3 Indians in Bhutan .....

We all dreamt of a foreign trip in our childhood. Foreign countries always fascinate us, somehow we were raised with the opinion that foreign countries are better than our country. They are cleaner, modern, sophisticated and people are well cultured. Foreign visit is one of the great middle Indian dream. As we grow up we see some of our seniors and fellow students who are employed with IT firms travel to various places, one of the greatest perks and motivation in life of an IT engineer, site visit. We saw their photos and we get excited. Then those who go for post-graduation studies also put photos of Halloween, first snow, some random colorful forest, a big clean empty street and we naturally unfollow them because we don’t want that kind of pressure in our life.

One other important dream in college is a trip. For our generation who was in teenage when ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ was released, an awesome trip with college friends is a must do task in life. Lots of plans throughout graduation which never takes shape, cancelled Goa trip every year, and finally post-graduation trip plans that somehow one has to execute else one’s degree will be incomplete. So we started with thinking about plan for north-east India back in January which never got executed as we were too lazy to book tickets and prepare a large group for economies of scale. Back in August the trip itch started again and became unbearable so the effort to create a group of 6 people for a north east trip started again.

At our peak success, we had 9 people but then as it happens tickets were booked for only 4 and that too for a Bhutan trip and as the last scene in climax a person dropped out 3 days before making it only 3 person, somehow we were determined that without this trip our souls will be trapped in college forever making random trip plans which will eventually get cancelled and we will haunt the generations living in hostel so we decided to go forward with the trip and we are glad now we did it.

Our trip started with a 6 AM train from Jamshedpur to Kolkata. As we are accustomed to stay up which is a safer and reliable option we did that. We reached Kolkata and went to Park Street where we had a luxurious breakfast, far luxurious from the economic constraint we put on ourselves running on economy of scale. We have to stop at MacD in the front as apparently we weren’t western enough to use the ‘fully western washrooms’ at Flurys. After a coffee at MacD, we had no idea how to spend rest of our day as our train was around 11 PM. We reached the Kolkata station and slept waking up after 4 hours with no idea of where we were and how we reached here. We took a pleasant dinner at pizza hut at a mall and reached Kolkata station again.

The train moved exactly on time and we were hoping to have a sound sleep as we were travelling in sleeper class after a long time. As it turns out, sometimes the cold fresh air flowing throughout the coach from outside gives you a better sleep than AC coaches. All of us woke up after perfect sleep of 10 hours. I always consider trains as moving food outlets as I am fascinated by various items being sold inside the train and usually I try to experiment as much as I can. The items change in different region ranging from vadapav of Maharashtra, jhalmuri in Bengal, pakoda in rajasthan or we can have variation of same dish like aaloo bada, aaloo chop, aaloo bonda in different parts.

So we reached Hasimara station took a cab and crossed the Indo border Bhutan at Jaigaon. Boom, entered foreign soil for the 1^st time in life. We went to immigration office and got permit to visit Thimphu and Paro. The interesting thing about this trip was it was unplanned. We want to explore things as they come instead of a much planned schedule. We didn’t book any hotels, any cabs or talked to any travel agents. We were not even sure how much cities we will visit and in what order. Our sole intention was to explore and bump into unexpected situations making and hoping for unexpected events that will make the perfect journey and recipe for interesting stories.

We roamed around for a while observing the different architecture and dressing style. We had lunch at a restaurant where majority of dishes were Indian still we had some successful experiment with Bhutanese dishes. We hired a cab and our journey began. Our car rode through never ending spiral roads on hill well decorated with mist. The air was so fresh and cool, one can get high on oxygen. The sky so bright and clear with the full view of Milky Way, a delight to eyes of 3 Indians who were habitual of the polluted red sky of Jamshedpur from more than a year. We stopped midway for tea. Tea lovers will really enjoy Bhutani tea as it tastes different in a good way. Also, they serve tea in really large cups so you will feel quite fulfilled and contented at the end.

We reached Thimphu at night and too tired by the turny track, going uphill and downhill for 6 hours we just searched for a hotel and slept. In the morning, sunlight revealed the beautiful heaven we failed to appreciate in night. Thimphu is such a treat to the eyes, one can just gaze the bluish sky and silver clouds without getting bored for whole day. The house are beautifully made, streets are wide and empty, there are so many colors everywhere, one can easily get lost in them. Although most shops do not open and start functioning before 10 AM so one may find tough to find good breakfast. We somehow managed to get fried rice and tea and our tour began.

We first went to Thimphu Chorten which was pretty much like a temple. I learnt the concept that those cylinder shaped structures that everyone must have seen in Buddhist temples actually have prayers written on them and when you rotate them 360 degree, it means you have said those prayers. We next went to Buddha Dordenma and the whole experience was heavenly. Standing on the top of the mountain one can see the entire city from one end to another and what a beautiful sight that was. The air so fresh, people so cheerful, place so peaceful, wind so refreshing, complete stress buster. We wished to stay there forever, we didn’t want to move, we were so transfixed by the beauty and peace of that place. It’s still so fresh in my memory.

