs, twists and turns. I am bearing the responsibility of ‘being Mayank’ for the past 23 years but it seems like yesterday when I used to roam around in the streets of Ujjain, thinking what would life be when I will be young. Whether I will be successful or not, whether I will be able to do something worth mentioning in my life or not, whether I will be able to prove my stature in society or not, all these questions used to puzzle me and to some extent they still do. ‘Being Mayank’ is something that was thrust on me, a life that started with unrealistic expectations which continued till present. ‘Being Mayank’ was nothing more than a common boy trapped in the cobwebs of uncommon illusions.

Life moved on and I remained Mayank  instead of being a faceless entity in the crowd. A boy, having the potential of doing something notable in the society. That’s all I ever was, a future potential and never an enjoyable present. Growing up was the part of the same bargain, to stay top in the class , in which, personally I never find any point. I was rather more comfortable in reading novels and literature than finding ‘x’ or the date of battle of Panipat. Time moved on and I stayed a Mayank everywhere I went. I crossed the comfortable boundaries of my home town and struggled in the open world to prove my existence and I survived to a large extent.

‘Being Mayank’ that time was always being hopeful of doing something good and having the faith in my abilities. ‘Being Mayank’ was not letting my failures take control over my mind. ‘Being Mayank’ was finding a way out of the continuous pointless mugging and have some breadth of actual practical relevant learning which was rare and illogical at that point of life. I struggled as a Mayank and then failed as a Mayank to secure a place in any elite Engineering college. ‘Being Mayank’ became an example of a wasted potential, a talent of no use, a personification of not doing justice to the god gifted abilities. But for me, ‘Being Mayank’ was to take the blow on the head and keep moving forward. It was more or less a transformation from a Mayank to the Mayank. It was accepting the fact that you lost but that was not the final battle.

 ‘Being Mayank’ became the ability to let go things, move on and forgive myself for the greater good. Changes are good and defeats are great at times because they vanishes the fear of failure. When you learn that you can breathe, talk and eat despite being a failure according to the norms of society, you can think way beyond the horizon of general notions of success. You can think where you can succeed and what success is according to you . Society has become a necessary evil for one to make one realize ones potential and dream.

‘Being Mayank’ became the dream to prove the society wrong by following the wrong procedure of society. ‘Being Mayank’ became a persistent struggle to prove an identity. ‘Being Mayank’ became crying foul because you call a spade a spade. Deep inside our heart we all know that we are much more than our marks, our college, our job  but at times the truth is not publicly acknowledged but only admitted in private.

During the same time ‘Being Mayank’ became the weakness to submit to human emotions. ‘Being Mayank’ became a dream of a peaceful life in warmth and closeness of someone that will complete being a Mayank. ‘Being Mayank’ became a ray of hope, a lone sunlight, a moonlit haze. Life became a poetry and ‘Being Mayank’ became a literature. Not all literature has a happy ending or a clear ending. ‘Being Mayank’ became  an incomplete poem. ‘Being Mayank’ became a test to let go things for personal peace or to suffer for a greater good. It was an era of taking tough decisions, which may not be correct, but were the need of the hour. There were some doors to shut forever and some to keep ajar. ‘Being Mayank’ became the portrayal of maturity as no one else was willing to do so.

They say, they fear what they don’t understand and they start hating what they fear. Going along with time, ‘Being Mayank’ became an unsolvable puzzle, a subtle riddle, a complicated encrypted transcript, consequently ‘Being Mayank’ became a threat. It was an era of blames where to be Mayank was to be held responsible and accused of the crimes you never committed or you weren’t even aware of. It was the time to stay silent because you knew your voice despite containing the truth is too feeble to make any difference. It was the era of being insulted, being played, being plotted against and despite knowing everything willingly fall in the pit because you have no other option left. There are times in life when you have to stay silent not because you are weak but because you want to hit back when you are strong and sometimes even the silence is strength because it transfers back every attack aimed at you.

