After the end of my YAGYOPAVIT, I realized that my eyes were still giving lots of trouble to me. I wasn't able to concentrate much on studies both in school and coaching. So I quit study for that time as each time I gazed any book it scared me. Not even a single word was clearly visible. Soon we planned to go to INDORE for a check up. But I don't know what happened but circumstances never allowed us to visit there. With the end of school I was relieved a bit but our coaching teacher announced a new problem. He wanted to take a test to shuffle batches in accordance with student's potential. As I had done only scattered preparation and some how was struggling hence, I was very unfit and unwilling for the test. Then also I changed my direction of study and started focusing on the test to try my level best. I revised same thing again and again and it had a very bad effect on my further preparation. I screwed the test and was thrown in a batch which was not supposed to qualify in IIT.
Meanwhile gradually some changes were happening in my eye. I came to know about it in early MAY that now I was able to see more clearly. I was using some YOGA and ayurvedic techniques for the rectification of my eye sight. Filling your mouth completely with water and then wash your eyes slowly. I used to repeat it six times a day and by some miracle my eye sight came back to normal mode at the end of MAY. But the hectic coaching schedule was still a big hurdle for my self study. Meanwhile I came in contact with BITS360 forum. There I read lots of articles about engineering, scope of various branches, comparison of BITS to IITs and many other such stuff. It influenced and revolutionized my perspective and finally I decided to quit coaching forever and rely completely on self study. Now that was something unexpected and very risky. As I was the only person in the whole city which had decided not to join any coaching for 12th standard, at least I can claim this for my school. Nevertheless I started preparing on my own.
Meanwhile I was learning a lot from bits360 site that a college didn't matter that much as your own capabilities do. Finally I quit the decision of running blindly behind IITs and started to gain knowledge as much as I can. I had also started participating in the stuff going on their with ID self_study and initiated threads like
http://www.bits360.com/forum/engineer-on-each-street-t3110.html
http://www.bits360.com/forum/an-aspirant-observation-t3106-10.html
I had become a fierce coaching critic that time. To some extent it was their mistake as they failed to provide a proper and enthusiastic environment for learning but honestly speaking I was putting all my faults on them. Also I was struggling to complete my computer syllabus. I was unable to understand about programming and c++ functions and all such. Even I was not knowing the basics. I tried my level best with some upper power to change my subject but our principle didn't consent. That time I realized that it's very painful and troublesome if you are forced to study what you don't wish to.
When in free time I used to dream a lot. Dreaming myself as IITJEE or BITSAT topper. The first student which dared to do preparation on his own and succeeded. I thought about making blogs about my success and guiding other aspirants how you can also do it. I dreamed to bring a new revolution in competitive stage.Teen age is very delicate age where you live most in dream then in real life. You visualize yourself as some one very powerful and successful and I was not an exception. In fact I was on the extreme stage of it where I used to do nothing just dreaming,dreaming and dreaming.
I kept on repeating the same mistakes again and again which I had already done in 11th standard. I made a big time table for completing this thing in that time. Started very well and read the early chapters already done 10 times again and again and then collapsed then restarted with the same procedure. It was just like a roller in which I was rolling. Despite doing much handwork but got back to initial point again and again
Before the schools were about to start I faced the biggest trauma of my life and my confidence was completely broken and scattered. Some personal problems kept me depressed and in a very bleak situation for a long time. With the starting of my school some how I recovered and started preparation again but now with a much different and better approach. Even then due to lack of consistency and punctuality, nothing fruitful came for me. But some how I was able to ran in the race.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
YAGYOPAVIT SANSKAR : modernization of a tradition
YAGYOPAVIT SANSKAR OR JANEU SANSKAR is a tradition in Hindu community which marks the onset of student life of a boy. Although it is a ritual but it has many scientific benefits. Back in the old ages when there were no schools in each cities, GURUKULS were the only source of education. But these gurukuls were not available in all the cities. Hence those fellows which want to attain some further education had to migrate from their home town to a city where the gurukul existed .So before they were sent, some rituals were performed in which he vowed to follow some specific rules. Then during his student life he was sent daily to pick some foods from the villagers for the gurukul. When his education was completed , his MAMA (mom's brother) was sent to pick him and he returned to his own city to utilize his knowledge.
Since my childhood I have visited many a times in some ones YAGYOPAVIT and it always fascinated me especially the running of the boy and how the MAMA struggles to catch him. Besides there were many other actions performed during YAGYOPAVIT which seemed quite interesting. During the end of my 11th class I came to know that my mom and dad are secretly planning for this. Since I am miser, I was highly reluctant for it as an waste of 2 to 2.5 lakh was obvious. There was a chapter in my old hindi text book " khane aur khilane ka rashtriya shauk". In which the author explains how Indians are always seeking the occasions of either eating or to make others eat. This parties are also a way of bragging about our social status but in mom's words if we have eaten from others then it is our moral duty to give a party once. My rebellion was crushed by the arrows of emotions.