Later we went to another quite old looking temple, a zoo to see Bhutan's national animal  and lastly we visited the garden outside the king’s palace. We were getting used to Bhutan’s environment, traditions, life style and way of doing things by then. One interesting thing we discovered is in Bhutan if someone is waiting to cross the road then the vehicles stops and ask you to cross the road first, quite an amazing experience that was. I wonder if we start doing the same in India. We moved to a hotel with wifi as apparently it was little smothering to not check whatsapp once every hour.

Cities in Bhutan sleep very early. By 9 almost every shop is closed and lights are off. Streets are empty as if the city is abandoned. It’s the perfect time for travelers to wander as Bhutan is a safe place. So we wandered and discovered a pizzeria where we had some amazing dishes. Another good thing about travelling is you can turn off your worries and thoughts for a while and live in the moment and you can interact with other people more freely. We had some great conversations in the peace of night, topics we rarely discussed even though staying in the same hostel for a year. Most of the Bhutan’s cable show Hindi channels, so we weren’t so disconnected with the country but also there were some Pakistani news channel so it was interesting to see the same news from two different point of view.

We woke early next morning to visit Punakha, a small town. The road was quite bumpy but scenery and the weather were so delightful we didn’t feel the pain of the road. We stopped in between at Dochula Pass where there was a café and a temple. We were lucky, when we reached the top of the temple the clouds started making way for the most beautiful Himalayan panorama. I have no words to describe the feeling of that scene. The clouds slowly drifting apart like god himself is sketching the perfect scenery to describe the beauty of mountains. The bluish sky, the greyish clouds and the mountains slowly peaking in between shining with their glory with the little sunlight that struggled and fought multiple barriers to reach and rest at its final abode. So many shades of lights were visible from that spot, one can really wonder the palatte of god is filled with so many colors to cover the big canvas of nature.

We reached punakha and wandered here and there in the punakha dzong. Before that we sat in silence and enjoyed the music created by the merging of two rivers, Mochu and Pochu. 2 different water streams with different characteristics, 1 a little darker than the other, a little faster, more turbulent as if two distant cousin one a naughty one and another a shy and reclusive one meeting together and walking as a single entity afterwards. There was nothing much to do in punakha, it is one of that place where the journey is much more valuable than the destination. We returned in the night back at Thimphu and watched the King’s palace boasting of its royal luster and might in the beautiful lights that has covered its entirety as if protecting it from darkness. We were lucky to find a great place to dine. Food lovers will absolutely fall in love with Bhutan because the food here is so delicious yet so cheap.

We left Thimphu with a heavy heart in the morning. That’s the thing with beautiful places, they become part of your life very easily and then you don’t want to depart from them. In between the way, we discussed multiple ways through which we can reside in Thimphu permanently but we knew the fantasies can just help us escape from the reality for a while. Our next destination was Paro, another very beautiful city pretty close to Thimphu. We stopped in between at an old bridge made of chains and full of all those prayers, the typical clichéd image of any Himalayan Buddhist City.

In Paro, we booked a very cheap hotel for some reason as it was in the middle of town and it gave a feeling that we are part of the town not tourists. We went to Bhutan national museum first and realized that Bhutan is not about Buddhism alone, they have so many deities, and their mythology is completely different and unique. But the best feature was not on the inside of the museum but the outside part. The view was so mesmerizing, so divine, so serene, so pure, so many shades of green distributed all over the place, such a delight to the naked eyes and in between a river flowing, it was really a breath taking moment. You can just stand on a spot like this for hours and contemplate so many philosophical thing and I bet not even once you will think about your career or life or other materialistic trap for a second. Places like this take you a level away from your existing conscious, they appeal to your inner brain, they trigger those feelings and emotions which hitherto never comes out due to mundane worries.

Like the good parts there were bad parts also. As it was an unplanned trip we mostly relied on local drivers and their integrity to their profession. Sadly it was not the case. Our driver didn’t take us to multiple spots in Thimphu and Punakha giving lame reasons. He sent his friend to Paro and because of their internal colluding we missed a very important spot i.e. Tiger’s Nest. One is bound to get cheated in a foreign country and that was our lesson in Bhutan. The driver took us only till the bottom of the hill, he delayed in between multiple times to ensure we reach very late and then later he denied to wait saying he want to go back to Thimphu. We had a huge altercation but there was nothing much in our hand due to stubbornness of the driver and paucity of time. May be it was god’s way of calling us back to Bhutan one day to finish the unfinished business.

We returned with a very bad and heavy mood to Paro town but we were instantly cheered up by the delicious cuisines everywhere. We later hired a cab and visited a local temple afterwards we roamed around in the town for hours, stepping in at numerous shops, wandering here and there, thinking what to buy and whether to buy something or not as things were pretty expensive. Families and friends are bound to get hurt and angry if we don’t bring anything and as everyone does, we also hoped here and there to buy something affordable. The night was heavy as we knew it was our last night in Bhutan. Tomorrow we will be back to our homeland, the reality, the college, the career, the grades, and no escape from life.

