Then also I love you dad.....

A father is the first and a true hero for a child, and it is the longing of every child to be like his father...

This was my status at father's day on Facebook. But these thoughts are not always permanent in my mind. Like every son and father relationship, I also have lots of mess, vehement arguments and debates with my dad and I know they will continue through out the life. From a child's perspective being father is just to impose your decisions, burst out your frustration and restriction on every thing where as from a father's perspective being a father is one of the most responsible act and you have to guide your child in each and every decision of his life. At present, there is a huge generation gap.

There was a poem in our text book about a father complaining that his son no more follow his will. Same problem is faced by most of the fathers that they think their control over their son is getting loose and he might choose a wrong path. Most of the son wants to swim fast and deep in the sea while all fathers want them at the beach to have a eye on them for their security. Sons want to fly high in the air while fathers want their feet on the ground for a safe approach. Even Gandhi ji who was heard by all the country failed to have a control on his elder son Hari Lal. This reflects the difficulty of being a father.

I also have a complex relation with my dad mixed with love,joy,anger,frustration,arguments etc all types of emotions. My dad always nourished me with the aim of shining his name and I also did the same till reaching 5th class. When due to certain silly mistake I failed to acquire first position in my class. He taunted me severely for this and kept on testing my patience but I didn't burst into tears until one day he turned very vehement. This was the first time I made a very negative image of him. But the queer thing was this that in his anger and frustration some time his love and caring was clearly reflected. I returned to the track soon and attained first position continuously in class 6th,7th and 8th. But this was not at all satisfactory for him and he wanted me to top the district while at that time I was a fierce critic of judging ones ability and potential by marks. I always used to tell my dad that marks are just illusion and they can never tell us about one's true capability but to him only marks were important and to being on the top. But I never understand his dual behavior. When I was full of zest and confidence he keep telling me about my failures and whenever I go downhill or in depression he always encouraged me and inculcated lots of confidence by telling that give your best, no worry about results. Giving our best is in our hands but result is not.

When I reached teen age I had become much more rebellious and used to fight with dad even on small things. Mom always acted as a barrier between us and she became the victim of fury of both of us. I always wonder how women have that much patience that they can endure all taunts and fights and still manage to keep the family together. After reaching the prime time of my career, dad was much more strict and he didn't like any of my carelessness. Watching TV, playing cricket or any other sort of entertainment. He wanted to see me only studying and I had no interest left in study at that time. I was baffled when he supported my decision of not going to coaching and said " I know you will make it on your own ". After it whenever he saw me not studying he taunted me that I wasted his 30k rs and still not using any of the time. He was right at that time but my rebellious and unstable mind could not bear this kinds of taunts and the final outcome was a fierce argument and then no talking for days. One day when dad said the same I replied I'll return 30 lakhs to you with in 10 years. Now only 7 years are left and still I haven't earned a single buck lets see whether I can keep up with my words or not. That day I was depressed and out of colors and decided to burst my feelings and I choose my fav. way .......

मन मे हो रही एक अग्नि प्रज्वलित
तपन जिसकी कर रही समूचे शरीर को विचलित
बह रही अनियत्रिंत भावनाये प्रचण
जल रहा मानो शरीर का खंड-खंड
अजब दौराहा है युवास्था और बालमन का
मानो अपने ही प्रतिबिम्ब से लड़ने सा
अनायास ही जो आया जिम्मेदारी का भार
अंचभित मन, अकल्पित स्थिति लाई रिश्तों मे दरार
एक सोच पर भार अनेको सोच का
एक आंकाक्षा पर भार अनेको मह्त्वकांक्षाओ का
एक सपने पर भार अनेको सपनो क
एक ही मन पर भार अनेको अपनो का
अग्नि की बढती लपटो से सब अधीर हो रहा
अपना ही अस्तित्व मानो विलीन हो रहा
डर यही कि इस अंधी दौड़ में
आगे बढने और श्रेष्ठ होने की हौड़ मे
कही फ़िसल न जाये यह नव सवार
पिछ्ड़ न जाये, न जाये अपने सपनो से हार

As per my dad only hard work is the ultimate and only solution of all problems and a key to success. Where as I always relied on mind and short tricks. When I was making notes in 12th dad always pointed out that you should read the theory not write the content but I always disobeyed him. I always tell him that what hard work has lerry page and sergey brin done or what hard work bill gates is doing. Only mind matters not hard work. But I was wrong. I failed in each and every stage of my life only due to lack of hard work. Dad was always right. As I have failed by my tricked I have decided to apply dad's trick now HARDWORK nothing else

During the competitive exam time when I was severely ill , he was my source of encouragement and he never let me fall. When I was not able to give AIEEE exam he said " don't worry perhaps something different is written in your destiny". Once I was thinking " how cruel dad is , if I was on his place I will do things..." and to much of my astonishment I imagined my self doing the same things. Perhaps the manner was different but same message. He always consented on my every decision and never thought for a single second about money. Whether it was joining the coaching, leaving it or going to kota.

Hero cycles had promoted an ad few days back in which a dad encourage his son for cycling when he was depressed after falling again and again, and ultimately he learned. All dads are the same, they keep on encouraging their child again and again either in positive or in negative way till they learn and emerges out as a successful human. There is a saying " there is only one child in this world and every mother has it" . Similarly I can say " there is only one best dad in this world and every child has it"

May be after meeting dad today I will say " dad I have written a blog about you" . Either he will give me a huge hug or say in his sarcastic tone " better to clean the room or read some thing " . No matter how many times we have argued and I disobeyed you. No matter how many times You hurt and rebuked me in front of many peoples. No matter how many times you are going to taunt me about my past failure. You are moody , sarcastic , rude and very annoying then also I love you dad because I know when ever I will rise you will be their to cheer and when ever I will fall you will lift me up and encourage me to rise again....