The shubha muhurtha was on 17th april. All of my family members had started huge shopping. Expensive clothes and other stuff. Many caterers were also contacting us but we didn't accepted any of theirs offer and recruited the best 'halwai' of the city. It was annoying to see that all were just busy doing shopping or arrangements and paying no attention to me ' the center of attraction'. Anyways that frustrating question by every relative or guest was rising my temper" tumhe chashma lag gaya " . I don't understand this why we ask such futile question. If I am wearing glasses then it is obvious . If some one is eating we ask " khana kha rahe ho "... if some one is sleeping we awake him and ask " so rahe the kya " ... if we met some one outside we ask " kahi bahar ja rahe ho kya ". At that time I was comfortable with my glasses as it was giving me a smart look. My face had adjusted it but my eyes were still suffering.
Now it was the time to polish the face so that it twinkles a lot on the stage. The man which bath with gaps of at least 5 days was now forced to bath daily, wash face 5 times and use some queer beuaty cream at the night. A week before gold facial was done on my face. That time I realized why all the girls are very fond of beauty parlors and facials. In short I can define now-a-days yagyopavit sanskar as a marriage in which their is no wife is coming. As all the other actions performed are similar.
On 13th April, 'Haldi Rasm' was performed and all the women of society covered body with turmeric. Then the barber of our caste with his other beauty equipments washed me and I was given a knife.For each day till the main function I had to wash my body before applying 'ubtan'. It is a believed that after having turmeric on your body you become more prone to ghosts and spirits. Next day, it was 'mehndi' time and I was feeling very feminine being surrounded by women and having turmeric and mehndi on me. Any ways my hands got a very dark and bright color so all were teasing me by saying you will got a very beautiful wife. Some minute rituals were performed on 15th.
On 16th, the day started with 'GANESHA POOJAN', as GANESHA is invited on every holy occasions first. GANESHA's statues are made from flour and other cereals and some mantras are enchanted. After it 'MATA POOJAN' is performed in which we invite our KULA DEVI to take care of the occasion.Early on the day 17th the 'pitrus' or the old members which are dead are invited to give their blessings and be a part of their family functions. Then 'MANDAP' is performed in which the 'JAMAIs' of the family are gifted a 'JANEU', later they made a 'MANDAP' in which I was given a 'JANEU'. Some mantras are enchanted after that I reached our gurukul , their the guru ji give me a secret guru mantra and some vows ...
1) wake up before the sun rise
2) sleep before 10
3) JANEU has to be adjusted during toilet and some other process
4) remain away from PAN,tobacco and liquor
GURU ji whispered in my ear " son, you are even not authorized to talk with girls " . I replied " guru ji, don't worry but can I chat with them on internet". The event of 'BHIKSHA' for the gurukil is followed in which the women of society give cereals and money for running the gurukul. After this event my cousins asked me that how much money have I stolen. I replied " salo, batana tha na churane ki bhi rakhi thi 1000rs to uda hi leta, ab to sab guruji le gaye". Then my favorite step, in which I had to run and my MAMA had to catch me. It was a very small street. And all the cousins or I should say traitors had formed a very good CHAKRYAVYEUHA so that I can't skip. Yet I tried my best but was caught after 10 seconds. One of my cousin played double game and helped me to get free. Then I entered into a tempo and lots of people were following me. After going round and round 3/4 times around that tempo I ran with my full caliber but was caught after few steps by the people coming from the front side. I disappointed others. Anyways My mama lifted me on his shoulder and took me back despite that I was very healthy and he was a single 'pasli' person. Then gifts and clothes were given by the members of our castes and acquaintances. After having a very tasty lunch it was time to rest.
I woke up at 5pm and we had to get ready to sit on the stage. It was the time to be groomed with lots of make up,accessories and my face was really shining. On the stage I was having a feeling of being special as all eyes were on me. The party started. Lots of masti, dhum dhadaka, naach gana. I have to touch the feet of every person coming on stage and it really had broken my back. It had begun to pain. It was a nice experience to see all the peoples eating,talking and enjoying from the stage. I was repenting that I forgot to call some of my friends and those I called didn't come as they thought I was joking. After having a lots of photograph I came down from stage at 12am. Now it was time to have dinner. Lots of items "kashmiri dosa,dahi bada, rajbhog, kaju katli, aam pana ,sri khand,variety of vegetables , tandoori roti" and many more. At 3am we left the garden and then I realized why the film starts rely on liquor after their downfall. The shine of stage is so addicting, that you don't want to go back again in dark.But I am happy I'll enjoy all this perks again in my marriage. Incredible India, Incredible culture.....
Since my childhood I have visited many a times in some ones YAGYOPAVIT and it always fascinated me especially the running of the boy and how the MAMA struggles to catch him. Besides there were many other actions performed during YAGYOPAVIT which seemed quite interesting. During the end of my 11th class I came to know that my mom and dad are secretly planning for this. Since I am miser, I was highly reluctant for it as an waste of 2 to 2.5 lakh was obvious. There was a chapter in my old hindi text book " khane aur khilane ka rashtriya shauk". In which the author explains how Indians are always seeking the occasions of either eating or to make others eat. This parties are also a way of bragging about our social status but in mom's words if we have eaten from others then it is our moral duty to give a party once. My rebellion was crushed by the arrows of emotions.