We took a cab early morning and flowed in the beautiful scenery for one last time. It was like a slideshow of wallpapers. The colors will change so quickly on every turn. Suddenly, out of nowhere there will be a river peaking like a small child full of energy which will become thunderous like a mighty warrior boasting his full glory. There will be waterfalls here and there, so many of them and they are so beautiful to see from different angels. Such road trips definitely triggers some powerful imagination, something deep in your head, something you can feel but you can’t explain, something not controlled by rational part of your brain but something that makes you happy. Something that brings a very pleasant smile on your face. When you open the doors of your car, put your face out a little and feel the cold wind touching your face as if its giving you a thousand blessing, it’s reciting some peaceful hymn in your ear that is making you calm and happy from within. The mist diffused with the greenery and the blue sky turning once in a while makes you feel so close to nature. The ride was a never ending ride to joy.

We stopped for breakfast at the same hotel we stopped while coming and we just realized how quickly 3 days have passed. We wondered whether life will give such tranquil moments again or not. Our driver asked us whether we were married or not then he told us that he has married 4 times and he has 6 children. He also told that he is planning to divorce his present wife and marry again as he wants a daughter. Such sensitive topics in our country, quite a taboo which no one wants to talk on is so simple for this person. He was a jolly good fellow, he was a representative of Bhutan, and he was the emblem of Bhutan, a country known for giving happiness priority.

We came to Phuntsholing and we decided to cross the border by foot. There is a small corridor we went through and we were thinking that things won’t change much. It’s a border town, there must be multiple similarities but what a stark difference we found outside. It’s wonderful that India is same anywhere you go. We left a silent serene colorful town and we arrived at the same picture every Indian sees daily. Cars honking, Auto drivers screaming, roads full of traffic and complete chaos. The difference was quite powerful to the extent we felt like running back to Bhutan. But let’s face it, India is beautiful in its own way, we might not be as systematic as other countries but we have a heart of our own. I bet many people who always cribbed when they were here and left it, a part of them still misses India. No country can replace our motherland same as the fact that a mother may have few shortcomings but she is mother nonetheless. There is no perfect mother and our motherland is still dear to us inspite of all the flaws and we as proud children will help to cure these flaws. We boarded our train and returned to Kolkata, had a great breakfast again and came back to college.

 So our first foreign trip ended, only 5 days and so many memories, such vast experiences, Bhutan will make you fall in love with it easily. It’s one thing to read about a carbon negative country and completely different experience to feel the greenery and oxygen everywhere. It’s one thing to read that Bhutan is the happiest country in the world and completely different experience to see cheerful and friendly people talking in Hindi or English everywhere. A small country with simple people who respects you as a guest and once in a while you will fall in love with a happy face here. You may wish to return to that store but you know you won’t and you can’t. Bhutan is that happy face, which marks a deep impression in your heart and every time you remember that smiling happy face, there is a smile on your face too. Bhutan reminded us that life is much more than college, a high paying job, money or career. Life is about pursuing the real meaning of life, life is about finding love, life is about experiencing places and meeting new people. Life is about wandering and I hope I will wander more in my life, explore new places, fall into uncertain situations and have the same smiling face as I saw at every corner in Bhutan.

The 100th Post.........

6 years of writing, 100 posts, numerous comments and feedback, many thoughts written, many not written, many blog posts drafted and left unfinished, many posts started with some idea but ended on completely different note, some posts written to please people, some to please me, some to tell the world I can write, some to tell myself that I can think, some to bookmark events of life, some to capture time, my blog has seen it all. It has been a medium to motivate people or to vent out my frustration, it has been a diary, it has been a complaint box, it has been a career guide, and it stood still like a silent spectator of my journey from a small city to one of the leading b school of the country. It has been my shoulder when I had nowhere to go, it has been a smiling face to celebrate my victories, it has been a silent friend who stood with me in my loneliness telling me there is hope in life, it has been a careful watcher, it is a part of my life I return to time to time. It is me, my soul in encrypted form, witnessing and capturing every aspect of my life. It’s my subtle perspective.

Voldmort was very intelligent to have a diary as a horcrux. You may not be always there, you are a perishable product. But words and thoughts are immortal. You can always be there as a memory. You can have your presence felt. Many of the quotes we share on FB are said by people belonging to different ages and culture, but they are with us and in this age of information, words can make any person, celebrity or non-celebrity immortal. I doubt Anne Frank had any idea that she will be such a well known personality and a emblem of Jewish holocaust when she was writing her diary, she was just a little girl capturing the world from her eyes but she is immortal now. 

6 years back when I started it, I had no idea I would be able to carry it to such a long time. I have habit of switching from interesting activities. I have fantasized myself playing a music instrument and to be a Rock star, singing and mesmerizing everyone, dancing and making people skip their heartbeat, all the mainstream ways of impressing people and making an identity I have thought through, tried a few and then stopped it. It turns out I shaped myself more as a writer with time and here I am writing about what I could be and what I am. I am everything I want to be because I can write. I can make characters and put my soul into it. I can be a singer in a story, a guitarist in another. I can create my own fantasy world because words are powerful. Words are powerful than any other entity in the world because they let you create your reality and your fantasy. If you are not happy with your reality, you can create your fantasy and once you learn how to do it, you won’t find reality much difficult to cope up with.

