23 years have been passed, 23 long years full of ups and
downs, twists and turns. I am bearing the responsibility of ‘being Mayank’ for
the past 23 years but it seems like yesterday when I used to roam around in the streets of Ujjain, thinking what would life be when I will be young. Whether
I will be successful or not, whether I will be able to do something worth
mentioning in my life or not, whether I will be able to prove my stature in
society or not, all these questions used to puzzle me and to some extent they
still do. ‘Being Mayank’ is something that was thrust on me, a life that
started with unrealistic expectations which continued till present. ‘Being
Mayank’ was nothing more than a common boy trapped in the cobwebs of uncommon illusions.
Life moved on and I remained Mayank instead of being a faceless entity in the
crowd. A boy, having the potential of doing something notable in the society.
That’s all I ever was, a future potential and never an enjoyable present.
Growing up was the part of the same bargain, to stay top in the class , in
which, personally I never find any point. I was rather more comfortable in
reading novels and literature than finding ‘x’ or the date of battle of
Panipat. Time moved on and I stayed a Mayank everywhere I went. I crossed the
comfortable boundaries of my home town and struggled in the open world to prove
my existence and I survived to a large extent.
‘Being Mayank’ that time was always being hopeful of doing
something good and having the faith in my abilities. ‘Being Mayank’ was not letting
my failures take control over my mind. ‘Being Mayank’ was finding a way out of
the continuous pointless mugging and have some breadth of actual practical
relevant learning which was rare and illogical at that point of life. I
struggled as a Mayank and then failed as a Mayank to secure a place in any
elite Engineering college. ‘Being Mayank’ became an example of a wasted
potential, a talent of no use, a personification of not doing justice to the
god gifted abilities. But for me, ‘Being Mayank’ was to take the blow on the
head and keep moving forward. It was more or less a transformation from a
Mayank to the Mayank. It was accepting the fact that you lost but that was not
the final battle.
‘Being Mayank’ became
the ability to let go things, move on and forgive myself for the greater good.
Changes are good and defeats are great at times because they vanishes the
fear of failure. When you learn that you can breathe, talk and eat despite
being a failure according to the norms of society, you can think way beyond the
horizon of general notions of success. You can think where you can succeed and
what success is according to you . Society has become a necessary evil for one
to make one realize ones potential and dream.
‘Being Mayank’ became the dream to prove the society wrong
by following the wrong procedure of society. ‘Being Mayank’ became a
persistent struggle to prove an identity. ‘Being Mayank’ became crying foul
because you call a spade a spade. Deep inside our heart we all know that we are
much more than our marks, our college, our job but at times the truth is not publicly
acknowledged but only admitted in private.
During the same time ‘Being Mayank’ became the weakness to
submit to human emotions. ‘Being Mayank’ became a dream of a peaceful life in
warmth and closeness of someone that will complete being a Mayank. ‘Being
Mayank’ became a ray of hope, a lone sunlight, a moonlit haze. Life became a poetry
and ‘Being Mayank’ became a literature. Not all literature has a happy ending
or a clear ending. ‘Being Mayank’ became
an incomplete poem. ‘Being Mayank’ became a test to let go things for
personal peace or to suffer for a greater good. It was an era of taking tough decisions,
which may not be correct, but were the need of the hour. There were some doors
to shut forever and some to keep ajar. ‘Being Mayank’ became the portrayal of
maturity as no one else was willing to do so.
They say, they fear what they don’t understand and they
start hating what they fear. Going along with time, ‘Being Mayank’ became an
unsolvable puzzle, a subtle riddle, a complicated encrypted transcript,
consequently ‘Being Mayank’ became a threat. It was an era of blames where to
be Mayank was to be held responsible and accused of the crimes you never committed
or you weren’t even aware of. It was the time to stay silent because you knew
your voice despite containing the truth is too feeble to make any difference.
It was the era of being insulted, being played, being plotted against and
despite knowing everything willingly fall in the pit because you have no other
option left. There are times in life when you have to stay silent not because
you are weak but because you want to hit back when you are strong and sometimes
even the silence is strength because it transfers back every attack aimed at
you.
‘Being Mayank’ was not a piece of a cake because it was
forceful yet willing submission to a system you don’t want to be a part of but
you have to because you have nowhere else to go or you weren't ready to go
somewhere else. ‘Being Mayank’ was getting rejected for things you deserve
because you are Mayank. ‘Being Mayank’ was watching helplessly people much less
deserving than you getting what you have worked hard for days. ‘Being Mayank’
was to be patient, to wait for your time, to understand that this shall too
pass. ‘Being Mayank’ was to aim higher despite failing at a previous lower
level because you can’t let failure pull you back. ‘Being Mayank’ was to
collect the broken pieces of your strength and confidence and make faith out of
it.
‘Being Mayank’ was to not give up hope when the winds were
sailing against and night was dark because it’s better to drown while fighting
instead to drown while submitting. ‘Being Mayank’ was to make frustration a
motivation and pain an inspiration because at times to end pain you have to
suffer it at its maximum intensity and become immune eventually. ‘Being Mayank’
was to try one last time and ‘Being Mayank’ was to be lucky enough to get
success in your last attempt. ‘Being Mayank’ was to tell your story not because
you want to flaunt but because you want to inspire. ‘Being Mayank’ was to talk
about your journey not because you want to show off but because you want to
remind fellow travellers that journey is beautiful and destination would be
worth it one day.
23 years of ‘Being Mayank’. Countless experiences and
memories, countless people who came, some stayed some went, countless promises
which weren't hold and countless hopes which were shattered into pieces to be
reshaped and built again.
What does ‘Being Mayank’ signify right now ? ‘Being Mayank’
is a battle to strike or to wait and strike at a better time, it is a dilemma whether to explain you to the world or to stay silent because you know the world is not willing to
understand, it’s to stay a villain in many people’s life because they just don’t
want to accept your good part, it’s to accept that you are flawed but at the
same time reminding the others for the same so that they can improve. Being
Mayank is to accept that you are unacceptable to many and weird to all. It’s
the act of not acting normal as you can’t act any more. It’s a paradox of a
person who looks stupid and wise at the same time, mature and immature at the
same time, neutral and biased at the same time, strong and weak at the same
time, a person who is split into multiple behaviour and doesn't know which face
to show where.
But ‘Being Mayank’ is a gift. To be part of many people’s
life even temporary but being a part of their sadness and show them the path of
celebration when you know that most of them would forget you there but it’s
about watching the smile from a distance than laughing together. It’s about
feeling special because you know God has planned your life in a very beautiful
way and even the bad things turn into something good eventually. It’s about
having people who are more happy on your success than you and who are more
disappointed on your failure than you. It’s about enjoying the little things in
life which may be tiny but significant and as always it’s about sending a
message.
I don’t know what the future unfolds. What is going to be
down the road as I am cycling upwards now ? But I know when the right time will
come all the life’s unknown variable will be solved automatically and
complexities will reduce to simplification. Being Mayank is the hardest thing I
have ever done and yes I do get tired, frustrated, demotivated at times by this
huge baggage but still it is one of my most cherished accomplishment and I hope
to live this up to the most.
If anyone has somehow managed to reach till end. I have a small request. I know I am not perfect but there is always a scope to be better. Most of you has known me somehow or just know me through this blog. If you want to add anything else, things that you feel I should know or the world should know, you are free to comment below or you may also message me if you are too shy. This post was suppose to be a birthday gift for me by me but as always I have procrastinated it which, again, defines 'Being Mayank'.