‘Being Mayank’ was not a piece of a cake because it was forceful yet willing submission to a system you don’t want to be a part of but you have to because you have nowhere else to go or you weren't ready to go somewhere else. ‘Being Mayank’ was getting rejected for things you deserve because you are Mayank. ‘Being Mayank’ was watching helplessly people much less deserving than you getting what you have worked hard for days. ‘Being Mayank’ was to be patient, to wait for your time, to understand that this shall too pass. ‘Being Mayank’ was to aim higher despite failing at a previous lower level because you can’t let failure pull you back. ‘Being Mayank’ was to collect the broken pieces of your strength and confidence and make faith out of it.

‘Being Mayank’ was to not give up hope when the winds were sailing against and night was dark because it’s better to drown while fighting instead to drown while submitting. ‘Being Mayank’ was to make frustration a motivation and pain an inspiration because at times to end pain you have to suffer it at its maximum intensity and become immune eventually. ‘Being Mayank’ was to try one last time and ‘Being Mayank’ was to be lucky enough to get success in your last attempt. ‘Being Mayank’ was to tell your story not because you want to flaunt but because you want to inspire. ‘Being Mayank’ was to talk about your journey not because you want to show off but because you want to remind fellow travellers that journey is beautiful and destination would be worth it one day.

23 years of ‘Being Mayank’. Countless experiences and memories, countless people who came, some stayed some went, countless promises which weren't hold and countless hopes which were shattered into pieces to be reshaped and built again.

What does ‘Being Mayank’ signify right now ? ‘Being Mayank’ is a battle to strike or to wait and strike at a better time, it is a dilemma whether to explain you to the world or to stay silent  because you know the world is not willing to understand, it’s to stay a villain in many people’s life because they just don’t want to accept your good part, it’s to accept that you are flawed but at the same time reminding the others for the same so that they can improve. Being Mayank is to accept that you are unacceptable to many and weird to all. It’s the act of not acting normal as you can’t act any more. It’s a paradox of a person who looks stupid and wise at the same time, mature and immature at the same time, neutral and biased at the same time, strong and weak at the same time, a person who is split into multiple behaviour and doesn't know which face to show where.

But ‘Being Mayank’ is a gift. To be part of many people’s life even temporary but being a part of their sadness and show them the path of celebration when you know that most of them would forget you there but it’s about watching the smile from a distance than laughing together. It’s about feeling special because you know God has planned your life in a very beautiful way and even the bad things turn into something good eventually. It’s about having people who are more happy on your success than you and who are more disappointed on your failure than you. It’s about enjoying the little things in life which may be tiny but significant and as always it’s about sending a message.

I don’t know what the future unfolds. What is going to be down the road as I am cycling upwards now ? But I know when the right time will come all the life’s unknown variable will be solved automatically and complexities will reduce to simplification. Being Mayank is the hardest thing I have ever done and yes I do get tired, frustrated, demotivated at times by this huge baggage but still it is one of my most cherished accomplishment and I hope to live this up to the most.

If anyone has somehow managed to reach till end. I have a small request. I know I am not perfect but there is always a scope to be better. Most of you has known me somehow or just know me through this blog. If you want to add anything else, things that you feel I should know or the world should know, you are free to comment below or you may also message me if you are too shy. This post was suppose to be a birthday gift for me by me but as always I have procrastinated it which, again, defines 'Being Mayank'. 

Hum mein hain hero

Few years back, Hero started an advertisement which has a song by AR Rahman giving a message that there is a hero in every person. Hero is usually a person who is admired for his courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. Informally, I can say that any person who has done something that the society admires or respects is a hero. Hero may be a soldier who stakes his own life to save someone’s life or to protect the country, a sports person who works hard and play with passion so that our flag can rise high on an international podium, a storyteller who inspires us by his words, or a scholar who despite lesser odds attains some form of academic success.

What’s common in all of the above examples is that our traditional definition of hero mainly incorporates success as an essential feature for being a hero. Whosoever has achieved some form of success is a hero. Now I just wanted to broaden the definition of the term hero so that all of us can realize that we all have hero inside us. What makes us a hero? Most of us might be struggling hard in life and considering themselves as a loser as we failed to attain whatever we have desired or we might not have reached the point in life which we thought we would have at this time of our life or simply we just feel we don’t have any achievement worth mentioning and no highlight in our life right now. So, how could we be hero without having even a single feather in our cap right now?