What started as an experiment turned into a life time memoir. A boy who reads and writes mostly in Hindi started his venture in the world of English, a language associates with high class. I was never comfortable in English, to a large extend I still don’t find as much comfort in English as I find in Hindi. I have been ridiculed, thrashed and insulted for my poor grammar. People have laughed on my posts in front of me. I have been mocked and I have enjoyed every part of it. Because, it was an improvement cycle. I have not edited any of my previous posts. I still visit them, look at all the grammatical errors, poor sentence construction, use of misplaced tough word to flaunt vocabulary and I also laugh at them now. But I know how much I have improved only by writing, nothing else. I have tried reading wren and martin for more than 20 times and I have never gone past 10 chapters. I have tried many other ways but never continued but I didn’t stop writing. As it turns out, practice indeed makes a man perfect.

Writing is definitely not an easy job but at the same time it is not as tough as people have made it look like. It’s not arrangement of some hardcore tough words which are rhyming and makes you appear cool. It’s just expression, the only question is can you dare to express? Can you pour your emotions out in public or even on a paper in private? Can you dare to give a physical form to your inner turmoil? Writing is not about syntax. Lots of people know grammar and word, it is about soul and we all have soul, we just need to put it out. If I was focusing on grammar, I doubt I would have completed 100 posts. During my 1^st year of engineering, many people started their own blog. In fact, at a time there were 13 blogs running parallel with different people sketching different thoughts on the canvas of blogger. Unfortunately, no one continued it, not even for 6 months. Life has a way of taking us away from our hobbies. Even I have my phases of ‘writer’s block’ during which I fail to write a single line but somehow I always return to writing.

Also, you can’t write solely for the purpose of impressing others. I have tried and I have failed, many have tried and they have also failed. You can’t write to get Facebook likes and favorable comments. You can try, but it won’t last long and if you aren’t a professional writer, there aren’t any rewards or motivation associated with this hobby. People may like 1 or 2 of your post, then you would lost into oblivion again for a long time. Many of your posts will go unnoticed like a deserted field with no traces of any happening ever. Many of your posts will draw criticism or may be people will laugh on them especially in the beginning. The reward never lies in the no. of FB likes you get, it will happen on one fine day when a random person who you may not even know or know but never talked will message you that he read one of your post and it changed his life. It made him pursue his goal again, it restored his faith in life, it made him laugh or smile, it made him looking forward to read more. That’s the reward you will get, nothing in public just a few smiles and appreciation in private that will keep your engine running to write more.

A write writes for the silent spectator. Those who would never express their opinion or give any feedback but those who want to read. They are the people you will never met in your life but they know you, they know you’re thinking, they know your reactions and they wait for your posts. A writer writes to give voice to those unheard people, a writer writes to bring out their frustration, a writer writes to let them know that they are not alone, a writer writes to show the world that it’s roughly same for all, we all have similar experiences in life. A writer is a messenger that connects reality with imagination.

Having said and claimed all these big statements, I know that I am not a great writer. I have been blessed with the gift of words by god and I have developed an ability to express. I am far away from being good but it’s a process not a competition. The aim is to write something good that will touch few lives and not write a bestselling book. I know my limitations and I am happy with them. May be someday I can write something worthy, till then it’s roughly my own life experiences and life from my perspective. I hope I will improve with time, I will read more and read better to improve myself. I will encourage others to write so that they can also paint their own picture.

So whoever is reading this, I request them to start writing, not frequently not much, just some words once in a while. You will feel good, you will get to know about yourself. You can revisit yourself few years back, you can see the changes in you. You can stay in touch with your past and you can smile. You need not have a fancy blog and lots of followers, best writing is often never revealed to world, it's too precious to share with world, just have a personal diary. Write in it once in a while and you will have something precious forever. 

PS: This picture is of Ajit Agarkar's celebrating his century at lord’s, a big achievement which even Sachin failed to do. Life is all about persistence, you may not be a legend but you can do legendary things if you try. Keep writing people. 

Are we really hard on ourselves .... ?

Are we really hard on ourselves?

The question popped up in my mind while doing one of the counselling assignments where I was supposed to observe the counselling process. We have a subject where we are supposed to counsel each other, 1 person plays the role of a counsellor the other one becomes a counselee and 1 person observes the entire process and takes notes. What’s surprising is the fact that most of us have similar problems and the roots of those problems can be traced back to similar origins. In fact, it’s something I have observed everywhere I have been to. People are never satisfied with what they have and they are always reproaching themselves for it. People always think that they are lazy, dumb, unskilled, inferior, procrastinating and could have achieved much more if they were more hard working, sincere and serious towards life.

From childhood we are raised with lessons of hard work, being focused, being unsatisfied, always aiming higher, I think that has produced an entire generation which is always unsatisfied and insecure and always competing. I have rarely seen anyone satisfied with his/her life and achievements for a long span, people celebrate victories for a while and then get into the rat race again. When dreams become realities, when success is realized, when victory is achieved, people hardly find time to sit quietly for a while, rest and relax, pat themselves on their back, and live the moment fully. There is always a future to think upon, that’s exactly how we are raised. Never rest, never quit, just compete, just run, keep on running, don’t get satisfied, there is much more to achieve, all the clichés were part of our holy book of living life, to compete became our karma, hard work became our religion and in this process insecurity became our god.

