Just opened the new blog post tab and my copy of mid sem of English once again flashed in my mind proudly stamping me as one of the most weak student of English in the whole class. For the first time my hands are trembling before writing a blog post as I have lost a pretty good amount of my confidence and faith. It arises a question mark, to both my literally and creative skills because in the real world people judge you by marks. Marks are the sole criteria of judgment of one's intellectuality, wisdom, potential and skills. But I am now habitual to this situation. It's just a recap of my past flashing again and again. I remember my +2 board result of English. When people who even can't speak in hindi scored much higher than me.
I always object on the reliability of judging one on the criteria of some others limitation. Time is fixed so are the conditions and circumstances yet you want the horse of creativity to fly high with his Pegasus. How can some one roam freely with a tight knot in his neck. All we can do is flail helplessly for breathe in spite of having ample amount of air around us.
One my visualize at present me as a frustrated guy just crying through out his life and hiding his failure by giving futile and vague excuses and to some extent this is correct also. But then also I don't find any logic in this kind of marking system. Students must be judged on their overall performance through out the year and time to time their knowledge level should be checked instead of limiting it to just a 3 hour test. It has created a new category of students which now constitutes the majority.
The last night learners who do not even know what the syllabus is one day before. Do all sort of "JUGAAD" in between, rely on mobile and coffee to wake a night before the exam and some how cross the boundary line with a proud face and broad chest bragging " abe tu to rahne de .... maine bas ek raat pahle padha tha aur dekh itne le aaya jis din shuru se padhunga us din na jaane kya kar dunga". And unfortunately I belong to the same last night mugger category but some how getting off the track and screwing the paper badly at the spot for last 2 years. But before all the bookish positive people started boasting and preaching me knowledge of hard work and optimism I myself declare that I am in a committed relation with study from now onwards but don't know till when......
Friday, October 22, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Don't know how to say .... Trauma of silent lover
जब निहारा था पहली बार तुम्हे
तब भी एक प्रश्न उठा था
अब भी निहारता हुँ जब तुम्हे
वही प्रश्न फ़िर उठता है
इकरार तो कर बैठे खामोशी से
अब इजहार कैसे करे
कभी एकटक देखता रह जाता हुँ
कभी भावनाओ मे बह जाता हुँ
कभी सब कह भी खामोश रह जाता हुँ
बस जो चाहु वो नहीं कह पात हुँ
होठ कपकपाते है, पग डगमगाते है
लाख रोको तो भी आँसू छलक आते है
मेरी खामोशी भी कभी सुनो
मेरी बेकरारी भी कभी चुनो
कितने ही कागज भर दिये
सभी बस व्यर्थ कर दिये
सोचता हु खुद कागज बन जाऊ
खामोशी कलम मेरी, सब लाल स्याही से भर जाउ
तब भी एक प्रश्न उठा था
अब भी निहारता हुँ जब तुम्हे
वही प्रश्न फ़िर उठता है
इकरार तो कर बैठे खामोशी से
अब इजहार कैसे करे
कभी एकटक देखता रह जाता हुँ
कभी भावनाओ मे बह जाता हुँ
कभी सब कह भी खामोश रह जाता हुँ
बस जो चाहु वो नहीं कह पात हुँ
होठ कपकपाते है, पग डगमगाते है
लाख रोको तो भी आँसू छलक आते है
मेरी खामोशी भी कभी सुनो
मेरी बेकरारी भी कभी चुनो
कितने ही कागज भर दिये
सभी बस व्यर्थ कर दिये
सोचता हु खुद कागज बन जाऊ
खामोशी कलम मेरी, सब लाल स्याही से भर जाउ
Friday, October 15, 2010
When will that tomorrow come .... ??
करा काम दिन भर
सोचा आराम करेगे कल
कल आया आज बन बैठा
बैठ न पाये बस हम
“We work hard for making a better tomorrow and when it comes we again started working thinking the same “
Received this thought provoking message few days back. It just made me to introspect and swim in the ocean of past again and there it was justified. All of us are running blindly in order to take rest some day but that day never comes. We all are earning to build an expensive bedroom, decorated with all type of expensive accessories, a beautiful bed inside it but what we don’t have is the time to sleep on that bed.
