What difference a year can make to a person’s life?
If someone has asked me this question last year, I would
have replied either not much or something very vague and uncertain but the kind
of roller coaster year I had, I would say today that a year can turn your life
upside down. It can change not only your current position, but your
perspective, your attitude and the way you look at life in general.
The night of 31st December, 2014 is still very
clear in my memories. It was one of the darkest phase of my life. Perhaps, I
have reached rock bottom in almost everything. I was stuck in a job that I
hated and which made me feel miserable daily, I failed to get respectable
scores in CAT or IIFT exam, my escape route towards a higher world, my
redemption from my previous sins. The light at the end of the tunnel was fading
very sharply and I was falling into sheer stark darkness at an uncontrolled
pace.
Every year, at the onset of New Year, I used to ponder over
the failures in the previous year and I used to start the coming year with the
hope that this year will be good, this year will be the comeback year, this
year will compensate for all the early years but it never happened. On the
night of 31st December, 2014 I have given hope completely. I was
just tired that day. Tired of being optimistic, tired of preaching positivity
and hope to the world when my own life was just inducing sympathy from
everywhere. I was crowned with the well-deserved titled of a ‘choker’, the guy
with the potential who never succeeded because of bad luck or situation beyond
control. I was exhausted and future looked bleak to me, I was not even remotely
excited about the possibility of something good.
I had my last b school entrance exam, XAT 4 days later and I
was not even sure whether I would be appearing in it or not. I was suffering
through a hand infection and going through severe pain because of swelling.
Unable to study and also unable to write, I was wondering whether all these
late night studies when the world is partying is worth it or not. Year after
year, sacrificing so much just to chase dreams which are always uncertain to
conquer and indomitable at times because of situations. I was sure that if I went
to a doctor he would do a surgery and I would miss the examination.
The only important decision to make was to whether appear in
the examination or not with a swelling hand and 2 back to back failures within 2
weeks. All the Dragonball Z fans might recall that Vegeta achieved the stage of
super saiyan when he has given hope completely, when he stopped caring about
Goku being a super saiyan or being better than Goku. On the night of 31st
December 2014, I stopped caring about being successful or better than anyone. I
stopped caring about going into a good b school or to get a better position in
society or to be happy and satisfied. I stopped caring about everything. I was
done with torturing my body and destroying my peace just for the sake of
running into an endless race where the winner is burdened with maintain the
success rather than celebrating it.
I decided to appear in the examination without any hope or
expectation, but for the sake of testing my intensity of desire. I decided to
appear for the sake of desperation and not for the sake of dream. On the night
of 31st December 2014, I decided not to do anything just to prove to
the society or for the sake of revenge. I stayed up 2 nights, learnt to write
with my left hand so that I can appear in the examination. I took multiple pain
killers on the examination day, attempt everything with my left hand as much as
I could, except the essay part where I decided to switch hand because of bad
handwriting. 10 minutes of excruciating pain and I was done. I was relieved, I
went straight to hospital and had a surgery.
As they say, god tests you to the extreme and then grant you
your wishes, I cleared XAT 2015 (I still think it was because of my desperation
to clear it), and later converted SP Jain and XLRI Jamshedpur. 1 year down the
lane, all these looks like a fairy tale. A dream from which I don’t want to
wake up. I am living my dream and I have come to it from rock bottom, all in 1
year. 1 year changed my life completely, every 31st I used to make
resolution on how to aim high, how to achieve targets, how to stay at top but
today, 31st December 2015, I just look forward to wish people a
happy new year and sleep peacefully.
I have not written this article to tell my filmy story with
happy ending, but to tell all those who have a bad year that a year can change
everything. You might have failed this year, a year before or may have
successive failures in many previous years, but you never know what this year
will bring to you. Believe in your destiny, believe in god’s plan for you, do
not compete but improve yourself, do not torture yourself but take care of
yourself, don’t panic and don’t get negative, embrace 2016 with full positivity
because success may be hiding in disguise waiting for you to identify it.
A very happy new year everyone. May this year make you
realize all your dreams. J