We are hero because we are the strugglers and so far we have survived in life against all odds. Multiple times we have been tested, put into unrealistic expectations of performing where we were least interested but following the herd, we tried and we failed and we tried again, we struggled in conditions where we were really unhappy but yet in hope of a better future ahead we survived that too. Ever since the beginning we are struggling and surviving and fighting and climbing one step at a time. Most of us hated schools yet we cleared it, mugged hard for entrance to colleges, cried aloud in college and still cleared it and then are still struggling in our jobs but yet we don’t lose either our hopes or our ambitions. We all are in a persistent battle to do something good in our life and our grief is only because of our failure to do so.

But it is a good grief; our depression is good because it shows we still hope. We still want to change the course of life instead of settling for what it is offering us. We might be down because we think we won’t be able to do something worth mentioning in our life, but the thought of judging our life with what we are right now and what we think we should have been in itself shows that we are still committed towards a bigger dream and willing to cross all obstacles to make it a reality. We are fighters, we are strugglers, we hope, we dream and we believe while there are many who has abandoned all and settled for much less than what they could have been.

Each one of us is a hero who has survived many battles and would continue to march on many other battles fields despite his/her weakness and relying solely on hope and courage. So those of you who have questioned your capabilities, don’t think that you are a loser or you can’t make it big in life. Life is all about learning and applying. Failures are the stepping stones towards success so never hesitate in failing. Wipe out the fear of failure in your mind and flourish the faith and you would realize life is much more than few obstacles. There would be bleak nights where you would question everything, your strengths, your well wishers, your destiny, your ability to do something in life, let that night pass because it won’t last forever.

No one can make you positive rather than you. No one can make you realize your abilities than you. You have to pull yourself out of darkness of disappointments and depression and show yourself the direction towards light. No motivational book or words or counsellor can help you unless you are ready to forgive yourself for your failures and prepare yourself for the coming battles.  You have to take charge of your own fights instead of looking towards the world for a helping hand. This is your life and only you can be the driving engine of it.

So I urge all those who are sad or unhappy and thinking that life is full of struggle to realize and respect the hero within them and charge themselves to give their best. Dil se kaho ke hum mein hai hero . J

Is it a man's world ?

From the past few days I have been seeing a wide aggression against men everywhere. With due thanks to all the micro blogging sites and BBC finally many women have realized that there is only one and one enemy and that is a man. A man is selfish, arrogant, chauvinist, stupid, dominating and based on recent events and observation, a potential rapist. A man creates rule and expects women to follow it. He is the undisputed authority and he can’t be challenged. All he does is to oppress and suppress a woman and he enjoys it, he is a sadist. This is exactly the image I got while I was analysing the recent social media trend. Now if you are very sensitive and emotional, please leave the post as you might end up getting offended by virtue of your going by emotions and not by rationales and if you want to go ahead please finish the entire post before making any judgement. I want to discuss this issue logically and with a realistic approach rather than an emotional approach.

Now, all this started with the Delhi Rape case and the reactions afterwards were completely justified. That was a very heinous, cruel crime and kudos to our judiciary that they still think rapist have human rights and so they are getting trials in court. I don’t know why we need to prove a crime multiple times in regional courts, high courts, supreme courts and then even ask for president’s permission for a punishment. The whole philosophy of Indian judiciary, “100 criminals might escape but an innocent should never be punished” has become irrelevant as the 100 criminals are enjoying the delay and living a peaceful life. But I won’t go much deep into the judiciary and how it works because frankly I would never understand why we created such a slow, dormant and ineffective punishment system. I read somewhere recently that a panel discarded the amendment that in case of a cruel crime juvenile might be treated as adult, again hats off to your emotions, everyone who is less than 18 is allowed to do any crime and all he will get is a 3 year punishment that too is not a punishment just entry into a reform school. So the most brutal cruel insensitive Delhi rape criminal will roam freely after a few years into streets with no guilt or remorse because of this loop hole in the judicial system.