When I rewind my life a bit I realize that today was the tomorrow of past time which I used to think will bring peace and joy in my life. But I am still running on a bleak and lonely road with no final destination in lust of having peace and relief one day. Stopped playing outdoor games and online games thinking that I must concentrate on 10th class study then I will enjoy. When 10th class ended I started running for good marks in 12th board and in the hunt of a good college. Scored well in 12th but failed to find a position in good college so took drop thinking after this I’ll enjoy life. Suffered a lot of mental pressure during the drop year but a clear picture of enjoyable life keep on refueling and inspiring me.
Finally the period of ambiguity and uncertainty ceased and I landed in college. Since Infancy I have heard things about college. College has no study, no formalities and discipline. College is the coolest and funniest place where you just hang with friend. But all this day dreaming faded as soon I entered in the college. Nothing changed here except random dresses. I am finding myself here also entangled in the cobwebs of performing well, stay superior, running for the best etc. It doesn’t matter how unfit you are, how much mentally and physically exhaust you are, you have to run else others would leave you behind.
Now these thoughts are hovering me. Is the future also bleak and monotonous? I will fight for surviving in job, different accessories would tempt me, would run behind money to fulfill the desires of myself and my family. When would I rest then? I will keep on working for a better tomorrow and that tomorrow will change into present. It is a cage full of mirrors where we are running behind ourselves but can never catch our image. So I have decided to rest a little, take a proper breathe, avoid the temptation of remaining the topper all around, lets live an average life full of joy, enjoyment and do all the things which I always want to do and not those which I was supposed to do . Some times breaking the rules is also very adventurous and pleasant. So people get off the track, hang your boots for little time and rest on the green grass watching the sun set having blank mind.
सोचा आराम करेगे कल
कल आया आज बन बैठा
बैठ न पाये बस हम
“We work hard for making a better tomorrow and when it comes we again started working thinking the same “
Received this thought provoking message few days back. It just made me to introspect and swim in the ocean of past again and there it was justified. All of us are running blindly in order to take rest some day but that day never comes. We all are earning to build an expensive bedroom, decorated with all type of expensive accessories, a beautiful bed inside it but what we don’t have is the time to sleep on that bed.
When I rewind my life a bit I realize that today was the tomorrow of past time which I used to think will bring peace and joy in my life. But I am still running on a bleak and lonely road with no final destination in lust of having peace and relief one day. Stopped playing outdoor games and online games thinking that I must concentrate on 10th class study then I will enjoy. When 10th class ended I started running for good marks in 12th board and in the hunt of a good college. Scored well in 12th but failed to find a position in good college so took drop thinking after this I’ll enjoy life. Suffered a lot of mental pressure during the drop year but a clear picture of enjoyable life keep on refueling and inspiring me.
Finally the period of ambiguity and uncertainty ceased and I landed in college. Since Infancy I have heard things about college. College has no study, no formalities and discipline. College is the coolest and funniest place where you just hang with friend. But all this day dreaming faded as soon I entered in the college. Nothing changed here except random dresses. I am finding myself here also entangled in the cobwebs of performing well, stay superior, running for the best etc. It doesn’t matter how unfit you are, how much mentally and physically exhaust you are, you have to run else others would leave you behind.
Now these thoughts are hovering me. Is the future also bleak and monotonous? I will fight for surviving in job, different accessories would tempt me, would run behind money to fulfill the desires of myself and my family. When would I rest then? I will keep on working for a better tomorrow and that tomorrow will change into present. It is a cage full of mirrors where we are running behind ourselves but can never catch our image. So I have decided to rest a little, take a proper breathe, avoid the temptation of remaining the topper all around, lets live an average life full of joy, enjoyment and do all the things which I always want to do and not those which I was supposed to do . Some times breaking the rules is also very adventurous and pleasant. So people get off the track, hang your boots for little time and rest on the green grass watching the sun set having blank mind.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
An amazing encounter with a little kid ....