Our colleagues, our classmates, even our friends, everyone is a potential rival, a potential competitor, a threat, someone who can run through us, go ahead and won’t stop to pick us up. We are not satisfied with what we are but we are always aiming for what we can be. Now, this article may looks very negative or in fact opposite of what general motivational articles are. But, right now I am not talking about motivation. May be, many of us don’t need motivation at all, we just need relaxation and realization. We just need to appreciate small victories and celebrate big defeats.

I have seen people pushing themselves really hard to get a decent paying job, but when they land up with one eventually they don’t have a long lasting happiness. It’s just a temporary elation, rest they start feeling threatened again. Only the stage changes, only the track changes, only the participant changes but the race continues. No time to rest, no time to hang the boots and lie on the grass, people pick up from where they stopped and start running again. May be for promotion, for a more paying job, for an on-site opportunity, people in India mostly start studying for post- graduation. GRE, GATE, CAT, UPSC there are multiple examination. Those who don’t do anything start feeling useless when they see others working hard. It’s like an infection, person working hard is also unhappy and person who is not working hard is also unhappy when he sees other persons working hard.

What next, you land up with a better job or a good technical college or b-school. Again the track changes, participants change, running continues. Talking from my personal experiences, when I joined XLRI which is one the most reputed and prestigious college I talked to many people initially who were of the opinion that they have done enough hard work for life, did a job of 10+ hours daily along with study and now they want to relax. Within 2 weeks, everyone realizes that they are in the biggest circus of life, professors are the ring master and grading system is a whip. A whip that will make you dance on its tune, now there is a competition to stay relevant amongst the best, amongst those who are equally talented and hard working as you are, and you will be evaluated relatively. So, all the happiness of making it to best school vanishes quickly and you have to prepare yourself for another battle, a battle for survival because many gives up the hope of thriving very early. There is struggle for grades and then there is struggle for job and with the continuous assurance that you will live the life of your dream once it’s over.

Like your parents and society fooled you during 10^th board, then during 12^th, for college entrance preparation, during graduation and then post-graduation or job. There is this carrot of pursuing our hobbies and interest that never come. Most of us didn’t learn guitar, or start regular gyming or travelled the world because we kept on fooling ourselves since a long time that once I achieve this goal, I will quit the race, hang my boots and smell the flowers. What we lose in this process, our happiness, our stability, our satisfaction, our peace.

I have seen people always in regret that they are not doing well with their life. They haven’t achieved anything. They could have utilized time way better than what they are doing right now. People are hard on themselves. We are turned into a masochist in the process. Then there are inconsistent phases of us living our ideal life. Some people going gym, some learning guitar, some studying regularly, but then once our consistency breaks, we are sad and disappointed again. We start blaming ourselves again, we are hard on ourselves, we are our own punisher, we are our own judge, we became the parents that puts pressure of expectation on us, we became the society that judge us, we became the coach that push ourselves for working hard, we became the teaser and taunter, we became our worst nightmares.

All for few successes, which never ends, only the criteria changes. We may be successful for few but not for many and people keep changing in our life. We may be successful for those who are not in a good college but we can perceive ourselves as failure because we are unknown here, we don’t have good grade, or we may get a job way below average here. The same package might be something we could only dream of after 10 years in our previous job. But we used to perceive ourselves as a failure back then although we were successful for someone who hasn’t got a job. It’s a matter of perspective, we decide whether we are successful or failure, and for some we will be successful always. For a person earning 3 lakh, 12 lakh is a big deal but a guy studying in a college where average package is 17 lakh, he would perceive himself as a loser. Our perception is the reason of our dissatisfaction.

And the race never ends, it’s an addiction, we are addicted to compete, we are addicted to be hard on ourselves, we are addicted to chase the carrot of peace and pursuing hobbies and interest. We are running since a long time and we have been brainwashed to such extent that we think only running is the purpose of life. It is not, purpose of life is living, a life which has proper mixture of rest and hard work, perfect combination of victories and defeats, involvement of both friends and enemies, interaction with both companions and competitors. Life is an experience, live it before it’s late.

For all those who are employed or who are studying, just think for a while when you are 70, lying on a bed in some hospital with all the money and success, what will you be thinking that time? Will you be happy on all you earned or you will regret what you missed? Your designation might not bring that much a comfort than the photographs you clicked while on a solo trip would. Your cash will be much less meaningful than the poems you had written. There would be many people visiting you, bringing flowers and fruits if you had time in your life to build relationship and you didn’t crush people to move up the ladder.

Life is short, too uncertain, and too unpredictable, it doesn’t take much to be happy. A smile is contagious, positivity is like an epidemic, spread it. Ending with Jim Carrey’s quote:

"I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer"?

The Friendship Cycle ............. !!!

It’s been almost 14 months now since I arrived at XLRI. Whenever you arrive at a new place the best part is meeting new people. Crazy people, funny people, silent ones, arrogant ones, moody, you get to know so much about them in a relatively small span of time and at the same time you are able to share a lot about you so in turn you get to know yourself better. You get to hang around at new places with new people and that’s a completely new experience. During one such expedition, someone asked me to write a blog about it and that’s why I decided to write about how friendship starts. I had no idea what role this girl will play in my life. I have just met her 5 days ago, whether we will be friend or just group partner for a project and then part away. It’s hard to tell. The guy with spectacle sitting with us looks very serious and disinterested. I had no idea whether he will be friend with a person like me who is always talking and take things lightly. As it turns out, they are integral part of my XLRI life now.

