So, it's been long !! I haven't written anything for a long time. It's interesting that a hobby which used to be my passion and to a large extent my identity at a point of life is suddenly abandoned by me without any reason. I have been inactive not just in writing but also in my life. Life has gone stagnant these days, nothing is happening. Past couple months were neither very constructive nor very disastrous. It's queer i have the peek of both the constructive and disastrous time at the same point and now both have gone, nothing is happening at all.
So after few or better say after a lot of troubles and uncertainties I am finally back on track. Life is getting momentum again, it is pretty much like what it used to be in the early days of JEE preparation, but it's CAT now and in the span that elapsed between I can feel the difference what Sachin was indicating, the difference between a 19 year old and a 39 year old. Same difference I feel between my JEE preparation and CAT preparation ( which isn't started yet for the record ).
The JEE days were more like living in a dream world, when you just have hope and optimism, the only fear that u have is induced by the lame lectures by coaching faculties and when you hear about failures of other, rest u just imagine yourself in limelight clearing the exam with flying colors and on the seventh cloud. The preparation that time is also fluctuating, some day you will study a lot, some other day you will struggle to remain positive. There is a healthy competition and you use to take help from fellow competitors a lot. It's pretty much like being a rookie, a newbie , a new fish in the tank when you have no experience just enthusiasm and energy and there is nothing to make you go dull or bleak as you haven't face anything that will make you doubt your own abilities.
The CAT days are pretty much like a 39 year old Sachin, trying to prove that he still has the same potential enhanced with the experience now. But I personally feel that experience demotivates a lot than it helps. You start doubting on your own abilities as you have failed previously. Every new endeavor always begins with the thought that what if I failed. You become more practical and calculative in your life. You tend to decrease the entropy and follow a regular pattern. So life is all monotonous and inactive, you just keep on flowing with the flow. Your fellow competitors are more interested in what you are doing and how much you are preparing rather than your own preparation. Plus there are thousand other ways, with every way looking more lucrative and correct if you haven't chosen it.
Now the big question, what I am doing with my life ?? Seriously speaking, at this point of life; I have no idea what I am doing and what I should do. It's pretty much like living a lucid dream with the hope that one day you will wake and everything will be alright and moving in a proper and fix direction. I have second thoughts in almost everything of my life. At times I am too optimistic, at times I am devoid of any hope; At times I am full of energy, at times I have no zeal left; At times I am hopeful for something better and positive, at times I doubt everything in life; At times I have full faith on myself, at times I start doubting on my capabilities.
Let's see what turn life will take from here. I am hopeful and curious as I am no where near to the life what I thought I would have when I would be 20 yet I have no complain and only few regrets. The past few failures and experiences have made me mature enough so that I know what to expect and how much to expect and in social cases from whom to expect. I will try to be more regular and consistent in blogging and writing as it used to give me immense relief once. But after continuous criticism by others, I started doubting on my writing skills, I went to the mode of perfection when you think that once I have learned grammar and vocab enough I will start writing, but I think that time never comes, so I have stop thinking about getting to a perfect mode and then start writing. Perhaps if I had waited for the perfect mode back in 2010, I would never have a blog with 50+ posts. So for those who want to read my views and exchange theirs, they are most welcome. Those who want everything perfect and flawless, WHO CARES, it's not your place !!!!
Will catch you all later hopefully !!
So after few or better say after a lot of troubles and uncertainties I am finally back on track. Life is getting momentum again, it is pretty much like what it used to be in the early days of JEE preparation, but it's CAT now and in the span that elapsed between I can feel the difference what Sachin was indicating, the difference between a 19 year old and a 39 year old. Same difference I feel between my JEE preparation and CAT preparation ( which isn't started yet for the record ).
The JEE days were more like living in a dream world, when you just have hope and optimism, the only fear that u have is induced by the lame lectures by coaching faculties and when you hear about failures of other, rest u just imagine yourself in limelight clearing the exam with flying colors and on the seventh cloud. The preparation that time is also fluctuating, some day you will study a lot, some other day you will struggle to remain positive. There is a healthy competition and you use to take help from fellow competitors a lot. It's pretty much like being a rookie, a newbie , a new fish in the tank when you have no experience just enthusiasm and energy and there is nothing to make you go dull or bleak as you haven't face anything that will make you doubt your own abilities.
The CAT days are pretty much like a 39 year old Sachin, trying to prove that he still has the same potential enhanced with the experience now. But I personally feel that experience demotivates a lot than it helps. You start doubting on your own abilities as you have failed previously. Every new endeavor always begins with the thought that what if I failed. You become more practical and calculative in your life. You tend to decrease the entropy and follow a regular pattern. So life is all monotonous and inactive, you just keep on flowing with the flow. Your fellow competitors are more interested in what you are doing and how much you are preparing rather than your own preparation. Plus there are thousand other ways, with every way looking more lucrative and correct if you haven't chosen it.
Now the big question, what I am doing with my life ?? Seriously speaking, at this point of life; I have no idea what I am doing and what I should do. It's pretty much like living a lucid dream with the hope that one day you will wake and everything will be alright and moving in a proper and fix direction. I have second thoughts in almost everything of my life. At times I am too optimistic, at times I am devoid of any hope; At times I am full of energy, at times I have no zeal left; At times I am hopeful for something better and positive, at times I doubt everything in life; At times I have full faith on myself, at times I start doubting on my capabilities.
Let's see what turn life will take from here. I am hopeful and curious as I am no where near to the life what I thought I would have when I would be 20 yet I have no complain and only few regrets. The past few failures and experiences have made me mature enough so that I know what to expect and how much to expect and in social cases from whom to expect. I will try to be more regular and consistent in blogging and writing as it used to give me immense relief once. But after continuous criticism by others, I started doubting on my writing skills, I went to the mode of perfection when you think that once I have learned grammar and vocab enough I will start writing, but I think that time never comes, so I have stop thinking about getting to a perfect mode and then start writing. Perhaps if I had waited for the perfect mode back in 2010, I would never have a blog with 50+ posts. So for those who want to read my views and exchange theirs, they are most welcome. Those who want everything perfect and flawless, WHO CARES, it's not your place !!!!
Will catch you all later hopefully !!