The shubha muhurtha was on 17th april. All of my family members had started huge shopping. Expensive clothes and other stuff. Many caterers were also contacting us but we didn't accepted any of theirs offer and recruited the best 'halwai' of the city. It was annoying to see that all were just busy doing shopping or arrangements and paying no attention to me ' the center of attraction'. Anyways that frustrating question by every relative or guest was rising my temper" tumhe chashma lag gaya " . I don't understand this why we ask such futile question. If I am wearing glasses then it is obvious . If some one is eating we ask " khana kha rahe ho "... if some one is sleeping we awake him and ask " so rahe the kya " ... if we met some one outside we ask " kahi bahar ja rahe ho kya ". At that time I was comfortable with my glasses as it was giving me a smart look. My face had adjusted it but my eyes were still suffering.
Now it was the time to polish the face so that it twinkles a lot on the stage. The man which bath with gaps of at least 5 days was now forced to bath daily, wash face 5 times and use some queer beuaty cream at the night. A week before gold facial was done on my face. That time I realized why all the girls are very fond of beauty parlors and facials. In short I can define now-a-days yagyopavit sanskar as a marriage in which their is no wife is coming. As all the other actions performed are similar.
On 13th April, 'Haldi Rasm' was performed and all the women of society covered body with turmeric. Then the barber of our caste with his other beauty equipments washed me and I was given a knife.For each day till the main function I had to wash my body before applying 'ubtan'. It is a believed that after having turmeric on your body you become more prone to ghosts and spirits. Next day, it was 'mehndi' time and I was feeling very feminine being surrounded by women and having turmeric and mehndi on me. Any ways my hands got a very dark and bright color so all were teasing me by saying you will got a very beautiful wife. Some minute rituals were performed on 15th.
On 16th, the day started with 'GANESHA POOJAN', as GANESHA is invited on every holy occasions first. GANESHA's statues are made from flour and other cereals and some mantras are enchanted. After it 'MATA POOJAN' is performed in which we invite our KULA DEVI to take care of the occasion.Early on the day 17th the 'pitrus' or the old members which are dead are invited to give their blessings and be a part of their family functions. Then 'MANDAP' is performed in which the 'JAMAIs' of the family are gifted a 'JANEU', later they made a 'MANDAP' in which I was given a 'JANEU'. Some mantras are enchanted after that I reached our gurukul , their the guru ji give me a secret guru mantra and some vows ...
1) wake up before the sun rise
2) sleep before 10
3) JANEU has to be adjusted during toilet and some other process
4) remain away from PAN,tobacco and liquor
GURU ji whispered in my ear " son, you are even not authorized to talk with girls " . I replied " guru ji, don't worry but can I chat with them on internet". The event of 'BHIKSHA' for the gurukil is followed in which the women of society give cereals and money for running the gurukul. After this event my cousins asked me that how much money have I stolen. I replied " salo, batana tha na churane ki bhi rakhi thi 1000rs to uda hi leta, ab to sab guruji le gaye". Then my favorite step, in which I had to run and my MAMA had to catch me. It was a very small street. And all the cousins or I should say traitors had formed a very good CHAKRYAVYEUHA so that I can't skip. Yet I tried my best but was caught after 10 seconds. One of my cousin played double game and helped me to get free. Then I entered into a tempo and lots of people were following me. After going round and round 3/4 times around that tempo I ran with my full caliber but was caught after few steps by the people coming from the front side. I disappointed others. Anyways My mama lifted me on his shoulder and took me back despite that I was very healthy and he was a single 'pasli' person. Then gifts and clothes were given by the members of our castes and acquaintances. After having a very tasty lunch it was time to rest.
I woke up at 5pm and we had to get ready to sit on the stage. It was the time to be groomed with lots of make up,accessories and my face was really shining. On the stage I was having a feeling of being special as all eyes were on me. The party started. Lots of masti, dhum dhadaka, naach gana. I have to touch the feet of every person coming on stage and it really had broken my back. It had begun to pain. It was a nice experience to see all the peoples eating,talking and enjoying from the stage. I was repenting that I forgot to call some of my friends and those I called didn't come as they thought I was joking. After having a lots of photograph I came down from stage at 12am. Now it was time to have dinner. Lots of items "kashmiri dosa,dahi bada, rajbhog, kaju katli, aam pana ,sri khand,variety of vegetables , tandoori roti" and many more. At 3am we left the garden and then I realized why the film starts rely on liquor after their downfall. The shine of stage is so addicting, that you don't want to go back again in dark.But I am happy I'll enjoy all this perks again in my marriage. Incredible India, Incredible culture.....
Monday, July 12, 2010
The cruel claws of destiny.....
"Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him."