This is for the first time that I have put my hands on poetry on observation. The incidence took place nearly 8 years back when I was walking on a road day dreaming suddenly watched this kid, very bleak and gloomy being pushed by his mother to go to school. He was very dejected and reluctant and his mother was in a rush. His two missing teeth were further decorating his sadness and in the evening when he was returning from school he was in some other dimension. He was full of enthusiasm and euphoria and was gliding on the road. I really enjoyed the experience.
रास्ते से गुजर रहा था
ख्यालों में खोया हुआ
कुछ सपने बुन रहा था
जागते से सोया हुआ
तभी नजर उस पर आयी
दिखी वह मासूम परछाई
कदम धीमे, मुख उदास
कंधे झुके , चाल निराश
चेहरा लटका हुआ
कंठ अटका हुआ
मानो किसी स्याह रास्ते से
अनजान मंजिल जाता हुआ
मानो दुख के दरिया मे
कुंठित वह समाता हुआ
माँ उसे खींच रही थी
दोनो की मुठ्ठीया भींच रही थी
पर आक्रोश दोनो का भिन्न था
एक मजबुर दुसरा खिन्न था
अचानक उसने मुँह खोला
दो दाँत गायब थे
उसकी निराशा की याचना में
दोनो सहायक थे
माजरा देख मै काँप उठा
मेरा पुराना डर जाग उठा
मान मनुहार कर हम
राम घर में लाते है
अपरिपक्व राम परिपक्वता की आड़ मे
14 वर्ष वनवास पाते है
शिक्षा ज्ञान का मैदान नहीं
गुलामी की जंजीर है
जहाँ हर उन्मुक्त मन
बेड़ियो मे जकड़ जाता है
वापसी मे इत्तेफाक हुआ
वही नजारा पुन हुआ
इस बार बच्चा आगे
माँ पीछे थी
कदम तेज, मुख मस्त
कंधे तने, चाल चुस्त
चेहरा मुस्कुराता हुआ
कंठ गुनगुनाता हुआ
वही दो गायब दाँत
मुस्कान की शान बढा रहे थे
निराशा की याचना के बदले
प्रसन्नता के गीत गा रहे थे
मुझे देख वह हँस पड़ा
फ़िर वह आगे बढ़ चला
ताकता गया मै चकित खड़ा
वह आगे बढता चला
वह आगे बढता चला
रास्ते से गुजर रहा था
ख्यालों में खोया हुआ
कुछ सपने बुन रहा था
जागते से सोया हुआ
तभी नजर उस पर आयी
दिखी वह मासूम परछाई
कदम धीमे, मुख उदास
कंधे झुके , चाल निराश
चेहरा लटका हुआ
कंठ अटका हुआ
मानो किसी स्याह रास्ते से
अनजान मंजिल जाता हुआ
मानो दुख के दरिया मे
कुंठित वह समाता हुआ
माँ उसे खींच रही थी
दोनो की मुठ्ठीया भींच रही थी
पर आक्रोश दोनो का भिन्न था
एक मजबुर दुसरा खिन्न था
अचानक उसने मुँह खोला
दो दाँत गायब थे
उसकी निराशा की याचना में
दोनो सहायक थे
माजरा देख मै काँप उठा
मेरा पुराना डर जाग उठा
मान मनुहार कर हम
राम घर में लाते है
अपरिपक्व राम परिपक्वता की आड़ मे
14 वर्ष वनवास पाते है
शिक्षा ज्ञान का मैदान नहीं
गुलामी की जंजीर है
जहाँ हर उन्मुक्त मन
बेड़ियो मे जकड़ जाता है
वापसी मे इत्तेफाक हुआ
वही नजारा पुन हुआ
इस बार बच्चा आगे
माँ पीछे थी
कदम तेज, मुख मस्त
कंधे तने, चाल चुस्त
चेहरा मुस्कुराता हुआ
कंठ गुनगुनाता हुआ
वही दो गायब दाँत
मुस्कान की शान बढा रहे थे
निराशा की याचना के बदले
प्रसन्नता के गीत गा रहे थे
मुझे देख वह हँस पड़ा
फ़िर वह आगे बढ़ चला
ताकता गया मै चकित खड़ा
वह आगे बढता चला
वह आगे बढता चला
Friday, October 1, 2010
Gandhi's soul must be crying today ...
