Wind of changes......

After the end of my YAGYOPAVIT, I realized that my eyes were still giving lots of trouble to me. I wasn't able to concentrate much on studies both in school and coaching. So I quit study for that time as each time I gazed any book it scared me. Not even a single word was clearly visible. Soon we planned to go to INDORE for a check up. But I don't know what happened but circumstances never allowed us to visit there. With the end of school I was relieved a bit but our coaching teacher announced a new problem. He wanted to take a test to shuffle batches in accordance with student's potential. As I had done only scattered preparation and some how was struggling hence, I was very unfit and unwilling for the test. Then also I changed my direction of study and started focusing on the test to try my level best. I revised same thing again and again and it had a very bad effect on my further preparation. I screwed the test and was thrown in a batch which was not supposed to qualify in IIT.

Meanwhile gradually some changes were happening in my eye. I came to know about it in early MAY that now I was able to see more clearly. I was using some YOGA and ayurvedic techniques for the rectification of my eye sight. Filling your mouth completely with water and then wash your eyes slowly. I used to repeat it six times a day and by some miracle my eye sight came back to normal mode at the end of MAY. But the hectic coaching schedule was still a big hurdle for my self study. Meanwhile I came in contact with BITS360 forum. There I read lots of articles about engineering, scope of various branches, comparison of BITS to IITs and many other such stuff. It influenced and revolutionized my perspective and finally I decided to quit coaching forever and rely completely on self study. Now that was something unexpected and very risky. As I was the only person in the whole city which had decided not to join any coaching for 12th standard, at least I can claim this for my school. Nevertheless I started preparing on my own.

Meanwhile I was learning a lot from bits360 site that a college didn't matter that much as your own capabilities do. Finally I quit the decision of running blindly behind IITs and started to gain knowledge as much as I can. I had also started participating in the stuff going on their with ID self_study and initiated threads like

http://www.bits360.com/forum/engineer-on-each-street-t3110.html
http://www.bits360.com/forum/an-aspirant-observation-t3106-10.html

I had become a fierce coaching critic that time. To some extent it was their mistake as they failed to provide a proper and enthusiastic environment for learning but honestly speaking I was putting all my faults on them. Also I was struggling to complete my computer syllabus. I was unable to understand about programming and c++ functions and all such. Even I was not knowing the basics. I tried my level best with some upper power to change my subject but our principle didn't consent. That time I realized that it's very painful and troublesome if you are forced to study what you don't wish to.

When in free time I used to dream a lot. Dreaming myself as IITJEE or BITSAT topper. The first student which dared to do preparation on his own and succeeded. I thought about making blogs about my success and guiding other aspirants how you can also do it. I dreamed to bring a new revolution in competitive stage.Teen age is very delicate age where you live most in dream then in real life. You visualize yourself as some one very powerful and successful and I was not an exception. In fact I was on the extreme stage of it where I used to do nothing just dreaming,dreaming and dreaming.

I kept on repeating the same mistakes again and again which I had already done in 11th standard. I made a big time table for completing this thing in that time. Started very well and read the early chapters already done 10 times again and again and then collapsed then restarted with the same procedure. It was just like a roller in which I was rolling. Despite doing much handwork but got back to initial point again and again
Before the schools were about to start I faced the biggest trauma of my life and my confidence was completely broken and scattered. Some personal problems kept me depressed and in a very bleak situation for a long time. With the starting of my school some how I recovered and started preparation again but now with a much different and better approach. Even then due to lack of consistency and punctuality, nothing fruitful came for me. But some how I was able to ran in the race.