But afterwards some of hyper sensitive feminists which I tend to call pseudo feminists as they have forgotten the original aim of feminism and even some of the common people are doing the same mistake that we have done in case of terrorism. We generalized  few cases and declared every Muslim as terrorist and now also we are generalizing few cases and seeing every man as a rapist. Social media is flooded with all kind of videos and pictures which should be pro women but sadly are anti men. There was one video of a girl for ‘rape public day’, then 2 videos by 2 different boys in reply and as it happens we have created this sensitive issue as a girls vs boys thing again. There are various trending videos and pictures which describe the bad situation of women in India, how tough their life is and how India is unsafe. I agree with all the points but I just don’t agree with taking it to a limit where it is portraying the image of country as negative and unsafe and making a very wrong image of Indian men in front of the world.

First of all, I would like to clear that I am against rape or any other crime against women however small it is but here I wanted to talk more about the way some people are creating a big issue with not a good intention. Facebook page admins are posting photos that are intended to get more ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ and good comments. People are making videos which were originally intended for creating awareness but now they have plainly become male bashing agenda. What harm it has done? After the Delhi case, every Indian irrespective of religion, caste, gender felt a very uncomfortable pain in their heart, we were united for this cause, we wanted justice to be delivered, we were having one voice but now with so much male bashing some man have switched parties because they were unnecessarily made to feel guilty for a crime they haven’t done. They were asked to prove again and again their respect for women and even a slight humorous intake was treated as anti feminism. Men were unnecessarily dragged, accused, abused and forced for the cause of feminism.

All those messages were targeted to the wrong audience. The person who is in your friend list, who have spent years with you and is your well wisher won’t gonna harm you. The one who is going to harm you would hardly be bothered about these videos. We don’t even know if he has a facebook account or he is just roaming some where in unknown streets. So why to blame the ‘good’ ones for the wrong doing of the ‘bad’ ones ? Let’s try to create a positive atmosphere of security and safety rather than spreading hatred and animosity . A person of criminal mentality hardly cares for laws and punishment because he knows the loopholes. Murder has capital punishment for years, but that didn't stopped murders from happening. Criminals murder, rob, steal, blackmail and they also rape. All we can do is to set a good example by fast judgement and proper and strict punishment to at least minimize it to a very negligible amount.

Western countries which are abusing and accusing us as unsafe has much more per capita rapes and other crimes against women than our country. I am not saying that India is very safe, in fact our police and judiciary is the worst when it comes to dealing with it properly. But I would definitely object if a country which had much more per capita crime than mine would call my country as a country of rapist and deny us opportunity by judging us as potential rapists. We have a long way to go. From use of technology to proper awareness and creating a safe environment but I am positive we will surely achieve it one day. Changes are generally passed from generation to generation. We are the 90s generation, we have accepted and adapted all changes and I am hopeful our generation will create a better and safe country for coming generations. 

I remember a girl has written somewhere “Indian men do not hesitate to rape their own mothers and sisters”. We understood your aggression but no one gives you right to accuse us like this, we felt offended and deeply hurt. Wherever I go I read comments like “All men are dog, all men are hypocrite, all men are pervert etc etc”. We patiently hear it and when some of us try to reply it by share logic we are called anti women and told that we don’t have any respect for women. No, this is not the case, we are replying only because we respect women and mostly our sisters and mothers. Recently, I was accused of having ‘an agenda against women’ because of  few witty statuses I had put on facebook. Now I put all sort of status on facebook that is purely humorous and mostly unbiased and balanced. I have written many articles and poems entirely on women’s life and I respect them deeply. So I felt pretty bad that even having a sense of humour has become a crime now. I am supposed to show and prove my respect for women which I have already done multiple times again and again just to please few feminists. I would like to make it clear that I support women equality not women empowerment. I don’t think women need any special push. They are in many ways more capable than men and no way inferior or lesser so equality is what we should aim for rather than empowerment.

All the women who have made their way into some top organization or good job did it not because they were given any extra privileges or empowerment but because they were capable by themselves. All we need is to create more opportunity and more chance. There are countless examples varying from corporate to sports where women are occupying top positions because of their will power, courage, determination and hard work and not because they were given any special push. By saying again and again, India is a bad country for women we are disrespecting and insulting the efforts and hard work of all these women.