These words of Henry Miller seems perfect to me today but 3 years back I would have vehemently argued and not accepted it at any cost. At that time I was in such confidence that if some Jyotishi told me that you don't have the line of doing these then I will have surely made it by a knife. That was an era of extreme overconfidence. As I have mentioned in previous blog that after the end of 11th standard I have made various plan. I will study 15 hours daily, will do this in this much time , will complete the syllabus and blab blab other things. It was 20th march when the final practical exam was finished and we were free for 10 days. So as usual in control of my procrastination I decided to take a few days rest. It was 23rd march when I woke up at 7 am and was reading the newspaper when I realized that the letters are very blur and I am not able to read without focusing and stressing much on my eyes. A blur zig zag figure was flashing alternatively. As I have already gone through this experience various time so I didn't pay much heed to this and stop reading news paper thinking that it might be temporary.
This problem persisted through out the day but. It was nothing strange but after 3 days when I was in a hair saloon I realized that I am not able to visualize even the image of barber in the mirror at 2 feet. Now i was worried and I told this to my mom and dad. Dad guessed it may be conjunctivitis so We decided to give some rest to eyes and as all Indians do , not to take any immediate action or going to doctor. It was 29th march when I was not able to read any single letter of news paper. I told dad we need to go to a doctor.
This was my first encounter with an eye specialist. I was scared. It just revived my old fear that I will not be able to see again clearly or with glasses no girl will marry me.That damn long check up started . They poured some liquid in my eyes and told me that I'll not be able to see clearly through out the day then those scary check up lots of machines and digital images, and finally the doctor told me you have far-sightedness and asked to form glasses with +.25 in the left.
I was happy. Finally I'll be able to see and read again. When the glasses were ready and I wore them still the same problem was there. I asked my sis, she replied the lens takes some time to adjust. But nothing happened. We went to that doctor again . That rude, arrogant old lady started scolding us and told that she is perfect in her profession and she couldn't do any mistake and if u have any query then pay the fees and she will check again.
Dad said that if we have to pay the fees again then we must consult a better doctor. And we reached clinic of the best doctor. Same procedure was there but I was baffled and horrified when he gave me the same number of glasses. I said in shuddering voice "but doc that lady have also given me the same number". Doctor said then I have to analyze you throughly. He also put some liquid in my eyes and told me that I would not be able to see clearly for a day. When I was sitting with eyes closed . I said " dad , future looks completely bleak to me ". Dad replied " Son , I know you don't trust in god but this time for me pray with full faith" . I done the same and was hoping for some thing better. The doctor gave me new number of minus sign in one eye and plus in other :D and said I was trying to focus much and thus was able to read that chart and number was coming wrong. Meanwhile the school had started and now I was a source of attraction with lots of people asking " abe kandil kab laga chashma " , " sale 10 din mein itna padh liya ki battery ho gaya "," oye char aakh wale is baar to tu phodega matlab". I wished to kick on their ass and told them " salo yaha par pahle himeri thuk rahi hai,kuch bhi nahi deekh raha aur tum ko majak sujha raha hai " .
When some one really needs moral support what we often do is to pull his leg and further discourage him . Any how I was struggling to write in copies and to visualize the black board. Meanwhile due to some strange enthusiasm I had again joined my coaching. The timing were 12pm to 7:30 and in my friends words " beth beth kar peechwada suj gaya .. jeans phas gayi . Their used to be around 400 students in a single room and we all used to sit in such an alignment that we can't even itch our own leg. Dhakka mukki was obvious and the fellow which used to sit at the end of the row falls minimum 5 times during lecture . But there was one advantage also of this position. That time we used to throw chalk at each other. I with some of my gang used to come up half hour early , then we stole some chalks and used to throw it on other guys while the lectures were delivered. I had practiced that much that I could hit on the head or butt of a person standing 10 meters away. The fellow sitting at that place might feels safe and the others don't risk to throw there thinking " kabhi ladkiyo ko lag gaya to izzat ka kachra ho jata hai ". Gals can endure any pain while in beauty parlor,those painful threading and waxing ... but even if a light chalk or something else by mistake touched them then wahi ganga jamuna bahna chalu ho jate hai . Some daringbaaj people even take this risk and hit those fellows also. Some times chalk reached the teacher but they always ignored it as they have done the same thing in their childhood.The head of our institute was one of the most dumbest person I have ever met. He may be very knowledgeable but his arrogance has eaten his wisdom. He separated from his brother who took the charge of Indore center while he was left with ujjain with poor faculties. He used to take a 6 hour lecture in which half the time he used to tell us how great he was, one hour he criticized and bully other contemporary coachings , 1 hour while talking on cell, rest 1 hour wo kabhi kabhi kuch padha leta tha " .Meanwhile marpit , chalk mara mari , gossips , abusing sab chalte rahte the . Some artistic students use this time to make obscene figures on benches.
I with my dim lighted eye was some how struggling. When the new glasses were ready I was having the same problem, I was not able to see clearly with them also. Immediately we went their where his assistant said that wait for 8 days and then we will seek for some other measures.
