I know what you said behind my back....

जो कुंठित थे तुम मुझ से
पीठ पीछे बोल आये
भूल बैठे सामने मेरे दो कान
पीठ पीछे मेरे हजार कान

So what you thought.... you would yell all of your frustration on mine behind my back in someone else ear and I won’t get to know all this…. How can you trust any one else if you yourself are not able to hide your emotions … In front I have two ears but behind my back I have dozens ear with amplifying capacities also. So beware next time before speaking anything about me coz I know each and every thing you said behind my back........

Before you quit reading let me make it clear this is not a personal blog but a piece of advice to all, that there is no point in backstabbing. No one in this present practical world is that much trustable that they will confine your private talks to themselves only. A little communication gap and all the poison you blow would disclosed to the world in an amplified form.

Now let’s get to the root of this backstabbing thing. The genuine cause is the evergreen comparing of people on one’s own illogical criteria. All of us wish that other person must act as per us. We never respect any one’s difference. If we are introvert and other one is witty then he is peculiar and must talk less. Vice versa case is also applicable. We love to judge others and make particular prejudices. And this prejudice propagates and enters into real world through our frustration and acts like backstabbing.

One needs to understand that as there are no similar finger prints so how can two people have exact same characteristics. Each one has the right to act according to them and we are no one to compel them to act as per us. If some one is acting wrongly then what’s the point in yelling behind ones back. We are just putting thrones at the bridge of our relation with them by doing this. Perhaps our suggestion may help the person to rectify his faults and improve his personality. At least we would be on safe side, as if any one hears from some ones else mouth then surely he would misinterpret and your relationship would spoil. Try to limit the conversations between you and other one only and stop the trespassing of any third person. Be transparent in any relation else your character would loose transparency.

Feeling faithless.........

Just opened the new blog post tab and my copy of mid sem of English once again flashed in my mind proudly stamping me as one of the most weak student of English in the whole class. For the first time my hands are trembling before writing a blog post as I have lost a pretty good amount of my confidence and faith. It arises a question mark, to both my literally and creative skills because in the real world people judge you by marks. Marks are the sole criteria of judgment of one's intellectuality, wisdom, potential and skills. But I am now habitual to this situation. It's just a recap of my past flashing again and again. I remember my +2 board result of English. When people who even can't speak in hindi scored much higher than me.

I always object on the reliability of judging one on the criteria of some others limitation. Time is fixed so are the conditions and circumstances yet you want the horse of creativity to fly high with his Pegasus. How can some one roam freely with a tight knot in his neck. All we can do is flail helplessly for breathe in spite of having ample amount of air around us.

One my visualize at present me as a frustrated guy just crying through out his life and hiding his failure by giving futile and vague excuses and to some extent this is correct also. But then also I don't find any logic in this kind of marking system. Students must be judged on their overall performance through out the year and time to time their knowledge level should be checked instead of limiting it to just a 3 hour test. It has created a new category of students which now constitutes the majority.

The last night learners who do not even know what the syllabus is one day before. Do all sort of "JUGAAD" in between, rely on mobile and coffee to wake a night before the exam and some how cross the boundary line with a proud face and broad chest bragging " abe tu to rahne de .... maine bas ek raat pahle padha tha aur dekh itne le aaya jis din shuru se padhunga us din na jaane kya kar dunga". And unfortunately I belong to the same last night mugger category but some how getting off the track and screwing the paper badly at the spot for last 2 years. But before all the bookish positive people started boasting and preaching me knowledge of hard work and optimism I myself declare that I am in a committed relation with study from now onwards but don't know till when......

Don't know how to say .... Trauma of silent lover

जब निहारा था पहली बार तुम्हे
तब भी एक प्रश्न उठा था
अब भी निहारता हुँ जब तुम्हे
वही प्रश्न फ़िर उठता है
इकरार तो कर बैठे खामोशी से
अब इजहार कैसे करे
कभी एकटक देखता रह जाता हुँ
कभी भावनाओ मे बह जाता हुँ
कभी सब कह भी खामोश रह जाता हुँ
बस जो चाहु वो नहीं कह पात हुँ
होठ कपकपाते है, पग डगमगाते है
लाख रोको तो भी आँसू छलक आते है
मेरी खामोशी भी कभी सुनो
मेरी बेकरारी भी कभी चुनो
कितने ही कागज भर दिये
सभी बस व्यर्थ कर दिये
सोचता हु खुद कागज बन जाऊ
खामोशी कलम मेरी, सब लाल स्याही से भर जाउ

When will that tomorrow come .... ??