I saw a post few days back which said that a mother expects a baby boy because she knows how tough it is to survive in this cruel world as a girl. All I want to say is to both boys and girls just look at your dad, how many times he has travelled standing for hours in public transport to save some money for your education. How many times he has not bought new clothes because you wanted some fancy clothes. How many times your brother gave you chocolates and sweets from his share? We all have a different kind of struggle which can’t be and shouldn’t be compared. Life is tough for all so we shouldn’t glorify struggle by picking a particular gender. Everyone who is struggling to make a living should be equally respected. There are many families where the power is entirely in the hand of a woman and every decision is taken by her, just look around your relatives or neighbourhood and you will get at least a few where wife is more dominating than husband.

If you think that crime is happening only against women. Please just go through the statistics of wrong and false accusation of 498a. How many families it has destroyed, how it is being used as a weapon to blackmail entire family.? It not only destroy a husband, but also his mother his sister so it is destroying women too. Many men suicide because of the torture they have to bear by false accusation. Please go through this link to know about the flip side of the coin also. 

http://www.mensxp.com/special-features/today/25264-this-woman-tells-how-innocent-indian-men-fall-prey-to-fake-dowry-domestic-violence-cases.html

Men are also sexually harassed but as it doesn’t make a good case for TRP, it is not shown much. Many rape cases are false and used for blackmailing purpose. So many false cases are happening that people are even doubting the genuine one and that is a very bad thing. One must never use the privileges society and laws have given to them for selfish purposes as they are making the genuine case less heard by this.

Why I am raising this issue? Recently the Rohtak sister case and the bias of society destroyed the career of 3 young boys who could be in army. A student was denied internship in Germany because he comes from a country of rapist. What if your brother, father, boyfriend or best friend is wrongly accused in some case? Law may forgive them but society would never and it would be a stain on family forever. Don’t stereotype and generalize something. All men are not rapist. Some of us might be stupid, arrogant, bossy, retard, flirty but most of us are good, we respect women and we stood with them equally for crime against them.

I remember a conversation with a girl who was abusing all men continuously and expressing how disgusted and appalled she is by situation of women in India. I just asked her what is she doing for a change, why not become an IPS officer and change the situation, why not join army or military if the issue is so sensitive for her and she had no answer. See if want to see a change we have to be part of the process, by sharing a video on facebook from your air conditioned office blaming men if you think you have played your part  then that is wrong. You have to come out of your comfort zone, join directly or indirectly in some way to help the cause. I bet if thousands of women are moving on streets after 9 pm no crime will happen. Aren’t we supporting crime by staying safe in our house after 7 pm and letting those women in danger who have to work late at night. Our fear has become their power and that has to be changed.

What we have to understand is that society has set equally illogical norms and conventions for both girls and boys. Both have different struggles, different places where they have to prove themselves again and again. Men are suppose to get a good job, provide for their family, buy a big home and car and if they fail to do so they are called loser. A man whose wife earns more than him is considered one with no self esteem. A man who chose his mother over his wife is considered bad and selfish. Society isn’t soft to anyone of us, we all have our fights and our struggles so let us not compare whose struggle is hard or tough and respect and support everyone to excel.

As a man all I can say is I apologize for any discomfort that the society has done to you. I ask every fellow man to join me in this cause that let us start the change by this generation. We promise to keep the streets safe for you, to fight and raise voice against any injustice happing rather than staying silent, to support you in your cause and fight against crime and to respect you regardless of any other thing and in exchange we just hope that you won’t generalize a few case and punish all for crime of few.

Pursuit of a soul mate

Finding a soul mate has more or less became like finding a job these days. We keep on honing our qualifications so that at the right time we can attract our ideal partner. We have either found our soul mate or in process of finding the soul mate and majority of our movies, literature, songs, plays etc revolves around the same concept. Since childhood, we have watched enough movies and serials and read enough novels to believe that somewhere someone is waiting for us and subconsciously we get obsessed by this thought. We feel inferior if we fail to find someone, we feel we lack something or we are good for nothing. We start comparing our life with the life of those who have already found someone and start to believe that we would stay ‘forever alone’ because of our inherent ability to repel others.

