After the 3rd test accident I was transfixed by the failure. I had worked hard in maths but still screwed the paper. I stopped studying. Just rough thinking daily. I realized that I should have never taken PCM as subject as I had no interest in it. I must go for something creative. Although I liked physics very much but I liked facts and theoretical stuff more. I love to read relativity but can't solve its problem. Same was with other things also. Meanwhile 2 more faculties left and we were supplied with a new organic teacher SKM.
In his first lecture only half of the class was filled but the second one was flooded.He was an awesome teacher. He really maintained a good momentum in each of his lecture and I enjoyed learning organic chemistry. Meanwhile I relied again on my mugging abilities and started mugging inorganic at its best. The physics teacher's level was far away from me. I was struggling a lot and always reluctant to complete any of the back load. Neither I was paying any attention to the current lectures. Actually I was indeed trying but was not getting anything in my mind. I had completed theory many times but still wasn't able to solve even the average problems.
Soon the 4th test arrived, I wasn't even prepared 5% at all. But I laid the primary emphasis on doing less mistake. I succeeded and done only 3 marks mistake and my rank hiked to 1238. My fellow students called it " divide and rule" as their ranks had been declined a lot in this test. Soon the Diwali vacations started. Although I was reluctant to go back to home but my parents had already done my reservation. I thought to finish all my back load in this vacation and enter in the top 500 after this. But I got carried away at home. My parents were also reluctant for my study plan. They advised me to take complete mental rest and I also didn't disobeyed them. I wasted those 5 golden days which could bring me back to a very strong position.
When the classes resumed our maths teacher asked how many of the students studied for more than 4 hours daily and only 3 students raised their hands out of 175. This was the story. Meanwhile swine flu had arrived in kota. Its quite funny when it had not reached here all the students were wearing mask and using handkerchief to cover their nose. Even I tried it for 2 days but soon left this practice as I was looking awkward and different. But when it arrived none of us even bother to use a handkerchief.
The shuffling happened and I was sent to x10 batch again. I was happy at least I managed to get a x tag but x11 was like heaven that time. It had all the good faculties and the previous students of x11 were all hiked. But x10 also had good faculty. Our maths teachers was a gem. Although I had studied with him before but I didn't have a good image of him that time. He was rude and didn't miss any chance to disrespect student. Some time he went very vehement and used slang and many other bad words. He could quit the class anytime without the fear of anyone . I used to call him psycho. But his teaching abilities were exceptional. He brought the fear of doing homework again in me and I started learning maths again. I was able to understand each and every point in his flowing lecture. He also created very funny situations and jokes. We laughed a lot in his class. IF he was in good mood his lectures were like a 1 and half hour comedy film with lots of learning.
But I lost my organic teacher because of whom my ranked was hiked. Our new organic teacher was a dumb person. He didn't know how to teach. His lectures were very dull and all the students used to yawn only. We complaint a lot for his removal. Meanwhile bansal sir launched the martial law. No student was allowed to attend class in some other batches. It screwed all of us. As we were now bound to take class of that organic teacher. Soon I lost my command on organic. I wasn't able to understand a single point on his notes. When the other student had accepted their defeat I once again initiated for a riot and this time we got succeed. The teacher had changed but we had lost a major portion.
Our physics teacher had also changed and now we were supplied with the HOD of physics. I was happy that now I'll study from a quality teacher. But his teaching standard was well above my level. I was able to understand the core of the lectures of past teacher but this time I was even struggling in the basics. The syllabus completion process had picked a tremendous pace and i was getting behind each day. If I studied maths then chem and phy were left out and vice versa. The good thing was that I was finishing my complete maths homework. In the next review test my rank came down to 1469.I was very tired and frustrated because of this life.
No pace at all. Just perpetual monotonous acts again and again. I felt like trapped in a cage for thousand years. Study was so boring and annoying. Knowledge gain was replaced with the ability to solve few questions in lesser time. We all were mugging but not learning. Concepts were replaced by formula. And the mess food really made me to vomit daily. Only radio was giving me some sort of peace. I was not a music fan till but had become now. I used to hear it even in the toilet or while bathing. The programs like " my fm ri sholey ( a rajasthani sequel of sholey) and " shayar jasbati" on 94.3 my fm were very enjoyable. At night other people enjoyed a program " naughty rateein" with meenakshi I didn't like this program too much but occasionally I did hear it for a change.
We used to waste lots of time in gossiping about past. It mainly revolved around girls or fights. We all were sharing our common pain. At night we used to play UNO which always ended at 2 or 3 am. I was taking a sleep of 2 or 3 hours only at night. But it got balanced as after returning I used to bethat much tired that I slept just after falling on bed. As no one was there to woke me I always ended with a nap of 4 to 5 hours screwing all of my daily planned schedule. Sometimes I used crazy tricks like switching off my lights to reflect that I'm sleeping meanwhile I was studying.My room was better in terms that it had various sources of light. My bathroom window open in a forest with lots of peacock.
Soon the 6th review test arrived. I was only prepared in maths. At each test I always used to think that I'll thrown away in the range of 4k but some how managed to remain above 2000. At this test also with very less preparation and almost no revision I managed to get 1751 rank.My average time of study was less than a hour in a day while other student used to study for more than 6 hours. I didn't know either they just acted or they really did but their most of the homework was complete while mine was not. So I became very overconfident that with this much less study and less preparation I'm able to score good marks including a lots of silly mistakes. If I omit the silly mistake my rank hiked around 500.
I hyped my coincidental success a lot and became very overconfident. I always used to think if one day I'll manage to study for 6 hours daily consistently and complete most of the syllabus then I'll definitely clear JEE with flying colors. I was just thinking doing nothing concrete or if I was doing circumstances were not with me. Occasionally those migraine attacks or rib pain hindered my preparation and screwed up the whole schedule. I was still living in dream to get a top 1000 rank but was doing nothing for it.
Each day I slept with a vow of studying more than 10 hours but never managed to do it. If I went out of my room I returned after 4 hours with a very heavy mind that I wasted time. But I couldn't resist from being the part of a lengthy gossip or playing UNO or some other self created game. Even the telephonic conversations with friends or family members extended for hours. Time was sleeping from my hands and I was unable to hold it. I was in a loon like stage. My mind was out of my wits and things were just randomly and automatically happening.
I was frustrated and want to escape from this hell but was restricted. Nothing seemed to be of any joy and hope. Some topics I had done more than 10 times and some other not even touched. Some questions I had solved many a times and some formula I hadn't given a single glance. All the other students were also in the same stage except MOTRAM. I was finding hard to live in that tiny room with only books around me. I was lost in my own dreams. Life was bleak and hopeless as at that time I had realized that if I continued with the same routine I'll not have any chance to stand for JEE.
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