करा काम दिन भर
सोचा आराम करेगे कल
कल आया आज बन बैठा
बैठ न पाये बस हम

“We work hard for making a better tomorrow and when it comes we again started working thinking the same “

Received this thought provoking message few days back. It just made me to introspect and swim in the ocean of past again and there it was justified. All of us are running blindly in order to take rest some day but that day never comes. We all are earning to build an expensive bedroom, decorated with all type of expensive accessories, a beautiful bed inside it but what we don’t have is the time to sleep on that bed.

When I rewind my life a bit I realize that today was the tomorrow of past time which I used to think will bring peace and joy in my life. But I am still running on a bleak and lonely road with no final destination in lust of having peace and relief one day. Stopped playing outdoor games and online games thinking that I must concentrate on 10th class study then I will enjoy. When 10th class ended I started running for good marks in 12th board and in the hunt of a good college. Scored well in 12th but failed to find a position in good college so took drop thinking after this I’ll enjoy life. Suffered a lot of mental pressure during the drop year but a clear picture of enjoyable life keep on refueling and inspiring me.

Finally the period of ambiguity and uncertainty ceased and I landed in college. Since Infancy I have heard things about college. College has no study, no formalities and discipline. College is the coolest and funniest place where you just hang with friend. But all this day dreaming faded as soon I entered in the college. Nothing changed here except random dresses. I am finding myself here also entangled in the cobwebs of performing well, stay superior, running for the best etc. It doesn’t matter how unfit you are, how much mentally and physically exhaust you are, you have to run else others would leave you behind.

Now these thoughts are hovering me. Is the future also bleak and monotonous? I will fight for surviving in job, different accessories would tempt me, would run behind money to fulfill the desires of myself and my family. When would I rest then? I will keep on working for a better tomorrow and that tomorrow will change into present. It is a cage full of mirrors where we are running behind ourselves but can never catch our image. So I have decided to rest a little, take a proper breathe, avoid the temptation of remaining the topper all around, lets live an average life full of joy, enjoyment and do all the things which I always want to do and not those which I was supposed to do . Some times breaking the rules is also very adventurous and pleasant. So people get off the track, hang your boots for little time and rest on the green grass watching the sun set having blank mind.

An amazing encounter with a little kid ....

This is for the first time that I have put my hands on poetry on observation. The incidence took place nearly 8 years back when I was walking on a road day dreaming suddenly watched this kid, very bleak and gloomy being pushed by his mother to go to school. He was very dejected and reluctant and his mother was in a rush. His two missing teeth were further decorating his sadness and in the evening when he was returning from school he was in some other dimension. He was full of enthusiasm and euphoria and was gliding on the road. I really enjoyed the experience.

रास्ते से गुजर रहा था
ख्यालों में खोया हुआ
कुछ सपने बुन रहा था
जागते से सोया हुआ
तभी नजर उस पर आयी
दिखी वह मासूम परछाई
कदम धीमे, मुख उदास
कंधे झुके , चाल निराश
चेहरा लटका हुआ
कंठ अटका हुआ
मानो किसी स्याह रास्ते से
अनजान मंजिल जाता हुआ
मानो दुख के दरिया मे
कुंठित वह समाता हुआ
माँ उसे खींच रही थी
दोनो की मुठ्ठीया भींच रही थी
पर आक्रोश दोनो का भिन्न था
एक मजबुर दुसरा खिन्न था
अचानक उसने मुँह खोला
दो दाँत गायब थे
उसकी निराशा की याचना में
दोनो सहायक थे
माजरा देख मै काँप उठा
मेरा पुराना डर जाग उठा
मान मनुहार कर हम
राम घर में लाते है
अपरिपक्व राम परिपक्वता की आड़ मे
14 वर्ष वनवास पाते है
शिक्षा ज्ञान का मैदान नहीं
गुलामी की जंजीर है
जहाँ हर उन्मुक्त मन
बेड़ियो मे जकड़ जाता है
वापसी मे इत्तेफाक हुआ
वही नजारा पुन हुआ
इस बार बच्चा आगे
माँ पीछे थी
कदम तेज, मुख मस्त
कंधे तने, चाल चुस्त
चेहरा मुस्कुराता हुआ
कंठ गुनगुनाता हुआ
वही दो गायब दाँत
मुस्कान की शान बढा रहे थे
निराशा की याचना के बदले
प्रसन्नता के गीत गा रहे थे
मुझे देख वह हँस पड़ा
फ़िर वह आगे बढ़ चला
ताकता गया मै चकित खड़ा
वह आगे बढता चला
वह आगे बढता चला

Gandhi's soul must be crying today ...

