There was a time in childhood when we can’t wait to grow up.
We wanted to quickly transcend to a time when we don’t have to take permission
from our parents anymore. Where we can stay up as long as we want, stay out of
the home and come at any time we want. Little did we know that time that
growing up is not as much fun as it appeared that time. Being independent doesn’t
give us as much freedom as we thought we would have. It took us years to
realize that there is no better place on this planet than our home.
One of the worst fear of our childhood was to get separated from
our parents. In every crowded place, we used to hold our parents finger tight
just to ensure that they are with us. If our mom or dad was late in coming
home, we used to open the door, stay outside till they come. In the era where
mobile weren’t that common, there was no way to ensure our parents are safe
when they are outside. We used to sympathize with children studying in boarding
schools and used to wonder how they can survive without their parents.
At the same time our parents were our ultimate protector.
They always had an eye on us whether we were playing video game inside or
cricket outside. They always gave us instruction about staying away from
strangers and their worst fear was also to get separated from their children.
But destiny find its own way to separate parents from their children.
Most of us were unrooted from their hometown either after X
or after XII, at the age when we used to watch Hollywood serials where kids
were having dating problem or wondering what hobbies to pursue, we were getting
prepared for our career. In India, all of us have one foot always in future and
we are forced to stay alone in a time when we need our family support most.
Leaving home for the first time is the toughest. You have no
idea how would you survive. From picking up groceries to having decent food,
from travelling alone to sleeping in night alone. There are so many worries. We
all have seen our mother crying while leaving us while our father holding his
tear and supporting the mother, our elder siblings supporting us while our
younger siblings just wondering why are we leaving them. We all have packed our
‘laddus’, dry fruits and god’s statues and went alone on a never ending journey
and we are still riding. We have become solitary riders in a perpetual tunnel
with the hope of finding light at the end of it.
We thought it would be fine one day, but guess what, leaving
home is painful every time. No matter how many time you do, there is always a
sharp tinge of pain you can feel in your heart when you pack your bag and say
good bye. With time you just become a guest in your own home. You are taken
care of, you are well fed, your relatives come to see you, and you just face
only 3 questions most of the time.
When did you come?
What’s going in life?
When are you leaving?
You have well mugged and well-practiced answer for all of
them and you don’t disappoint any. There is hardly any time to revisit all the
places and all the memories. You prioritize and to rest you say that there will
be a next time. Your visits become less frequent and span for lesser time as
you grow up. You become less involved in family matters, in fact you are
clueless about most event happening in your relative’s life and in your
locality.
From the timid student who has kept money at three places,
his mobile fully charged and wary eyes about possible threat we have grown into
careless travellers who plan visits in last time, arrange tickets somehow and
reaches home with lots of adventure. Time has made us realize to value things
that we never cared earlier. We crave for our parents company and we become
desperate to have a breathe in our home town. We find peace here, we introspect
our life on our roof watching the stars and think about how far we have come
and how much else is left to go. We have become responsible, we take care of
our parents, and we are mature enough to bring something for our closed once
not because the gift is valued but the gesture is.
Most of us has spent countless nights alone struggling to
make a meaning out of life. We have stayed up to study and stayed up for our
jobs. We have obediently followed the routine of calling our mother and telling
her that we have eaten and we would drink water and keep the door closed and
stay out of trouble. We have lied to our father that we are studying well and
doing well in life. We have struggled to keep our promise but we have continued
to struggle somehow.
There are weak moments when we ponder over whether it was
worth it or not, whether staying away from family, learning to eat inedible
food, surviving on insufficient money and without any moral support was worth
it or not. Perhaps one day everything will come together and everything will
make sense. Till then the only thing that keep us going is the proud feeling
with which our parents live that their children are away from home to make a
future, to make a career. They took pride in telling others what their children
has achieved while staying away from home. May be all this struggle is worth it
for the peaceful sleep we bring to our parents that the future is bright and
there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Till then, we will continue to leave home, it will be
painful, we will bear it, and a part of our heart will be here always, till
next time when we would have tea again with our family in our home laughing together!!
J
