Around the end of December. I was dead tired. Tired from hectic coaching schedule, daily mess and fights at the hostel , crappy food and hard work not getting paid off. The release of 3 idiots proved very relaxing for me at that time. I entered in a film theater after almost 10 years and I enjoyed it. It inculcated zest and enthusiasm in me again. I was filled with positive energy and started again afresh. I always believe that it is never very late. The later you start the faster you have to run without getting tired and I was ready for it this time.
I had written some resolutions on my text book during the last minutes of 2009. I was happy that although I lost many things in 2009 but eventually I emerged out as a much stronger and enduring person. I had still not quit and was willing to try once again. The first week of 2010 went very well. I utilized my newly inculcated energy very well and was able to do lots of hard work. But when the coaching timings were hiked I was completely cracked. Now the timings were 9 to 12:45 ( teacher left us at 1:15 or 1:30) then classes again start from 2:30 to 5 ( teacher left us at 6) . So although I was now willing to utilize time I had no time left. The back load was increasing at an alarming rate. To add in it, I got struck with fever and severe migraine attacks. I wasn't able to handle the pressure of coaching and studies.
I had finished most of the maths syllabus but had to complete almost 70% of chemistry and 85% of physics. I was able to solve the questions of physics in review test whose topics I had learned earlier. So I thought physics could play the role of trump card for me and I must complete it first. As it appeared almost impossible while staying in kota So I decided to run away from hell 1 month before the coaching ending. Although It was a very risky decision but I had to take it as it seemed best that time. I enjoyed the last week doing conversations and playing with friends. I left the hell at 31st Jan and was very happy.
I planned a very hectic schedule in the train which included a 15 hour study daily. But at home I lost my pace and became lazy. I was doing things at a very slow pace. But as I was doing things on my own, I was in a very stress free condition. But I took the wrong decision of completely leaving chemistry and maths. Also my net addiction had returned due to which I started wasting a lot of time at night by playing online games and chatting. I was desperately waiting for this era to pass. I was imagining myself in a good college. I was sure to do good in BITSAT and AIEEE if not IIT JEE. At home frequent collisions of me with dad and sis was common. Due to which my mood went off and I wasn't able to focus on study for several hours.
I kept on changing time table but wasn't able to obey a single one effectively. Soon march arrived and I had lots of back load to do. But at march I lost my wits and conscience. I didn't want to study any more. I was tired and frustrated mugging same things again and again. And in those untouched topics nothing seemed to get inserted into my mind. I was struggling a lot, reading the text more than 4 times but still not getting a single statement. The topics which I had already done more than 10 times I had forgotten them all. Not able to remember even a single formula. What a pathetic situation that was.
I didn't know how fast march went. It just came and go in a single second. I hadn't done even the 1 percent of what I was supposed to do. Meanwhile frequent migraine attacks at alternate days were ruining my schedule. If one day I woke up early and started studying well in the morning around 12 my head started paining a lot and I had to quit. I decided to finish my maths portion and wasted last 15 days in just a single but important topic of co-ordinate geometry.
When April arrived I was just expecting a miracle . Only a miracle could save me that time as I wasn't able to finish even 50% of the JEE syllabus. I was just thinking how fast this year went and I just kept on making plans but didn't implemented a single one. First 5 days of April were wasted in the same thoughts. But later I decided to revise the complete syllabus once again and hope for a miracle. It seemed much better than learning any new untouched topic. The only thing making me worry was I had not even solved a single question from 4 important topics of physics naming optics,magnetism and emi, modern physics and waves. I relied on praying and rest of my confidence and good luck which helped me last time.
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