Why we are able to tune much better with a group and not with some other group, why we have a hint of dislike for some people even if we haven’t talked to them yet, why we prefer few over others, why we talk to so many people in the beginning but after a while get confined to a group of few? There are so many questions to ponder over and too much uncertainty in the answers.

So how friendship starts? Try to think about 3 of your best friends.

Done?

Now try to recall how you met them first, what kind of conversation you had with them, what was your initial perception about them, did you thought that you would have a life long relationship with them. It may be the case that you despised your best friend in the first interaction, you didn’t like their attitude and never thought that this person would have such a big significance in your life. On the other hand, there were many with whom you had a great bonding and tuning in the earlier phase but they fade away quickly from your life and are mostly a blurry image now.

The more I ponder over friendship, the more it appears a freakish coincidence. You met with some people and you become good friends with them. What if instead, you would have met some other person, it’s just a coincidence that the person you met become your best friend. The story could have been completely different if you had met some other person. Are we destined to be with some people or it’s just governed by the rule of randomness? Friendship is result of just a chance, or we would have become good friends with people we are now anyway no matter we met them 1^st or we met them after meeting many other people at the same place.

Some of us are lucky enough to be blessed with having the eternal company of a friend since childhood, while some of us have people who came into our life for a while, made a big impact and they are strangers now. The cycle of being a stranger first, then acquaintance, friend, close friend, old friends and stranger again is quite complex and painful. You are part of someone’s friendship day’s wish status on Facebook in some year but now you are replaced by other names and this change happens automatically. Not all friendship turns into being stranger by an ugly end or fight, they just transform gradually with time and next time you talk to a person, you have no idea who you are talking to, it feels like talking to a stranger.

I have seen lots of people sharing a particular picture these days on Facebook which states that we have grown up and we all are busy now so there is no need to stay in touch regularly, people must know that we are there for you when you will need. I find this picture very ironic and insensitive. Helping others in need I think is just a very small part of friendship. When required, even strangers help, the neighbour you have never talked to will also help, and friendship is not something that is done for taking and giving help. Friendship is about sharing memories, creating them, making life awesome and sharing and celebrating it. If it was about helping, it’s a business. I personally don’t think so there is anything called busy. We are not busy 24 hours and even if we are it can’t be for 7 days and if you are then there is something really wrong with the career decision you have taken. For most others, new people just replace old people, priority changes, relevance and importance changes, we just don’t feel to stay in touch with people who were insuperable part once. It is a reality, no matter how cruel a joke it is, people come and go in your life.

Some people’s emotions are temporary, they make big promises when they are in your life but they will move on much quickly. It’s rather a painful part of life which exists in all of our life, and may be knowingly or unknowingly we might have done same with some person. Are we in touch with all the people we were once? Have we tried to rekindle any old relationship which was very dear to us once? How often we try to revive our friendship before giving up? It’s very easy to quit, it’s very easy to take things on your ego or self-respect and say that if he/she doesn’t need me, I will walk away from his/her life without bothering. Quitting is perhaps, in any field, most easy part in life. But it takes courage to hold on to  a relationship, it takes courage to heal it and revive it, it takes courage and effort to keep watering dried up roots of once a very fruitful tree but if it’s worth it, we should do it.

The worst that can happen with any friendship is it getting converted into a formality. I would rather prefer an ugly end with all bridges burned than just wishing a friend twice and thrice with having no idea on what’s going on his/her life. A friend, specially a close one should always be someone you should be eager to share your success or find a shoulder to cry on. It’s good to have few close friends in life with whom you can fight as much as you can, say bad things without thinking anything, judge them, tell them they were wrong and when they are wrong laugh on them saying I told you so. It’s good to have few close friends that you can call at 2 AM, wake them up and say that you just called to disturb. It’s good to have few close friends because you know you can count on them.

For others, who were part of your life but now aren’t and you have put enough efforts to stick on the relation but you know it’s not worth it anymore. It’s good to let them go. There is no point in holding any grudge against them. They have played the part in your life destiny wanted them to play. They taught you what they came far, they changed you as god wanted and now they are on their separate ways. Life is not always what we want it to be, but there won’t be any point living if we always get what we want. I have tried to hold on to many important relationship since my graduation ended. I tried to message people regularly, call them, share with them what is happening in my life and I was disappointed when people didn’t reply. It’s hard to see people changing without any reason, people giving lame excuse is further painful but that’s a part you have to accept. You can’t retain all the people in your life but those who you would will be worth it. As you move on in your life, you will have fewer important people and far more once ‘good friends’ type people. Hold on to those fewer important people, rest were just fellow travellers who left at their destination, but these few will walk with you till the very destination.

I am recalling every important person right now who have crossed paths with me ever since I gained conscious and I suggest you also to do the same. I am thinking about those who left in between, why they left, what they are doing right now. Was it really their fault that they left, did I have any contribution for breaking of that relationship, can I rekindle it again? How many of those are worth rekindling? Why not give a try? Why not filter out some of those relationship who could make our life wonderful and better. Why not catch up from where we left with them. Let us tell our story and hear their story. Let us refresh some old memories and laugh again with them.