I do not want to entangle in any argument with my past friends who know me as a very anti gandhi personality. Though I am ready to face the question " tum RSS wale gandhi ji ko kyu tribute de rahe ho" as some people has misconception that all anti gandhi people belong to RSS. I do not support any of gandhi ji's political decision but I admire him more as a social worker, philosopher and a man with a mission to serve and save mankind. His work to upgrade and reform backward people are remarkable. I will also mention a special tribute to one of my ideal Lal Bahadur Shastri whose neglect is ubiquitous on this day. Sometime I felt I have no right to object on such a big personality as I haven't yet taken a single step to serve this world sometime else I got carried away in emotions.

Two great persona of Indian history were born on the same day but we celebrate it more as a holiday. The primary source and initiator of PAAP the money now has symbol of gandhi ji,what can be more ironical thing? Our present politics is just contrast to what it was during gandhi ji's and shastri ji's era. That time politicians were server and building nation now they are just serving and building their self. I do not want to go into must depth. May be some day later I'll elaborate my contra views in a decent manner. A poem I had written back in 2007 can convey best my feelings.




.
क्या मिला उसको इतना त्याग कर
क्या मिला उसको तन मन न्योछावर कर
विकसित भारत की थी जिसको आस
आज वहीं हो रहा उसका परिहास

दिलाया जिसने खादी को सम्मान
अनुयायी उसी के कर रहे खादी का अपमान
नींव जिसने विश्वास की डाली
उसी के अनुयायीओ ने उसें खोखली कर डाली
रो रहा है गाँधी आज

भगवा और हरे के बीच
जो था शांति का सेतु
उसी के अनुयायी ने ही ढहाया
धर्म जात के नाम पर भाईयो को लड़ाया
रो रहा है गाँधी आज

कब बनेगा सपनो का भारत
कब आयेगा देश में अमन
कब मिलेगा सबको न्याय
कब बंद होगा धर्म जाति के नाम पर अन्याय
जब तक नहीं होगा इन बुराईयों का खात्मा
तब तक रोती रहेंगी वह आत्मा

WE ARE GOD !!.... BOW DOWN

पानी उबालना आता नहीं
चाय बनाने की बात करते है
जमीन से उगे नहीं
हवा में उड़ने की बात करते है
पंख अभी निकले नहीं
फडफड़ाने की बात करते है
दो कदम अभी चले नहीं
दुसरो को कुचलने की बात करते है


God is supposed to be perfect. But wait …. Is god the only one, not at all? There are plethoras of self proclaimed perfectionist who can make you dizzy in just one shot of them. I don’t know from where they bring that much confidence that without any shyness then can self praise themselves for hours and on any topic. They just show off like they are equipped with each and every talent present in this world and they can do it with such preciseness that you wouldn’t be able to find any fault in it.

Ironically these self proclaimed superior people fall right on their nose many times but they will market this downfall also as an achievement. They can praise themselves continuously without eating and sleeping because this is their only talent and they fully utilize it. Somehow if you are able to endure their ‘atyachaar’ then also they won’t quit. Their most effective weapon will thrash you into pieces.

“ abe tere ko ye nahi aata , ye to bahut simple hai “ …. “ sale ye nahi kar paya tu … doob mar “ … “ abe ye to bahut easy tha ye nahi hua tere se “ .. yes people I am talking about their perfection and the habit to find faults in other as we say in Hindi “ kide karne ki aadat “ . Despite the fact that this class of people had neither achieved anything nor have they proved themselves yet they will keep on poking their nose in others matter and try to mold others as per their criteria. Many a times there noses are cut but they continue their daring.

Now important question arise. How to deal with these kinds of people? As they are part of society and not in minority we have to face them. Ignoring them is not a solution. So far what I use to do and found very affective is to be in rhythm with them when they self praise. This kind of light taunts may make them feel guilty and they would try to refrain from their natural instinct for some time . Statements like “ aap to mahan hai” ,” hum to aapke pairo ki dhul hai “ , “ arey jab aapne kaam kiya hai to galat kaise ho sakta hai “ , “ aap se behas ki gustakhi hum kaise kar sakte hai “ are very effective tools so do try it else these self proclaimed gods will crush you by their ‘chamatkars’ daily.