I do not want to entangle in any argument with my past friends who know me as a very anti gandhi personality. Though I am ready to face the question " tum RSS wale gandhi ji ko kyu tribute de rahe ho" as some people has misconception that all anti gandhi people belong to RSS. I do not support any of gandhi ji's political decision but I admire him more as a social worker, philosopher and a man with a mission to serve and save mankind. His work to upgrade and reform backward people are remarkable. I will also mention a special tribute to one of my ideal Lal Bahadur Shastri whose neglect is ubiquitous on this day. Sometime I felt I have no right to object on such a big personality as I haven't yet taken a single step to serve this world sometime else I got carried away in emotions.
Two great persona of Indian history were born on the same day but we celebrate it more as a holiday. The primary source and initiator of PAAP the money now has symbol of gandhi ji,what can be more ironical thing? Our present politics is just contrast to what it was during gandhi ji's and shastri ji's era. That time politicians were server and building nation now they are just serving and building their self. I do not want to go into must depth. May be some day later I'll elaborate my contra views in a decent manner. A poem I had written back in 2007 can convey best my feelings.
.
क्या मिला उसको इतना त्याग कर
क्या मिला उसको तन मन न्योछावर कर
विकसित भारत की थी जिसको आस
आज वहीं हो रहा उसका परिहास
दिलाया जिसने खादी को सम्मान
अनुयायी उसी के कर रहे खादी का अपमान
नींव जिसने विश्वास की डाली
उसी के अनुयायीओ ने उसें खोखली कर डाली
रो रहा है गाँधी आज
भगवा और हरे के बीच
जो था शांति का सेतु
उसी के अनुयायी ने ही ढहाया
धर्म जात के नाम पर भाईयो को लड़ाया
रो रहा है गाँधी आज
कब बनेगा सपनो का भारत
कब आयेगा देश में अमन
कब मिलेगा सबको न्याय
कब बंद होगा धर्म जाति के नाम पर अन्याय
जब तक नहीं होगा इन बुराईयों का खात्मा
तब तक रोती रहेंगी वह आत्मा
Two great persona of Indian history were born on the same day but we celebrate it more as a holiday. The primary source and initiator of PAAP the money now has symbol of gandhi ji,what can be more ironical thing? Our present politics is just contrast to what it was during gandhi ji's and shastri ji's era. That time politicians were server and building nation now they are just serving and building their self. I do not want to go into must depth. May be some day later I'll elaborate my contra views in a decent manner. A poem I had written back in 2007 can convey best my feelings.
.
क्या मिला उसको इतना त्याग कर
क्या मिला उसको तन मन न्योछावर कर
विकसित भारत की थी जिसको आस
आज वहीं हो रहा उसका परिहास
दिलाया जिसने खादी को सम्मान
अनुयायी उसी के कर रहे खादी का अपमान
नींव जिसने विश्वास की डाली
उसी के अनुयायीओ ने उसें खोखली कर डाली
रो रहा है गाँधी आज
भगवा और हरे के बीच
जो था शांति का सेतु
उसी के अनुयायी ने ही ढहाया
धर्म जात के नाम पर भाईयो को लड़ाया
रो रहा है गाँधी आज
कब बनेगा सपनो का भारत
कब आयेगा देश में अमन
कब मिलेगा सबको न्याय
कब बंद होगा धर्म जाति के नाम पर अन्याय
जब तक नहीं होगा इन बुराईयों का खात्मा
तब तक रोती रहेंगी वह आत्मा
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