Also, those who are still there. Why not tell them that you are grateful for their presence. You appreciate their presence in your life and you acknowledge the fact that their presence have made your life more legendary. Friendship is about small gestures not big show offs. Friendship is about small talks not big dialogues. Friendship is about sharing a smile. Friendship is about pulling legs and teasing. It’s a wonderful experience, it is god’s gift to us, it is like reading a book and creating a story. Every character is different, you live in a story and you are the god of your character, why not make this film a happy movie. Why not appreciate and acknowledge everyone for what they have done for you. As I finish this, I have prepared a list mentally and I know it will be awkward but it’s worth it. I hope you have created your list as well and pick up your phone soon you stop reading it.

I started this blog back in June 2015, I wrote parts of it in different timelines. My views of friendship changed a lot in between. Many characters in my life changed in between. Those who were important are not in the picture, some others have joined, and wheel of life keeps moving. I don’t know how many people will stay, I don’t know whether I will be a good friend to those I am right now, I don’t know how life will change my priority but I hope I won’t lose my faith in friendship and I hope you also won’t.

Keep smiling! Happy friendship day to all !! J

Writer's Block..........

 There used to be a time when I had 4 or 5 unfinished articles in my laptop just waiting for me to complete them. When every conversation with someone, going to a new place or even day to day normal tasks like travelling or visiting an office were source of exciting ideas; ideas that can be transformed into something meaningful. I have written on many abstract topics ranging from politics, motivation, optimism, love, girls, boys, beauty and death. I used to sketch my frustrations, happiness, celebrations, heart breaks all on paper ( MS Word in modern context) and pour my heart into it. But lately I have been going through the worst writer’s block of my life. I have had writer’s block before, but never for such a long period and never ever it made me so helpless that I am unable to write even few lines. Finally, I decided to experiment and face my fear, defeat the writer’s block by writing about it. If I can’t write, why not write about the process of not being able to write.

I don’t know when exactly it started that I lost my ability to express my feelings and thoughts into words. My regular blogging stopped as soon as I get into a b school due to the rigorous schedule and lack of time. Though, I tried on numerous occasion to continue but couldn’t, I failed to write even small paragraphs. Guess, writing has a lot to do with peace of mind and stability along with time or may be it is the opposite. Writing has a lot to do with turmoil and disturbed thoughts. One of my friend suggested me that the sole inspiration of my writing was my ‘struggle’ and after getting into a good B school my struggling days are over and hence I have lost my ability to write.

Writer’s block is the most unproductive thing that can happen with anyone. You will sit hours gazing at your laptop point blank but no thought will cross your mind. You will try to push yourself hard by holding a pen and a paper and you will end up with some random doodles and multiple signatures of yours. You will read your own old posts and try to remind yourself about your glorious past but it won’t be of much help instead it would increase your pain and grief on your inability to repeat something that once come to you so naturally.

The inability to write for a writer is pretty much like a superhero losing his power. Now, a writer is not a superhero for the world but he has his own imaginary world where he is the creator and destroyer. He can create and destroy characters, change their fate, play with them and he can play with his own thoughts and tamper them in any way he likes. And he carries this imaginary world with him even in the real world. He observes people and what is happening around him and reflect the same in his imaginary world.

So many thoughts cross across the mind daily, thoughts that make you happy or sad, delighted or stressed, positive or negative, optimistic or pessimist and when you are unable to vent them out then they stay in your mind and increase the turmoil. A painter unable to create a colourful world, a musician unable to produce a beautiful melody, a dancer unable to move with the rhythm, and a writer unable to generate words. We all are storytellers in some or other way and our stories captures all the beautiful emotions of the world so it is very necessary for us to generate the stories in some way or another.

I kept alive the writing spirit by updating the facebook status but few days back I felt that I have nothing to write on. I couldn’t think about anything. It was a blank state of mind which actually got me worried whether I have lost it all. The writer inside me has died which pretty much kills a part of me as Mayank Sharma is known as the one who updates his status on facebook, who writes blog and poems, the writer, the only consistent identity I have. I am not good in any sports, I don’t know any music instrument, I don’t know singing or dancing, I can cook well but I am not known for cooking, so if you exclude the writing part also I become nothing. I am just a face in the crowd with no identity. Someone who is there but is not known to many, someone who is there in pictures but no one has any memory associated with that person. The feeling of being nobody is the most troubling thought a person like me who has always maintained that his ultimate aim in life is to be known.

I pondered over my inability to write for a long time. Maybe I have lost the ability to write, it is like a onetime thing, you have it for a while and then when situation changes you lose it. A broken heart generates music and to get over a girl you convert her into literature. Maybe writing requires struggle, only a mind full of worries and uncertainty can write, not a stable mind. Perhaps I require a muse or another heart break to kick start the writing engine again. Maybe it requires plenty of time to think which is not possible in a busy schedule or a routine that has multiple elements or maybe I am just lazy now. I can open my MS Word but then open Facebook and youtube and do random scrolling, watch random videos and then close the MS Word crying on my inability to write anymore.