Let us access the situation one more time. So we are alone, may be alone forever or just got over someone and in the  process of healing. Every time we go to take a walk we see couples holding hands and we feel bad, we go to movies and see couples watching it together again we feel bad, to make situation worse there is valentine week where each day penetrates us deeply and reveal how lonely we are as there is no one to buy us a chocolate, rose or a teddy bear let alone the other advance things. Everywhere we go, we see deeply committed people making each other realize their worth in other’s life and we feel there is no one for whom you are important and no one who is important to you. In this big big world, you are all alone with no one caring about you. You are alone, sad, helpless and there is no one to comfort you or to stop your tears.

Now let us move on from this melodrama and think a bit realistically. When we are desperate we see only the good side of things we don’t have and never appreciate the blessings we already had. The cute couple you see might have broken up 10 times, most of their time is spent in fighting, bitching, complaining and comparing. Some of the couples you see might not be couples at all, one person may be friendzoned forever and just playing the role of an acting partner and trust me his/her life would be much more painful than yours. Grass is always greener on the other side and many committed people regularly contemplate about being single again. Now let’s look back at your life, you might not have someone who sends a ‘good night’ message to you every night but there might be few friends who call once in a week to ensure you are doing good. There might be someone who is listening to all your whining of being single and helping you to stay positive. There might be someone who is comforting you by saying that the right person will come at the right time. You might be blessed with more than one person who are affected by your life and who plans to make your birthday special, who makes sure you have eaten when you are sad, who celebrates your every success. Most people are not privileged to have a good friend, a caring mother, a concerned father, a helping sister, a defensive brother etc all these are blessings we always take for granted and are never grateful about. Take sometime from your griefs and say thank you to all who have made your life wonderful and you won’t feel alone ever.

Now let’s come back to the original problem of finding a soul mate. The problem is these days that television has really made us filmy. We have set too high parameters for our ideal match and we have a tendency to reject people who fall short of any criteria. Every girl is looking for an ‘Edward Cullen’ and every guy is looking for an ‘Emma Watson’. We have turned life into a fairy tale where we are waiting for a prince or a princess and every other is a side character. Television has made every face beautiful and attractive. Everyone who falls in love is smart, beautiful, have a dashing body and genius but in reality this is not the case. We have to accept humans as humans and not as heroes and heroines. The novels we read, the movies we watch represent an ideal situation which doesn’t exist. There is no ideal guy or girl who is perfect but there are guys and girls with flaws. You have to accept their flaws as they are also accepting your flaws in return. A soul mate is not about finding a perfect person but about finding a person who makes the world perfect for you despite your imperfections. A soul mate is not someone who is beautiful but it is a person who makes everything look beautiful to you. A soul mate is about finding a person who makes you feel complete.

Now look around and think for a while. You may never meet a soul mate by a miracle but he/she may be just around you. Someone who was always there. Someone who always cared when you were sad, someone who went great distance of discomfort just to comfort you, someone who is first to wish you on your birthday and arrange a good birthday party, someone who knows when to talk to you and when to leave you alone, someone who openly criticizes you but behind your back is always defensive. Someone who is ordinary, simple and natural. He may not drive a ferrari, she may not be a sparkling diva. Someone who is not a genius, but use his/her brain properly to make you feel happy. Don’t look for heroes and heroines in life as they don’t exist, just search for the unsung heroes and heroines of your life who you are ignoring just because they do not match your filmy criteria of perfection.

Finding a soul mate is not as complicated as people have made it and there is chance of bumping into wrong persons again a again but that is life. Rarely we get what we are looking for in the first attempt. It’s all about not giving up faith on life and hoping that we will find the right person at the right time and for that you have to try and come out of your comfort zone. You have to learn to give people chance, adjust for mutual good and if not forgive and let people go. Real life is all about taking chances, failing, healing and moving on. Life is about forgiving and forgetting and do not letting one bad experience influence the future decisions.

Pursuit of soul mate is not a simple journey, but it’s a beautiful journey before you reach your destination eventually. It’s a journey worth having as it teaches a lot, makes you a strong person and it makes you realize the worth of what you have. Happy Journey all !! J