I was exhausted and mentally broken, for the first time in my life I was feeling helpless as I was suffering from such a problem in which none of the measures were working.I was travelling in a dark bleak perpetual tunnel devoid of any hope or enthusiasm. I completely left my studies, started ignoring even the newspapers and other magazines. Even those letters which flashed at the end of news channels were enough to horrify me. I was completely entangled in fear and obsession . Meanwhile my dad organize my YAGYOPAVIT SANSKAR. I will write about it in the next post.Sorry for such a lengthy post it seems i just got carried away .
These words of Henry Miller seems perfect to me today but 3 years back I would have vehemently argued and not accepted it at any cost. At that time I was in such confidence that if some Jyotishi told me that you don't have the line of doing these then I will have surely made it by a knife. That was an era of extreme overconfidence. As I have mentioned in previous blog that after the end of 11th standard I have made various plan. I will study 15 hours daily, will do this in this much time , will complete the syllabus and blab blab other things. It was 20th march when the final practical exam was finished and we were free for 10 days. So as usual in control of my procrastination I decided to take a few days rest. It was 23rd march when I woke up at 7 am and was reading the newspaper when I realized that the letters are very blur and I am not able to read without focusing and stressing much on my eyes. A blur zig zag figure was flashing alternatively. As I have already gone through this experience various time so I didn't pay much heed to this and stop reading news paper thinking that it might be temporary.
This problem persisted through out the day but. It was nothing strange but after 3 days when I was in a hair saloon I realized that I am not able to visualize even the image of barber in the mirror at 2 feet. Now i was worried and I told this to my mom and dad. Dad guessed it may be conjunctivitis so We decided to give some rest to eyes and as all Indians do , not to take any immediate action or going to doctor. It was 29th march when I was not able to read any single letter of news paper. I told dad we need to go to a doctor.
This was my first encounter with an eye specialist. I was scared. It just revived my old fear that I will not be able to see again clearly or with glasses no girl will marry me.That damn long check up started . They poured some liquid in my eyes and told me that I'll not be able to see clearly through out the day then those scary check up lots of machines and digital images, and finally the doctor told me you have far-sightedness and asked to form glasses with +.25 in the left.
I was happy. Finally I'll be able to see and read again. When the glasses were ready and I wore them still the same problem was there. I asked my sis, she replied the lens takes some time to adjust. But nothing happened. We went to that doctor again . That rude, arrogant old lady started scolding us and told that she is perfect in her profession and she couldn't do any mistake and if u have any query then pay the fees and she will check again.
Dad said that if we have to pay the fees again then we must consult a better doctor. And we reached clinic of the best doctor. Same procedure was there but I was baffled and horrified when he gave me the same number of glasses. I said in shuddering voice "but doc that lady have also given me the same number". Doctor said then I have to analyze you throughly. He also put some liquid in my eyes and told me that I would not be able to see clearly for a day. When I was sitting with eyes closed . I said " dad , future looks completely bleak to me ". Dad replied " Son , I know you don't trust in god but this time for me pray with full faith" . I done the same and was hoping for some thing better. The doctor gave me new number of minus sign in one eye and plus in other :D and said I was trying to focus much and thus was able to read that chart and number was coming wrong. Meanwhile the school had started and now I was a source of attraction with lots of people asking " abe kandil kab laga chashma " , " sale 10 din mein itna padh liya ki battery ho gaya "," oye char aakh wale is baar to tu phodega matlab". I wished to kick on their ass and told them " salo yaha par pahle himeri thuk rahi hai,kuch bhi nahi deekh raha aur tum ko majak sujha raha hai " .
When some one really needs moral support what we often do is to pull his leg and further discourage him . Any how I was struggling to write in copies and to visualize the black board. Meanwhile due to some strange enthusiasm I had again joined my coaching. The timing were 12pm to 7:30 and in my friends words " beth beth kar peechwada suj gaya .. jeans phas gayi . Their used to be around 400 students in a single room and we all used to sit in such an alignment that we can't even itch our own leg. Dhakka mukki was obvious and the fellow which used to sit at the end of the row falls minimum 5 times during lecture . But there was one advantage also of this position. That time we used to throw chalk at each other. I with some of my gang used to come up half hour early , then we stole some chalks and used to throw it on other guys while the lectures were delivered. I had practiced that much that I could hit on the head or butt of a person standing 10 meters away. The fellow sitting at that place might feels safe and the others don't risk to throw there thinking " kabhi ladkiyo ko lag gaya to izzat ka kachra ho jata hai ". Gals can endure any pain while in beauty parlor,those painful threading and waxing ... but even if a light chalk or something else by mistake touched them then wahi ganga jamuna bahna chalu ho jate hai . Some daringbaaj people even take this risk and hit those fellows also. Some times chalk reached the teacher but they always ignored it as they have done the same thing in their childhood.The head of our institute was one of the most dumbest person I have ever met. He may be very knowledgeable but his arrogance has eaten his wisdom. He separated from his brother who took the charge of Indore center while he was left with ujjain with poor faculties. He used to take a 6 hour lecture in which half the time he used to tell us how great he was, one hour he criticized and bully other contemporary coachings , 1 hour while talking on cell, rest 1 hour wo kabhi kabhi kuch padha leta tha " .Meanwhile marpit , chalk mara mari , gossips , abusing sab chalte rahte the . Some artistic students use this time to make obscene figures on benches.