But I think one of the most important reason is that I have become conscious about writing. When I started writing I was free. It was just me, some words and some thoughts. A theme I have to paint across. I didn’t care about people, I didn’t care about what others will think, and I always knew not many people will read it. But the kind of response few posts have generated, the thought that people are reading it and I am writing for 6 years now have generated a kind of pressure, a standard I have to maintain, some expectations I have to fulfil. I can’t randomly pick a topic and write on it because I have to answer now. Whenever I read my early posts, I see lots of mistakes. Silly grammatical mistakes along with sentence correction, many posts which were awful in structure and in their flow. Many didn’t even make any sense but I enjoyed writing them and the need is to enjoy what you do.

I am trying to get back to the basics again, just enjoy the writing. Do not think about the fact that it will be good or bad, what will people think, what kind of image I will create by writing this and that, the assumptions and fears shouldn’t stop the process. Writing in its crude form is expression, good or bad, correct or incorrect, the expression must go on, the memories must be painted, voice should be raised, opinions must be shared and I think I need to go back to the same state from where I started. Just write on whatever I feel to write instead of thinking about it.

Lots of posts in my mind, will write them soon, thank you for reading, I would be glad if you can help me to fight with this phase and in the selection of topics I should write on !! J J

Leaving Home….

There was a time in childhood when we can’t wait to grow up. We wanted to quickly transcend to a time when we don’t have to take permission from our parents anymore. Where we can stay up as long as we want, stay out of the home and come at any time we want. Little did we know that time that growing up is not as much fun as it appeared that time. Being independent doesn’t give us as much freedom as we thought we would have. It took us years to realize that there is no better place on this planet than our home.

One of the worst fear of our childhood was to get separated from our parents. In every crowded place, we used to hold our parents finger tight just to ensure that they are with us. If our mom or dad was late in coming home, we used to open the door, stay outside till they come. In the era where mobile weren’t that common, there was no way to ensure our parents are safe when they are outside. We used to sympathize with children studying in boarding schools and used to wonder how they can survive without their parents.

At the same time our parents were our ultimate protector. They always had an eye on us whether we were playing video game inside or cricket outside. They always gave us instruction about staying away from strangers and their worst fear was also to get separated from their children. But destiny find its own way to separate parents from their children.

Most of us were unrooted from their hometown either after X or after XII, at the age when we used to watch Hollywood serials where kids were having dating problem or wondering what hobbies to pursue, we were getting prepared for our career. In India, all of us have one foot always in future and we are forced to stay alone in a time when we need our family support most.

Leaving home for the first time is the toughest. You have no idea how would you survive. From picking up groceries to having decent food, from travelling alone to sleeping in night alone. There are so many worries. We all have seen our mother crying while leaving us while our father holding his tear and supporting the mother, our elder siblings supporting us while our younger siblings just wondering why are we leaving them. We all have packed our ‘laddus’, dry fruits and god’s statues and went alone on a never ending journey and we are still riding. We have become solitary riders in a perpetual tunnel with the hope of finding light at the end of it.

We thought it would be fine one day, but guess what, leaving home is painful every time. No matter how many time you do, there is always a sharp tinge of pain you can feel in your heart when you pack your bag and say good bye. With time you just become a guest in your own home. You are taken care of, you are well fed, your relatives come to see you, and you just face only 3 questions most of the time.

When did you come?

What’s going in life?

When are you leaving?

You have well mugged and well-practiced answer for all of them and you don’t disappoint any. There is hardly any time to revisit all the places and all the memories. You prioritize and to rest you say that there will be a next time. Your visits become less frequent and span for lesser time as you grow up. You become less involved in family matters, in fact you are clueless about most event happening in your relative’s life and in your locality.

From the timid student who has kept money at three places, his mobile fully charged and wary eyes about possible threat we have grown into careless travellers who plan visits in last time, arrange tickets somehow and reaches home with lots of adventure. Time has made us realize to value things that we never cared earlier. We crave for our parents company and we become desperate to have a breathe in our home town. We find peace here, we introspect our life on our roof watching the stars and think about how far we have come and how much else is left to go. We have become responsible, we take care of our parents, and we are mature enough to bring something for our closed once not because the gift is valued but the gesture is.

Most of us has spent countless nights alone struggling to make a meaning out of life. We have stayed up to study and stayed up for our jobs. We have obediently followed the routine of calling our mother and telling her that we have eaten and we would drink water and keep the door closed and stay out of trouble. We have lied to our father that we are studying well and doing well in life. We have struggled to keep our promise but we have continued to struggle somehow.

There are weak moments when we ponder over whether it was worth it or not, whether staying away from family, learning to eat inedible food, surviving on insufficient money and without any moral support was worth it or not. Perhaps one day everything will come together and everything will make sense. Till then the only thing that keep us going is the proud feeling with which our parents live that their children are away from home to make a future, to make a career. They took pride in telling others what their children has achieved while staying away from home. May be all this struggle is worth it for the peaceful sleep we bring to our parents that the future is bright and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Till then, we will continue to leave home, it will be painful, we will bear it, and a part of our heart will be here always, till next time when we would have tea again with our family in our home laughing together!! J