I with my dim lighted eye was some how struggling. When the new glasses were ready I was having the same problem, I was not able to see clearly with them also. Immediately we went their where his assistant said that wait for 8 days and then we will seek for some other measures.
I was exhausted and mentally broken, for the first time in my life I was feeling helpless as I was suffering from such a problem in which none of the measures were working.I was travelling in a dark bleak perpetual tunnel devoid of any hope or enthusiasm. I completely left my studies, started ignoring even the newspapers and other magazines. Even those letters which flashed at the end of news channels were enough to horrify me. I was completely entangled in fear and obsession . Meanwhile my dad organize my YAGYOPAVIT SANSKAR. I will write about it in the next post.Sorry for such a lengthy post it seems i just got carried away .
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Indian Sports .... need some reservation in globe
"पढोगे लिखोगे बनोगे नवाब
खेलोगे कूदोगे बनोगे खराब"
An old quotation in India describing the futile character of sports in comparison to study.All of us grown up by hearing the same thing. If we played more than two hours then at home there was an obvious " DE DANA DAN ". Sports are just visualized as a way of escape from study .Neither the teachers nor the parents ever bothered to scrutinize its positive effects and vital importance in every day life. Whenever watching any foreign television serial I find lots of character in them having sports as their aim .Movies like " high school musical" or "jump in" clearly reflects a much prominent sports culture in foreign .But in India how much children really think like this . For a while this kind of life may sounds very enjoyable and interesting but no one have that much gut to opt it forever.
We can't blame just the parents mentality for such poor sports culture in India .It seems funny how much round and round you go in any problem the ultimate culprit always comes out to be our government and politician .We are bragging for this time 3 olympic medals and not watching how our neighbor have developed its sport culture since its arrival in sports from 1984. We should be ashamed of this and must thank our destiny that each time some how we didn't come empty handed. In 96 Leander Paes did the job , in 00 Karnam malleshwari saved our nose and in 04 Rajyavardhan hit the deck . I haven't even heard about them before their victories . Fortunately I was reading Abhinav's blog before and after his legendary achivement and it was amusing but predictable to see his viewers changing from 3 to lakhs .But the destiny was not that much kind on Bindra and unfortunately India won a match against Sri Lanka on the same day. It was funny watching Bindra sharing half the screen with Indian cricket team in all the news channels. So in India winning one gold medal is same as winning a simple cricket match. But the situation really seems optimistic with the advent of some new talents in other almost extinct sports such as Jitendra , Akhi , Saina , Pankaj ,Yuki,Sushil and many more ....
Sania's story really seems to be a fairy tell and can be just described as...
Sania won
Sania lost after tremendous struggle
Sania lost
Sania failed to qualify
We had expected a lot from this immensely talented girl but she just got trapped in her own glamor . I feel a great fury towards media for not highlighting any of Anand's achievement . This world champ really deserve a lot of respect , cheering and screen but he never gets it.Narayan Kartikeyan has completely disappeared this days.
Few days back I met an old friend of mine who is a gymnastic player. I was immersed in a great joy when I came to know that he is now working as a gymnastic instructor and earning a handsome money. I felt embarrassed that despite being his contemporary I haven't yet started my college studies. As a student he was counted in the most dumb fellows of our class and all the teacher always used to tell him to be like me and study hard. But now all of their's logics failed and he emerged out as the most successful than all of us at present . He is making his family proud and have many achievements in his short life . I wish he represents India some day in future.
If you ask any children playing cricket what you want to become his answer will be surely " SACHIN ".But soon circumstances changes their decision. Still lots of sachin's in present kids are being killed by the ruthless hunger of their parents .Study may provide a non risky and simple solution to earn livelihood. But sports opens a much broader and glamorous life . One may cry that we have no resources but look at all those Bhiwani's boxer they also have nothing but still they are enabling our national anthem to play at all the competitions. Sushil kumar is another example. A feeling of inferiority comes watching the american and Chinese Olympics squad in comparison to our tiny 56 player squd in which lady's were wearing track suit in place of official saris. Watching the performance of Indian football team in qualifying matches I think our players mush be praying to the opponents " bhai tumne itane saare kar liye ab ek aadha hume bhi kar lene do ". Same thing is now applicable on hockey .... no one will believe watching our present performance that once our players used to goal like making runs in cricket . I accuse media utmost because they have the power of heel turn but they remain stick to cricket . Its ridiculous that madan lal is predicting about football matches also ... waah re cricket prem .... Anand or Saina's victory can be seen on a little line flashing in red for seconds .Media suffers from short term memory loss in case of other sportsman's achievements ,but Dhoni's or Yuvraj's sneezes are always highlighted for atleast 2 days . Due to Dhoni's sudden marriage lots of girls have their heart broken but some how they recovered but media seems to be still in trauma . Now they are recovering by asking questions to waiters and watchman of the hotel.
Our government must ask for some reservation for different sports team like our gymnasts, table tennis players , footballers ,even the hockey team , that they should be allow to play via reservation else they are not likely to play any major global event . But as an Indian I have to be optimistic always so till India reachers in FIFA final let us continue cheering brazil, spain or argentina or in tennis federer or nadal ..
खेलोगे कूदोगे बनोगे खराब"
An old quotation in India describing the futile character of sports in comparison to study.All of us grown up by hearing the same thing. If we played more than two hours then at home there was an obvious " DE DANA DAN ". Sports are just visualized as a way of escape from study .Neither the teachers nor the parents ever bothered to scrutinize its positive effects and vital importance in every day life. Whenever watching any foreign television serial I find lots of character in them having sports as their aim .Movies like " high school musical" or "jump in" clearly reflects a much prominent sports culture in foreign .But in India how much children really think like this . For a while this kind of life may sounds very enjoyable and interesting but no one have that much gut to opt it forever.
We can't blame just the parents mentality for such poor sports culture in India .It seems funny how much round and round you go in any problem the ultimate culprit always comes out to be our government and politician .We are bragging for this time 3 olympic medals and not watching how our neighbor have developed its sport culture since its arrival in sports from 1984. We should be ashamed of this and must thank our destiny that each time some how we didn't come empty handed. In 96 Leander Paes did the job , in 00 Karnam malleshwari saved our nose and in 04 Rajyavardhan hit the deck . I haven't even heard about them before their victories . Fortunately I was reading Abhinav's blog before and after his legendary achivement and it was amusing but predictable to see his viewers changing from 3 to lakhs .But the destiny was not that much kind on Bindra and unfortunately India won a match against Sri Lanka on the same day. It was funny watching Bindra sharing half the screen with Indian cricket team in all the news channels. So in India winning one gold medal is same as winning a simple cricket match. But the situation really seems optimistic with the advent of some new talents in other almost extinct sports such as Jitendra , Akhi , Saina , Pankaj ,Yuki,Sushil and many more ....
Sania's story really seems to be a fairy tell and can be just described as...
Sania won
Sania lost after tremendous struggle
Sania lost
Sania failed to qualify
We had expected a lot from this immensely talented girl but she just got trapped in her own glamor . I feel a great fury towards media for not highlighting any of Anand's achievement . This world champ really deserve a lot of respect , cheering and screen but he never gets it.Narayan Kartikeyan has completely disappeared this days.
Few days back I met an old friend of mine who is a gymnastic player. I was immersed in a great joy when I came to know that he is now working as a gymnastic instructor and earning a handsome money. I felt embarrassed that despite being his contemporary I haven't yet started my college studies. As a student he was counted in the most dumb fellows of our class and all the teacher always used to tell him to be like me and study hard. But now all of their's logics failed and he emerged out as the most successful than all of us at present . He is making his family proud and have many achievements in his short life . I wish he represents India some day in future.
If you ask any children playing cricket what you want to become his answer will be surely " SACHIN ".But soon circumstances changes their decision. Still lots of sachin's in present kids are being killed by the ruthless hunger of their parents .Study may provide a non risky and simple solution to earn livelihood. But sports opens a much broader and glamorous life . One may cry that we have no resources but look at all those Bhiwani's boxer they also have nothing but still they are enabling our national anthem to play at all the competitions. Sushil kumar is another example. A feeling of inferiority comes watching the american and Chinese Olympics squad in comparison to our tiny 56 player squd in which lady's were wearing track suit in place of official saris. Watching the performance of Indian football team in qualifying matches I think our players mush be praying to the opponents " bhai tumne itane saare kar liye ab ek aadha hume bhi kar lene do ". Same thing is now applicable on hockey .... no one will believe watching our present performance that once our players used to goal like making runs in cricket . I accuse media utmost because they have the power of heel turn but they remain stick to cricket . Its ridiculous that madan lal is predicting about football matches also ... waah re cricket prem .... Anand or Saina's victory can be seen on a little line flashing in red for seconds .Media suffers from short term memory loss in case of other sportsman's achievements ,but Dhoni's or Yuvraj's sneezes are always highlighted for atleast 2 days . Due to Dhoni's sudden marriage lots of girls have their heart broken but some how they recovered but media seems to be still in trauma . Now they are recovering by asking questions to waiters and watchman of the hotel.
Our government must ask for some reservation for different sports team like our gymnasts, table tennis players , footballers ,even the hockey team , that they should be allow to play via reservation else they are not likely to play any major global event . But as an Indian I have to be optimistic always so till India reachers in FIFA final let us continue cheering brazil, spain or argentina or in tennis federer or nadal ..
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The end of 11th class ....
With all these problems some how I was able to struggle and survive until I got ill just before the half yearly exams . Due to which I was not able to attend both the school and coaching for 2 weeks . When I returned , I was just kicked out from the competition . I was finding it hard to even sit in the class rooms as whatever being taught I was not able to grasp even a single word of that. So I took the first risky decision of my life . I left coaching . By doing this I became the most peculiar and stupid guy in the whole world . Daily I received calls from many students who had not even touched the books , telling me how wrong my decision was and what repercussions I will have to face. Even my parents were against this decision and daily my dad continued to injure me with his taunting verbal arrows . But some how I remained firm to my decision and I thought to do things by myself as I was scared that I will not clear even the 11th standard.
By now my net addiction was on peak .I have already mentioned how much effort I was putting to came out of this vicious circle but I was getting trapped in it further . I believe in the concept that each and every thing of this world have some positive and negative aspects although their ratio may vary . It doesn't matter to me how much time I wasted on net but what I learned their still aids me and it have made my character very fierce and strong . My life has always introduced me with all type of exceptions . Before coming to net I had read that many peoples in net have fraud identities but I always believed that this cases are the exceptions and it would be rare encountering such cases . Firstly i found it very exciting and new . Talking with people of different states and even of different country . I loved to dominate other peoples and had become much arrogant in that period . The changes in my virtual life were visibly influencing my real life . I used to think about what will be happening in the virtual world for hours. The conspiracies and politics happening there now seems very funny to me today but that time I felt to be entangled in cobwebs .
I was able to live that character on net which I wished to live in the real world . I used to call me king that time and was thinking like Kareena of " jab we met " that whatever we think surely happens in life . In real life I hardly talk with any girl ( don't ask why but I have to clear I am straight not gay :D ) . I feel very nervous while talking with girl . But on net I used to even flirt with girls lightly. I had become much popular in zapak that as I was in the top 10 rated players . I was considering achievements there as real life achievements and used to brag about them . Their used to be a time when I used to think that at that the world was full of just good people and how wrong i was. Some people might behave bad but due to circumstances . I hadn't met fierce liars at that time . My net life cleared a lots of myths of my real life . One of this was that people do not irritate or disturb you until you initiate. My net life ended with an exceptional event . I still lack the guts to write about that . But I emerged out as a matured and better person after it as I was now able to understand that you can never trust anyone and even the most intimate person can also cheat you .
The annual exams were near that time and I hardly had read even the titles of many chapters . This was the first time in my life I was thinking of just passing the exam and above 60% was looking like 95% . But I always have the confidence to rely on my mugging capabilities . I was able to pass just by mugging before 2 or 3 days . Once again English hiked my percentage to 66 and I was feeling glad even after a decline of 22%. All others were baffled (some happy too ) by my failure but I was celebrating . As I expect from myself I made lot of time tables and planned various things for re-initiating my preparation . But guess destiny has written something else for me . I'll post that in next blog .
By now my net addiction was on peak .I have already mentioned how much effort I was putting to came out of this vicious circle but I was getting trapped in it further . I believe in the concept that each and every thing of this world have some positive and negative aspects although their ratio may vary . It doesn't matter to me how much time I wasted on net but what I learned their still aids me and it have made my character very fierce and strong . My life has always introduced me with all type of exceptions . Before coming to net I had read that many peoples in net have fraud identities but I always believed that this cases are the exceptions and it would be rare encountering such cases . Firstly i found it very exciting and new . Talking with people of different states and even of different country . I loved to dominate other peoples and had become much arrogant in that period . The changes in my virtual life were visibly influencing my real life . I used to think about what will be happening in the virtual world for hours. The conspiracies and politics happening there now seems very funny to me today but that time I felt to be entangled in cobwebs .
I was able to live that character on net which I wished to live in the real world . I used to call me king that time and was thinking like Kareena of " jab we met " that whatever we think surely happens in life . In real life I hardly talk with any girl ( don't ask why but I have to clear I am straight not gay :D ) . I feel very nervous while talking with girl . But on net I used to even flirt with girls lightly. I had become much popular in zapak that as I was in the top 10 rated players . I was considering achievements there as real life achievements and used to brag about them . Their used to be a time when I used to think that at that the world was full of just good people and how wrong i was. Some people might behave bad but due to circumstances . I hadn't met fierce liars at that time . My net life cleared a lots of myths of my real life . One of this was that people do not irritate or disturb you until you initiate. My net life ended with an exceptional event . I still lack the guts to write about that . But I emerged out as a matured and better person after it as I was now able to understand that you can never trust anyone and even the most intimate person can also cheat you .
The annual exams were near that time and I hardly had read even the titles of many chapters . This was the first time in my life I was thinking of just passing the exam and above 60% was looking like 95% . But I always have the confidence to rely on my mugging capabilities . I was able to pass just by mugging before 2 or 3 days . Once again English hiked my percentage to 66 and I was feeling glad even after a decline of 22%. All others were baffled (some happy too ) by my failure but I was celebrating . As I expect from myself I made lot of time tables and planned various things for re-initiating my preparation . But guess destiny has written something else for me . I'll post that in next blog .
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